It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of HALLOWEEN – more specifically, I’m not the biggest fan of frightening things. I don’t like to be scared…it’s not my idea of a good time. People who like to be scared confuse me. There are plenty of other ways to have a mini heart attack and induce nightmares for weeks that don’t involve creatures from the deepest, darkest, depths of hell.

I mean, really, where do people even come up with some of these ideas?! Kind of seems like they take something that’s supposed to be calming and happy and they turn it into a devil that terrorizes innocent people because why? Because they can? Where do these people even come from?! What happened in their childhood to make it so that their joy is derived from the terror of others? I honestly don’t even understand how one gets to that state mentally.

My list of questions about who is creating this content, why they think it’s acceptable, the people who pay money to partake in this, etc. are endless. Regardless of my feelings on the matter though, scary movies are wildly popular. All year long. Even during seasons that are supposed to be purely delightful, pleasant, and merry. I won’t even get started on the Christmas horror movies that have appeared recently. No, just no – those need to die.

So we have these scary movies out there, and, for some reason, it was decided that airing commercials for these movies on public television was completely fine. This would be alright if they didn’t show any of the scary parts. Let’s all agree that you can tell it’s going to be a scary movie by the state of the family’s house. Or by the emphasis on one of the children – usually looking like they aren’t fully there mentally. Or by the creepy music in the background. Or by just general human intuition that lets you know something isn’t quite right with what you’re watching.

Why, then, must we show the demon, or the zombie, or the clown, or whatever the freaking antagonist is?! And why is it always as a jump scare?! Can we not casually just fade in their picture with the movie title?! Scary movie lovers will know what the deal is and all normal people of the world won’t have to go find a change of pants.

From a marketing perspective, I get it, I really do. You want to show the people a preview to get them hooked into watching the whole thing. Alright fine, you can keep the scary part of the commercial in there. But please, for my sake, if no one else’s, put some sort of warning up on the screen before you play it! Then I can look away, or go find a snack, or water my succulent, or return the voicemail someone left for me last month, or ANYTHING besides watching what is assaulting my television.

The irony is not lost on me that anyone, including those under 17, can watch said commercials. Yet if that movie minor wanted to go pay to watch it in a theater they could not. Another reason to take the scariness, or the R ratedness out of the previews? I think so! Don’t agree? I take it you’re one of those disturbed humans who enjoys that ridiculous then?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who gets scared easily (like mwah) then pass this along so they can know that other scary commercial survivors exist and we have safe havens waiting – The Food Network and HGTV. Thanks for reading!

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