ALL OF MY THOUGHTS WHILE BEING STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR

Elevators are an invention. A way to assist in moving vertically with minimal effort. Or if you are physically unable to use stairs, which, in that case, this post is not for you. As a mildly claustrophobic person, you can imagine that elevators are rarely my first option for getting between floors in a building. While I do regret saying this to the whole world that is the Internet, and thus, is forever, I am a stairs first kind of kid.

Stairs have a lot of advantages over the metal death box that is the elevator. For one, it will never fail on you electrically. It will never stop unexpectedly in the middle of the ascent, or descent. It will continue to be the emergency exit route in case of fire … or when you find out there’s a BOGO at the taco truck down the street and you need to get in line yesterday. It will always be a better form of exercise. It will not require awkward silences with strangers. Overall, a solid option considering there are usually only two at any given time.

I think now is a good time for emphasizing my point. Stairs will never fail on you electrically and they will never stop unexpectedly in the middle of the ascent, or descent. Elevators, however, will and do. At a shockingly high rate. Their stability and built-in “safety” measures for when you shift your weight from one foot to the other way too quickly leave a lot to be desired. And in case it was unclear from the title of this post, one of my nightmares came true recently and I got stuck in an elevator. Not even a nice, big service elevator either. Just a standard hotel, can maybe fit 6 people pre-COVID, elevator.

Never have I met someone who has wanted to get stuck in a confined metal space with minimal decorations and no cell service, so I have to believe everyone can relate to my rollercoaster of thoughts, emotions, and panic, during my 90 minute experience. To truly pull you into my mental state, I would like to set some initial background context. I, thankfully, had my significant other with me, but it was just the two of us. It was late at night. We were stuck in between two floors and thus hanging helplessly by the elevator cables in a floating box of death. And with that, please enjoy my survival story:

  • Did … did the elevator just stop?
  • Why are the identifying floor numbers stuck on 3?
  • Did … did the elevator lady just say that we were experiencing technical difficulties?
  • Why are the emergency lights coming on?
  • How do we get out of here?
  • Oh my, we are actually stuck
  • None of the buttons work – are the buttons supposed to work?
  • I can hear the alarm when I press the button, but no one seems to be responding to our cry for help
  • Resist the urge to panic
  • The call button says we’re being connected to the elevator company and … we’re on hold?
  • Why are we on hold? How many elevator emergencies happen at 11PM?
  • The operator! Finally!
  • Oh dear, we’ve been disconnected
  • Call back and we are somehow STILL ON HOLD?!
  • Clearly the call button is not going to be useful. Like the alarm button. Why even have those in there? What kind of sick false hope is this?!
  • Which one of us has a cell signal?
  • I see my cell service doesn’t extend into elevator shafts
  • Time to embrace that the inside of this elevator might be the last thing I see
  • Thank the heavens, my SO has one bar!
  • Is one bar enough to call the hotel? Apparently, yes
  • Not sure that this is the right moment for my SO to make small talk with the hotel clerk so … HELP US! WE ARE STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR!
  • Message received, maintenance is coming. I might live to hit another rooftop bar tonight after all
  • The amplification of noise inside an elevator car is shocking. One would never know unless they were forced to stay in one place for a while
  • Why is everyone in this hotel accessing the other, working, elevator from this floor?
  • If the maintenance guy tells one more person that we’re stuck in the elevator I’m going to hulk smash through the door
  • I see that throwing the breaker 10 times didn’t fix it so what’s next?
  • And, we’re back to having to contact the elevator company
  • Thank goodness I used the bathroom before we got on this death ride
  • Is it getting hot in here? Is there even fresh air flowing in?
  • How do people successfully trick their minds to be in a happy place? Because right now my mind is hella aware of where my body is
  • Breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out
  • The elevator company apparently responds to phone calls but not emergency signals from the inside of the elevator. Interesting
  • Someone is coming to get us out in a cool 45 minutes
  • Where is the company located that it’s going to take 45 minutes? Do they not get police level speeding privileges for this? I could be having a panic attack
  • If we called the fire department, would they arrive sooner?
  • Should we call the fire department?
  • Would the elevator company be mad if we called the fire department?
  • Guess we will wait, it’s been almost 45 minutes already so … what do we have to lose? Besides phone battery
  • Did I lock my car door?
  • What late night eats will be open when we are finally able to get out of this thing?
  • Never in my life have I craved being in my home on a Zoom call as much as I am right now. Free to roam around
  • Why do the new Starbucks store designs look like weird shipping containers?
  • How much emotion exists for a fish? Like what is that spectrum?
  • If I had known we would have been in here for so long, I would have brought my cake leftovers
  • What … is that? Is that the door finally opening?
  • It’s the elevator man!
  • And the hotel staff who want to take us to the lobby … on the other elevator … like the stairs aren’t an option

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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I JUST REWATCHED WONDER WOMAN 1984 AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Wonder Woman. Enough said. She’s a woman casually saving the world and making it look so effortless. Makes us ponder the age old dilemma: can women have it all? I think Diana Prince has given us a strong yes to that question, especially as we get a look at her superhero journey and struggling between love and saving the world. Despite all the wonderfulness that is this movie, I still had hella observations and gnarly questions:

  • Starting off strong – what parents let small children roam aimlessly through endless forests? Seems unsafe … animals eat children
  • I realize now why I will never be a superhero. I am unable to do anything remotely gymnastics based other than tumble into the soft block pit
  • If someone could explain the rules, and / or purpose, of the beginning contest to me and why a child would be competing against grown adults that’d be great
  • Life lesson #1: no true hero is born from lies
  • Is Diana not tired after all the warm up running she did before the competition and then, you know, the whole competition?
  • Are you even at a mall if it doesn’t have a JCPenney’s?
  • I think we all would like Wonder Woman to come deal with some of our exes, or maybe a co-worker, or maybe the line at the DMV after the beatdown she put on at the mall
  • Barbara is all of us at one point or another and she’s my favorite character. So awkward, so genuine, so innocent
  • Have to love the random gusts of air inside a building in the movies. The realism is insane
  • Life lesson #2: talking behind people’s backs is rude. They can hear you
  • Have you ever been in love?’ ‘So many times, yea. All the time’ – me every time I’m about to eat cheesecake
  • Who goes to bed in full makeup? That’s how breakouts happen you’d think Wonder Woman, of all people, would know that
  • New pickup line option: ‘I have a great relationship with Sears
  • Is Barbara not suspicious of her newfound attention from men, and people, in general?
  • Who was in charge of casting Maxwell and Allister? I don’t see the resemblance
  • Walking in heels should be an Olympic event
  • Did … did Steve look different when first talking to Diana? 
  • Life lesson #3: futons are not comfortable and should be cancelled
  • Have you ever been caught in bed stuffing your face with Pop-Tarts? If not, did you even go to college?
  • Why were swimsuits the gym fashion of choice for females? What did they wear to the beach?
  • 80s fashion was truly a sight
  • Good to see the DC Metro looks the exact same that it did 40 years ago
  • Did anyone else know the extensiveness of the Smithsonian career network before watching this movie? I, for one, thought they were purely for visitation …
  • Life lesson #4: the truth is bigger than all of us
  • Imagine getting to spend some time in the future. We would all be Steve
  • Where on the National Mall is there a hidden airfield? How did that happen? How did they get there? Do those planes even work?
  • How terrifying would it be if a giant wall just appeared where you were trying to drive?
  • Did the taxi driver not think to ask for a ride after losing his car? Where is he going to go in the desert?
  • Does Diana always pack her superhero suit? Or is she always wearing it?
  • I wish I could just jump on a trampoline half as gracefully as Wonder Woman vaults through the air after being flung from a tank
  • Those children would not be ok after falling onto the pavement from that height and at that speed. Hollywood lies, I see
  • Is it just me, or did Diana change outfits during the Cairo trip? I remember seeing no luggage on the plane
  • Even Wonder Woman isn’t immune to the kryptonite of love
  • What is the decor theme in Maxwell’s office? What does it have to do with business, or oil?
  • Who brings a sword to a gunfight?
  • Where is the White House security team during the gunfight, by the way? Does this raise no alarms?
  • Oh dear … Barbara has turned evil in an unsurprising, but still disappointing, twist
  • And there’s the White House security team. 3 years later
  • I appreciate the nice creative twist on the worst case Cold War outcome, though
  • Life lesson #5: true love lasts the test of time
  • Steve is the true hero of the movie. If he hadn’t convinced Diana to renounce her wish the world would have imploded
  • How does Diana’s hair not get so incredibly tangled while literally flying?
  • Wonder Woman takes ride the lightning to a whole new level
  • Again, where does the gold suit come from? Did she have to go home and get it? Does it magically pack down into a portable size?
  • Why does Barbara look like a cat from your worst nightmare? She could have been anything
  • I take back what I said about Barbara being my favorite
  • Even though we all knew the ending was coming, I still loved it
  • Life lesson #6: greed is not the path to happiness
  • Did everyone just forget the chaos that occurred and the almost end of the world? Or do they just have holiday amnesia?
  • What happened to the guy whose body Steve took over while Steve was in it? Did he go into a coma? Did he miss all the insanity?
  • Does she ever miss her family?
  • A brief Asteria appearance at the end … what does that mean?! Is she still alive?! Where has she been?!
  • Is love your kryptonite?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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