Have you ever wanted to hate yourself and love yourself at the same time? Do a workout. The warm up sucks, the actual workout is challenging, and the cooldown is a demonic way to delay the finish … but the after effects are addictive. Addictive enough to give you temporary amnesia to forget how much fun you didn’t have during the hard part of exercise. Which, of course, is the exercise itself. What a fun life this is! Get in shape to live longer. Punish yourself to get / stay in shape. Is it enjoyable enough to make the extra years worth it? That feels like a personal decision. 

So why do people workout? I don’t feel qualified to answer that question for all of humanity so let’s pull the scale way down. Why do I workout? Ugh, because food mainly. And also because my doctor keeps not-so-subtly hinting about how great it is for my overall health blah, blah, blah. If we’re being honest with ourselves, though, not everyday is going to be a workout day. Not for recovery purposes. Nope. More from a ‘why cry when I could eat Goldfish, the snack that smiles back, and watch TV’ standpoint. Besides, have you ever wanted to hate yourself and love yourself at the same time? Sit on the couch all day eating snacks.

Regardless of your thoughts on working out, we have all made excuses at some point. Some more “valid” than others, but that’s all dependent on your viewpoint. For example, a valid excuse to skip a workout for Serena Williams is probably not the same as whatever random event you’re using as a way to lay in bed longer. But this is not a post for professional athletes. If you’re getting paid to workout, you and I are not the same and, thus, we do not have the same expectations on consistency.

If you’re gifted in the art of spinning things (AKA the art of BS), you can probably work anything into a legit excuse. If not, well, you may be getting judged by the workout buddy you keep standing up. Being flaky is only a good quality on biscuits, crescent rolls, croissants, and pie crusts. It’s a terrible trait in humans.  Ok, I’m done with my tangent – let’s look at ten of the ways you can get out of a workout in a somewhat valid manner:

I’m Hungry

• What You Say: ‘I’m low on energy and won’t be able to push myself in the way I was hoping’
• What You Mean: Food is more valuable to me than your company and picking up heavy things just to put them back down 

It’s Cold / Raining

• What You Say: ‘I’m getting over a bug and don’t want to push it with the current conditions’
• What You Mean: I’m lowkey bougie and cannot be getting cold / wet for no good reason. If the weather isn’t precisely between 62 – 75 with low humidity, sunny skies, and a light breeze I’m out

Injury PTSD

• What You Say: ‘My shoulder has been acting up lately – I want to have a doctor take a look before jumping back into our routine and getting hurt again’
• What You Mean: Life is too short to be forced to lay on the couch recovering from a sprained ankle. It should be a choice

Working Late

• What You Say: ‘Today has been insane and I don’t think I’ll be able to log off for another hour or so’
• What You Mean: Dinner is my priority and, while there’s enough time for both, I’m choosing food over you

Out of Town

• What You Say: ‘Ah, dang, I’m out of town – sad to be missing it, though’
• What You Mean: I’m conveniently unavailable due to circumstances

Dead Phone

• What You Say: ‘Sorry, I left my charger at home and my phone died so I’m just now seeing this’
• What You Mean: I saw your text and chose to ignore it until it was too late to respond

No Clean Clothes

• What You Say: ‘I can’t today, unfortunately – left my clothes at home’
• What You Mean: I actively don’t keep enough workout clothing options for times like this when jeans simply won’t do

My Dog / Kids / Roommates

• What You Say: ‘My dog / kid / roommate is having an emergency that I need to deal with immediately’
• What You Mean: I’m important, I have priorities, I’m responsible for someone else’s happiness and also my own, which is why it’s a no from me

Misinformed

• What You Say: ‘I figured you meant 6PM, not 6AM – my fault for not clarifying’
• What You Mean: When you said work out, I heard work’s out and added early so go home to celebrate with alcohol and food

Just Don’t Want To

• What You Say: ‘I don’t think today is going to work for me, unfortunately’
• What You Mean: No. Just no

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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