Genovia, the land I call my home! Genovia, Genovia, forever will your banner wave! And all of your outdated rules about how a princess should behave. Despite some questionable requirements for royalty, who doesn’t love a good rags to riches story? With the glow-up of the century to boot. Mia embodies a true confused millennial spirit as she is presented with the throne of a country and as much as I love this story, there are moments that confuse even myself – a fellow confused millennial. Please enjoy all of my questions and observations presented by official TRP decree:

• The opening credits have a very 90s animated movie type, but it was 20 years ago so I’ll let it slide (unlike Clarice)
• Imagine living in a refurbished fire station … your alarm clock could be the siren
• Their neighbor is Mr. Robitussin? Like the cough medicine?
• I see electric scooters were cool even in the the early 2000s 
• Lana, Anna, and Fontana give off pre Mean Girls Mean Girls vibes
• Why does Lilly carry around a rubber band ball? Did they not have stress balls back then?
• Imagine if debate was a required class in high school. The absolute trauma as if high school isn’t stressful enough
• Is rock climbing an approved future princess exercise? I would have guessed yoga or pilates
• I wish someone would tell me to meet them somewhere with zero context and give me the address to a consulate
• Mia’s social skills are impeccable all throughout the movie
• ‘You’ve got pears in your flowers’ – yes, good eye detective Amelia
• I admire Mia’s ability to be 100% herself even in the presence of royalty, part one
• Kind of them to accept the challenge of turning Mia into a princess, like they had another option
• Why open the gate if she’s running away? Why not keep her locked in?
• The Thermopolis home looks like a modern art museum
• Is Mia qualified to be a princess owning a cat, not a dog? Pretty sure that’s the main dealbreaker to lead people … someone should alert Clarice
• Does San Francisco not have safe drinking water? Why open a water bottle to pour it in the cup?
• Not sure I would put Spain and Portugal on hold until a teenage girl gets over their current mood swing. Could be years before they even out
• Mia in a limo for the first time is me with every new piece of technology I get
• Good thing Mia is a princess because she definitely isn’t going to be a professional athlete
• Does Mia not know how saliva works? It definitely doesn’t work like glue
• Cringe moment! The mom is dating a teacher? Come on mom! You might as well kill all of the (little) social potential Mia had
• Who keeps putting Mia on sports teams? She clearly is not capable in that area of life
• ‘I’ve never put on pantyhose, but it sounds dangerous’ – Joe, and every man ever who has experienced a woman putting them on
• Paolo, Gretchen, and Helga – the Charlie’s Angels of the fashion world #GenoviaStyle
• Why does everyone wear sunglasses indoors in the early 2000s? Was that acceptable then? Because it still isn’t acceptable now
• Eye for an eye. Glasses for a brush. Seems fair to me
• Michael has an OG High School Musical Zac Efron vibe going on
• Lilly doesn’t seem to be best friend level in tune with Mia’s emotions most of the first half of the movie
• Mia’s sense of self never ceases to amaze me in this movie. Truly the best part of the whole thing, part two
• Not the friendship charm! In the dirt?! That’s too far Lilly
• Why has no one created a business from throwing darts at paint balloons? We have trampoline parks and DIY pottery, but no dart painting? Smh
• Does Mia ever do homework?
• Gupta’s phone conversations are the definition of efficiency
• Is Paolo the equivalent of Judas? Hollywood version and #GenoviaStyle?
• The school announcements are so great. Don’t submit assignments virtually, stop rearranging the lawn tables, etc.
• There always has to be a villain trying to get their face on postage stamps
• We’ve all accidentally set something on fire at a fancy dinner, haven’t we? Why must there always be candles? We have electricity
• Were there no dinner etiquette courses during Mia’s training?
• How did Mia find the creepiest arcade in the whole world to take Clarice too?
• Look at Clarice, sneaking out of a ticket with that famous womanly charm and made up titles
• And, just when you think Mia is growing up, her 15 year old brain kicks in and she falls for the popular boy’s ruse. Bailing on Lilly AND Michael – rude
• Who would have guessed that Josh would double cross Mia? Literally everyone
• Can Mia be any more naively trusting of the worst people in school? She did it to herself I don’t feel that bad about the sailor Josh and Banana triplets incidents
• Wait … Grove high school has a soft serve ice cream machine in their courtyard. I really missed out in public school
• Why do Mia and Lilly keep going back to sports? It’s been established that they’re more of the artistic type well before this rooftop apology scene
• Not sure I agree with the choice to waste an entire ice cream cone to make a point. Could have used anything else and saved the ice cream
• What is the purpose of taking the cat to Colorado? It can’t climb the rocks with you. It can’t hike with you. It can’t go anywhere with you. It would just be a mooch
• Of course there is a pear juggler because why not
• Pretty sure pizza and M&Ms do not go together in the same bite
• At what point do you stop putting money into a car and count your losses?
• Shocking tear jerker moment when Joe shows up to rescue Mia from the storm and save all of Genovia – my emotions were not ready
• And with one speech we crush the uprising of the evil Baron and Baroness … and their postage stamps
• The queen just awkwardly leaves Mia in the middle of the dance floor to find her own partner? What if Michael had not shown up? Would Jeremiah have been chosen? Joe? Some rando?
• 20 years later – still a fantastic movie with an even better lesson, part three

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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