Marathon runners confuse me. Actually, runners in general confuse me. I’ve done my fair share of running and can’t say that I find it enjoyable. Every time I have to go for a run, I try to find a good excuse to get out of it. With all the different options available for cardio, it’s not my top choice. Or even in my top few choices. It hurts my knees.
Running a 5K is hard – that’s why there’s so many couch to 5K training plans out there. Because it isn’t easy. Anything past that is pure torture. Why run 6.2, 10, or 13.1 miles when you could just not? You could just choose to bike, or swim, or stair step, or use an elliptical, or do strength training, or HIIT, or literally ANYTHING else! And those are just the tip of the running iceberg.
I don’t even like driving 26.2 miles as that is just a long ways. So why on Earth would I want to run that distance? Spoiler alert: I do not. For the elite, that takes what, 2 hours? 2 HOURS! OF RUNNING! WITHOUT A BREAK! I couldn’t even tell you the last time I ran for 2 hours in a week, let alone at one time. But that’s the elite – it takes normal people much longer.
In case it wasn’t clear, I am not a marathon runner. I am, however, great at binge-watching marathons. Put me in front of a TV for 2 hours and I don’t even blink (not actually because that seems highly unnatural, but you get the point). The invention of auto-play is the best, most unhealthy thing that has graced the streaming empires.
Although, I’m not a fan of the Netflix troll. “Are you still watching?” Take your judgement somewhere else. Yes, I am still watching. Have you noticed that the amount of episodes you can watch before that message comes up has shortened? It used to be 6, but now after 4 in a row it gets sassy. Maybe it’s part of the initiative to encourage physical activity…like running. Or maybe it’s just a way of encouraging you to do survival things like eat, drink, use the bathroom, find a window to see the outdoors, etc.
Maybe I tend to be more prepared than most people. If I know it’s about to be a long night with me, my feelings, and some (hopefully) decent television, I put snack options and at least two drinks on the table in front of me. Then I cocoon myself in a blanket, curl into the smallest possible ball that I can (it’s almost like a challenge between me and myself now), and make sure I can reach everything without moving. I’m not an animal though, I do pause when needed for bio breaks. So there’s no need to ask if I’m still watching. I will tell YOU when I’m done…don’t worry about me.
Internet trolling is a fun topic to dissect, but that’s not the point of this post so I will withhold the rest of my sentiments there. Personally, I believe that everyone can be a binge-watching champ. There’s a streaming service for everyone. Almost as if Oprah went to the TV world offices and was like “You know what? Monopolizing this market seems unfair. So, Amazon – you get a streaming service! Disney – you get a streaming service! YouTube – you get a streaming service! Apple – you get a streaming service! EVERYONE GETS A STREAMING SERVICE!”
Sometimes I walk into my office and adapt this giving mentality. Melissa – you get one of my tasks! Joe – you get to finish one of my projects! Karen – you get to buy me lunch today! Nathan – you get to have the one-on-one with my manager! EVERYONE GETS TO DO MY WORK TODAY! Surprisingly, I have yet to experience the same amount of overwhelming thanks that Oprah always seems to receive…most curious. I feel like I say it the exact same way with very different results.
Long story short, anyone can be a marathoner. Maybe not a physical marathoner, but horizontal running is a thing thanks to Fat Amy. So sit that hiney on the couch, prep with all the necessary fluids, carbs, and proteins in an easy to reach place, get your hydration station ready, and click that power button on the remote.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who enjoys running, give them that look that says “What’s wrong with you?”. Then continue to not torture yourself and instead, enjoy yourself. Thanks for reading!
Follow TRP on Twitter for shorter, daily insights on life as a millennial.
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox for maximum procrastination.