THE MODERN DAY AMAZON

The year was 1994, all was kind of well with the world. The eighties had come and numerically were gone, but their presence was still being felt. Knowing that people were in need of an online marketplace to fulfill every single desire they ever had, Jeff Bezos built the Prime shopping industry of the year. Nay, the decade. Nope, not quite there … the entirety of time. Nailed it. Warehouse working conditions aside (this is not a political book and, frankly, I don’t want to go down that path), Amazon is legit. If you have never ordered anything from their website, are you even human? Do you even own a computer? Or have access to the Internet? You should, since I decreed in the previous chapter it’s now a basic right of freedom. And I clearly have the power to change the Constitution so by the time you’re reading this, a sonic speed connection should be happening invisibly near you.

If you’ve ever had an idea, I guarantee you can buy it on Amazon. While I don’t have official confirmation on where the name came from, I would bet money (not a lot, but maybe like a whole dollar) that it’s because of all the similarities between the natural Amazon and the app. 

  • Both are easy to enter – one has a line of trees that you walk into and the other a web address that you basically walk into. Just typing an a into the browser, the brilliant search engines strongly suggest Amazon as your choice. 
  • Both are easy to get lost in – the jungle is a dense forest and once you go in, you think you’re going one way but you’re not. Kind of like a sobriety test when you have to walk in a straight line. And you always think it’s straight as an arrow but everyone else knows it’s more of a struggling zig zag. The website is like the YouTube of shopping – one thing leads to another, to another, to another, to another, to another, to another, to oh my goodness I think I’ve lost myself here. 
  • Both are hard to get rid of – once lost in the Amazon say sayonara to your life as you knew it. Think Castaway but in a forest, not on an island. The marketplace, on the other hand, is addictive and once you experience 2-hour delivery, you can never not have that again. 
  • Both are listening – the forest is full of creatures with ears, and you know what ears do, right? Grow out of your head, yes! Oh, and they catch sound which some people refer to as listening. The tech, on the other hand, has this nosy little character named Alexa who is spying on you at all times, but uses this to make almost helpful suggestions. Is that illegal? Well, no more so than cheaping out on Internet speeds in my opinion. Why not have someone else do things like make my shopping list, turn off my lights, lock my door, play me music, give me snarky responses to questions, etc.
  • Both are growing – one metaphorically and one physically, but nonetheless they are growing. Plants and revenue are the same in this case. Started at the bottom and now they’re here … wherever here is, but definitely above the bottom. Sure the jungle is technically shrinking, but trees still grow until they get cut down. Amazon had Jeff Bezos, now they own the world. The natural Amazon has some dirt, now it has gigantic trees.
  • Both are airborne – the jungle has birds, as a jungle does and the artificial Amazon has drones, as artificial does. Birds can deliver treats just like drones, but I’m guessing you’ll like one more than the other.
  • Both are fast – not all creatures are quick, yet somehow all the ones that are, are deadly. What kind of a sick joke is that? Sloths can’t catch you, but a jaguar can. Parrots can’t hurt you, but a snake sure can. If the world wanted humans to truly thrive, it would reverse the speed assignments for animals. Delivery speeds now are next level fast. Why wait two days, when two hours will do? It may say 3-5 business days, but we all know that it will be here by the time we wake up because that’s good customer service.
  • Both are scary – the tech giant is scary good and scary big. Their growth potential still seems endless and it’s been over a quarter of a century since inception. That’s insane! Nature, on the other hand, is scary in a this could kill me type of way. Because it can. The top eight deadliest creatures of the rainforest include poisonous ants, frogs, and spiders along with the usual cast of death: snakes, piranhas, electric eels, and jaguars.

Needless to say, that despite the surprising number of similarities, the two Amazons are very different. Both have a place in the world, I personally prefer the one that can’t physically kill me. It can kill my bank account, though, so I guess that would be an issue. Not sure that the jungle takes common currency, but I guess I can always use that as my back-up plan for when my house is full of things no one should need and my balance is negative. It only takes things like peace, and calm, and life – not a big deal really.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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