Tag: Cartoons

MINIONS ARE THE ULTIMATE SOULMATE

Finding real love is hard. Some people don’t ever really find it. Some people find it every other week. Some people find something close enough to what they wanted, so they make it work. Some people get lucky and do find the kind of love they always dreamed about. Wherever you fall along Cupid’s arrow, I think we can all agree that people want to find love. I would argue that most people want to find their soulmate. Whether it’s one of many that will walk into their lives, or the only one, feeling that connection is special.

Feeling that connection with dogs is too easy. Easy enough that I fall in love with every cute little pupper that I see. Why? Because it’s so fluffy, I’m gonna die! Is this a problem? Some people in my life might think so. However, as much as we all know I could talk about dogs for pages and pages, this post is not about falling in love with our pets. It’s about the challenge of finding that strong feeling for human people. Whaaaaaaaaaat?! Indeed. Love between two human beings.

If right now you’re thinking, ‘you got to be kidding me’, totally valid. Hear me out, though, I believe that Pixar has solved all of our issues when it comes to soulmate expectations. Sure, sure, there are plenty of movies out there that do the complete opposite and fill our heads with thoughts of how our love story should look. Realistic, or not, it’s our current reality. Thank you social media and technology and Hollywood. It leaves a lot of us confused. Or worse. But instead of going down that rabbit hole of something awful from the past, let’s instead talk about happier times.

Lightbulb! Enter everyone’s favorite little yellow banana men. Dave, listen up please! I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I believe that the minions may be the ultimate soulmate created in an animated fashion by an entertainment giant. They’re extremely loyal, for starters. I mean come on. Unless they’ve been injected with some evil liquid that messes with their DNA and literally makes them a different species, they would die for Gru. With zero questions asked. It’s a simple existence, with minimal stress. Get directions, follow directions, look back and laugh at the complete misunderstanding of said directions.

Let’s move past this blind full send mentality of theirs, because that’s not an appealing quality for everyone. The minions are highly adaptable and resilient to everything in life. Do they ever get hurt? Can they even die? Do they ever get sick? Can they even feel pain? Imagine how much money you’ll save on doctor’s bills, lab bills, life insurance bills, etc. You could go on so many nice vacations for that! Or get so much food and beverages of choice! 

If that alone isn’t appealing, have you ever had to pay a medical bill before? But fine, ok, moving onwards and upwards to more exciting things. Let’s talk about the instant number of new followers you’ll get … I mean, there’s hundreds of them and they’re all best friends. So if you nail down one, by the nature of the minion loyalty pact, you are in with all of them. Imagine Thanksgiving dinners. Wow! So much entertainment. So many shared dishes brought. Although, let’s be honest, the majority will probably be bananas but those are good to prevent leg cramps so you can stretch to your heart’s content.

For all the banana haters of the world, never fear! Think about all the challenges you have with communication. Imagine a world where that would not be an issue. Nobody knows what they’re saying. And they don’t really understand you. So it would be this fun world where you just had to interpret, to the best of your ability, what they told you. Lots of siren sounds would for sure be in play, which could be good or bad, but who’s to say which way. 

Like with all soulmates, though, there are downfalls. Nobody’s perfect after all. They have the maturity of a toddler. They light things on fire. They’re tiny so there would have to be appliances of different sizes in the home. Might have you yelling ‘curse you tiny toilet’! Trying to get them away from Gru, Agnes, Edith, and Margo is pretty much impossible. We don’t know what human food does to their digestive system. They have a lot of combat skills, one would assume, given the nature of the work they do. And to wrap it all up, they’re technically villains.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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I JUST REWATCHED MONSTERS, INC. AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Nobody likes having monsters under their bed at night. At least not until we learned how absolutely lovable they are! I think monsters have gotten a bad reputation in the human world for some time, and thankfully Mike and Sully helped shed some valuable insight into the reasons behind the scare. Despite the questionably logical approach to energy creation in Monstropolis, I have some unanswered questions, and plenty of observations from this adorable film:

  • We get a very Soul type vibe in the intro. Jazz music and all. Nice recycle here Disney, though Soul did have a necessary modernization for it’s 2020 release
  • The main monster in the intro skit looks like a venus fly trap
  • This little boy in the simulator is not suspicious that his closet door opened on its own? Fake news
  • How does Flem manage to destroy the entire room?
  • I enjoy the intern vibe of the assessor’s “assistants” not knowing the answer to clearly a basic question
  • Mr. Waternoose is correct – there is nothing more deadly or toxic than a human child. Thus, my current lack of them
  • If screams produce energy, why does Mr. Waternoose casually let a whole capsule free just to prove a point? Seems like a waste
  • ‘Less talk, more pain Marshmallow boy’ – if that isn’t motivating, I don’t know what it
  • Does Sully just wake up and work out, growling at Mike and all, without brushing his teeth?
  • Monsters, Inc. matches children to their ideal monster? That is a nightmare factory of a serial killer
  • We’ve all been Mike in the Monsters, Inc. commercial – covered up by the logo and not giving a darn
  • How is it efficient for the building doors in Monstropolis to all be customized to its residents?
  • Grocery is not spelled Grossery, but maybe monsters can’t spell
  • If the monsters are walking, why does the sign say Don’t Stalk / Stalk? Nowhere else in the movie is it referred to as stalking
  • Do any calls get through at Monsters, Inc.? Celia puts everyone on hold
  • You could roll Celia into a ball and she would still only be about half as round as Mike
  • Why would you put a slug monster in charge of keeping the floors clean?
  • ‘My succulent little garden snail’ – wow, incredible use of adjectives for what is obviously a monster version of a Karen
  • If monsters created the ability to jump through some space time continuum into human bedrooms, why haven’t we figured out the reverse?
  • The scare floor is quite the operation … like a factory line … for nightmares
  • ‘A kid almost touched me. I could have died!’ is a relatable feeling for all young, single millennials
  • The announcement for neverminding Randall’s temporary lead is like every day on the job where you think you’re doing a good job, then realize you’ve been doing it all wrong
  • One would think there was a less intense process to remove a single sock from a monster. A kid, yes, then the CDA seems necessary, but a sock? So extreme
  • How do you become a scare recruit versus an ordinary Monstropolis citizen? How hard is it to get accepted?
  • Lol odorant instead of deodorant
  • Is Mike the only assistant that doesn’t file his paperwork? How has he not been fired?
  • Why doesn’t Sully just throw Boo in her room, like a football, and slam the door? It would be more effective
  • Did Sully really think flushing those toys down the toilet would work?
  • Is Boo demented? Why does she want to play with Sully? Who is a monster
  • I think having an octopus as the sushi chef is a bit of animal profiling and also a sick joke. He’s probably chopping up his friends
  • No one notices a walking bag in a nice restaurant? That doesn’t raise any concern?
  • ‘It is my professional opinion that now is the time to panic’ – a news report in Monsters, Inc. that also could run at any point in today’s current society
  • Imagine you’re a giant monster, and there’s a tiny child – why not just scare them and let CDA handle it?
  • If Sully and Mike live in the penthouse, how did they just walk out the door onto the street?
  • Did they not realize how innocent kids were when they were asleep? Why does Boo have to be the one to show them?
  • How many kids have walk-in closets? Apparently everyone in the world. And how many remember to close them each night? I don’t even close my closet door
  • Bring an obscure relative to work day – how does Mr. Waternoose not know he didn’t approve that
  • Is Boo actually potty trained? I find that hard to believe
  • How is Boo so slippery? Why does Sully keep losing her?
  • ‘Put that thing back where it came from, so help me’ is the Pixar short we all need in our lives
  • Why is Celia in a neck brace? How did that happen? What was her arrest like? It seemed pretty docile
  • Mike legit forgot that lunch was in 5 minutes? I’m calling BS since every employee ever knows when their lunch break is
  • Sully basically saw his pet get run through a trash compactor and pounded into a block. His poor emotional state
  • All the CDA agents were using the bathroom at the same time. Why? Are all their relief cycles synced up?
  • No wonder Sully is single, he gets attached way too quickly
  • ‘1, 2, 3, 4 get the kid back through the door’ – a babysitting moto
  • When in doubt, go down the dark tunnel completely unprepared for what you may encounter
  • ‘If you’re gonna threaten me, do it properly’ is why we all love Mike Wazowski
  • Mike says hello to the scream extractor. Those actual words. ‘Hello.’ It’s a machine
  • Does no one else in the company know this dungeon lab of Randall’s exists?
  • Who names their kid Fungus? Poor guy
  • Was Sully previously unaware of his scare face? He had to know, right?
  • So, let me get this straight … Monsters, Inc. had a door specifically to banish monsters out of? For what reason? Why not just fire them? So dramatic
  • The Abominable Snowman looks like a giant sheep
  • Why are the monster lips so realistic looking? With wrinkles and all it’s slightly creepy
  • Mike is so emotional, but his communication skills are on point
  • Celia is very up and down with rattlesnakes on her head – what does Mike see in her? 
  • ‘What a plan, simple yet insane’ is me before every workout
  • Do the doors have to move at warp speed in the warehouse? Is that necessary?
  • Would it not have been easier to climb up the three doors to Boo’s instead of travelling through random kids’ closets?
  • Sully, the number one rule is to close the door. And what did you not do? Close the door. You deserved to be kicked out
  • Did the CDA not see Mike and Sully’s claws on top of Boo’s door? Quite observant this group
  • Mr. Waternoose moves surprisingly well for an old crab
  • Of course Roz is number one at the CDA. Who else should we have expected?
  • Was Boo not ever hungry during this adventure? When was the last time she ate?
  • Boo has a little Jesse, you know, from Toy Story because why not throw easter eggs in
  • How much therapy do we think Boo will need to mentally recover from this?
  • Why are Sully’s legs only about ⅕ of his total body height?
  • Sully pulls the last piece of Boo’s door off his clipboard, which was taped on there, and it comes off, but there’s no tape on there anymore. Never in my life has that been true. Where did the tape magically vanish to?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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