YOU’RE A MEAN ONE MR. GRINCH

But your dog is adorable and it’s a miracle he hasn’t left you for a more loving family. Good thing the Whos are unable to decipher sarcastic comments or your heart may never have grown.

REASONS I’M NOT SINGLE, BUT SHOULD BE

Have you ever been in love? Let’s back up, have you ever been in a relationship? Mmm, further back, have you ever liked someone? AKA, been single and ready to mingle? If that’s you, no worries at all! There is still more than enough time and plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t give up hope – your person, or people … not here to judge … is out there. This is the ideal time to live your best freaking life and do all of the things that make you happy. No asking, no schedule arranging, no double booking, no awkward in-law interactions, no trying to conceal your quirkiness. Just pure you.

While I fully support a solid, soul enhancing, single period of your life, most of us, at some point, want to find the peanut butter to our jelly. And I have to say, there is no better feeling than meeting someone who you just vibe with. Who you love spending time with doing absolutely nothing. The person who is your travel buddy, picture taker, food explorer, and best friend. Someone who pushes you to be a better version of yourself and is your biggest cheerleader. That feeling is special.

True love, or infatuation, if you’ve felt it, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re anything like me, however, the longer you’re with your partner, the more comfortable you get with them. And thus, the longer the list becomes of just truly questionable things that you do where you wonder how you aren’t single. How someone would watch you do something so off the wall without batting an eye and move on like nothing happened. If you’re really jamming on the same keyboard with your partner, they might even respond back, matching your weirdness without a second thought.

For my singles peeps, I’m sure you can also think of several reasons keeping you from finding your soulmate. Although I would argue that they aren’t preventing you from meeting that special someone, you just haven’t found the right person who loves that about you. To be honest, sometimes you have to pick through a lot of weeds to find a beautiful flower. Some weeds may look like a catch on the outside, talking to you dandelions, but when you start to dig deep you realize they’re toxic. So don’t beat yourself up! You deserve someone much, much, much better.

Anywho … enough mushy talk. In case you’re embarrassed by your quirks, or are in denial that you’re a weirdo, I’m more than happy to share some of my strange habits to make you feel better about yourself. Starting with the fact that apparently I make dinosaur noises at random points throughout the day. I never really know when it’s going to happen. One minute, I’m a professional, and the next I’m channeling my inner pterodactyl to communicate my hunger to my partner. Who usually just responds with a dinosaur noise as well, so if that isn’t a soulmate I’m not sure what is.

Dinosaur noises may sit at the top of my list, but please enjoy all these other quirks that comprehensively should make me single according to social standards:

In general, my life is very organized. I keep a highly organized Tupperware cabinet. Meaning I can match lids to bottoms so quickly. Everything gets folded – laundry, pajamas, blankets, etc. and the majority of my shoes live in their original boxes
I’m way too in love with my dog. If I had to choose between my partner and my dog, that’s a hard answer for me
My communication timing is usually less than ideal. For example, I always think of questions for my partner while they’re using the bathroom so I ask them through a closed door. Usually I announce plans at the last minute so it’s a right then and there kind of movement. Like we have to be at a brewery in 15 minutes – let’s a go!
Apparently I’m not an overly loud person and choose to ask questions while walking away so my partner can’t hear me. And sometimes I ask honest questions, but very directly, and it comes across as somewhat judgemental
I can have full fledged conversations with my partner where I will answer all of my questions by myself and they will say absolutely nothing. It’s effective, though, I must admit
There have been times when I may, or may not, have dramatized things a bit. Or a lot. If you’ve read any posts on here this should not surprise you
Competitiveness is my biggest flaw. I will argue with a child playing Chutes and Ladders if I’m not winning. It’s bad
I’m not good at sharing, specifically space on the bed. I can, and will, take up 95% of the available room. I’m also a cover thief
I eat Goldfish as an entree
My dancing skills leave a lot to be desired and so I stick with what I’m good at – bouncy movements
Shockingly, I am restless. To the extreme and am unable to relax. I’ll change positions four hundred times in a 10 minute period. I’ll have to take breaks during a 2 hour movie to move around. I’m a busy body
I keep a year round CHRISTMAS countdown
When it comes to drinking adult beverages, I will smell every drink before I take a sip. Especially if it’s a shot of straight liquor as I like to know what I’m getting myself into. I have also been known to voluntarily get on the floor when past a certain line. Just because
All of the cars that I’ve ever owned have been named
I still have all of my stuffed animals and I keep a somewhat robust rubber duck assortment located in various places around the house
We all know traffic is one of my favorite subjects, and as a self-described traffic critic I am a terrible backseat driver. I’m not proud of this, but if you’re seeing someone brake in front of you and our speed isn’t changing, I’m grabbing the Jesus handle for sure
Despite a strong love for food, I never, and I mean never, know what I want to eat. I’m never really craving anything specific either. Neither food type or restaurant which my partner LOVES. Just kidding it drives them insane – not really sure why they keep asking what I want to eat. If you put food in front of me, chances are that’s what I wanted. Unless it’s dessert and in that case I’m always craving something
Honestly, I’m a terrible liar. My facial expressions always give me away. I have a guilty conscience what can I say
I will try to play things off whenever possible. Sometimes it’s a success, sometimes it’s not, but I won’t know if I don’t try

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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I JUST REWATCHED LADY AND THE TRAMP AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

We all know everyone’s favorite spaghetti memory involves two dogs in love. Right? If you’ve never wanted to share the iconic meal on a date night to casually go in for a quick smooch, do you even have a soul? Anyways, I decided to rewatch the best dog love story created by Disney, to remind myself how great a dog’s love is, and have so many questions and furry observations:

The intro basically tells the entire plot through storyboard type drawings so why even watch the movie?
The fact that it’s dedicated specifically to dogs brings me more joy than it should
Remember mid-1950s animation? What a treat! But, also, thank goodness we’ve evolved technology wise
Lady’s Christmas present box has no air holes – she should be dead from the very start
Does Jim Dear actually think putting down a piece of newspaper is all it takes to house train a dog? And that it will ‘go right to sleep’? Were dogs not pets pre-1955 or is he just naive?
Let’s talk about all the dogs that can successfully only sleep on the bed for one night and then be fine sleeping somewhere else. And … we’re done. That’s not a real thing
Why would you give the dog coffee?! Are we to assume that it’s decaf? Because caffeine is poisonous for them
If anyone has ever owned a dog, you know that their dreams are the cutest thing in the world
What do we think they mean by getting the dog a license? Pretty sure you can buy a tag at anytime not just at the 6 month mark
How did the Tramp get in so good with all the restaurant owners? How do I also get them to know my name and give me free food?
Jim Dear and Darling are having a child, but they can’t still love their dog? Or even take care of it? Someone’s priorities are off
Why is Trusty going through the birds and the bees talk? Surely dogs don’t have sex ed
How does Jock know that babies are expensive?
Jim Dear is decorating a baby room for a boy while Darling is writing down baby names for a girl. They are not on the same page
Their baby shower feels more like a formal dinner party. Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part one
Why are Lady’s inner thoughts presented as a song? Am I the weirdo whose thoughts are spoken?
They had a boy, but the baby blanket is pink. For what reason? The 1950s were not that progressive
Aunt Sarah is a monster. Not appreciating Lady in the slightest
Ah, well that’s because she’s a crazy cat lady. Problem solved
The siamese cat song will haunt my dreams
How many animals do the Dear’s have? I’ve seen Lady, a bird, and a fish
Who does Aunt Sarah think she is? Buying a muzzle for a dog that isn’t her own? But also, how do Jim Dear and Darling not know how much she hates dogs and just send Lady to the kennel? Like responsible owners
Since when can dogs read?
If Tony loves the Tramp so much, why not adopt him?
How many customers are waiting for food while Tony uses his attention to give the dogs a full fledged date night?
Ah, the iconic spaghetti noodle scene is still beautiful
And shocker, by the time we get to Lady and the Tramp on the hill staring at the moon, we have seen all the important scenes from the storyboard intro appear in animated form
Are we supposed to infer that their relationship was sealed, so to speak?
What is Pidge? And how did Lady get that nickname?
The depiction of the dog pound is traumatizing. The Humane Society would have a field day with those conditions
How is Lady supposed to emotionally trust the Tramp after hearing Peg’s beautiful rendition of his lifestyle?
What kind of a love story is this? The Tramp is a pimp and Lady is just his current interest
Who keeps the windows open in a rainstorm? For starters, that’s how rain gets in. Apparently, that’s also how rats get in
Trusty magically recovers from losing his smell … we’re supposed to believe that? Or he was a liar in the beginning. We may never know
So Lady and the Tramp had time to have a litter of puppies, but Trusty is still in a cast?
Why don’t the puppies look more like a blend of Lady and the Tramp? Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part two

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WHY YES, I WOULD LIKE A STRANGE MAN TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE, EAT MY FOOD, AND LEAVE ME PRESENTS

Ah, Christmas … excuse me, the holidays. Thank you politics for continuing to ruin all good things. Such a magical time of year with the lights and wrapping presents and cookies. SO. MANY. COOKIES. I think it’s funny when people say they’re dieting or “watching their sugar intake” anytime between mid-October and January. What is even the point? Do you hate yourself that much to deny all the best, most peanut-buttery Reese shapes? To choose not to eat a piece of the yule log, or peppermint bark, or anything pumpkin flavored?

I’m a big believer in finishing what you start, so if it’s Q4 and I still haven’t decided to take my diet seriously, then it’s just not going to happen. Finish strong! Besides, that’s what New Year’s resolutions are for, right? Why bother during the three consecutive holidays whose main themes are food? I mean, look, Santa pretty much only eats cookies and he seems to be doing alright. He’s basically immortal. I’m trying to hop on that diet train for freaking sure. He can also fly, and train reindeer, and has a memory that could even make IBM Watson scared. He knows everyone. IN. THE. WORLD. That alone is impressive, but good old Santa is like ‘you know, I can do better than just knowing them … I’m going to keep records of all their actions too’.

Now, this sounds all innocent and cute and what not, but I see what’s happening here. You can’t fool me jolly old Saint Nick. Since the beginning of time, everyone has wanted to know how he does it. How is it possible that one man and eight reindeer can deliver presents to everyone in the world in one night? Not one month, not one week, not even one day … one night.

Enter the naughty and nice list. Why give everyone presents when we can easily play God and judge the actions of others? If they’re naughty, scratch that name off the list. One less house to visit. Now repeat this for all the people clearly dating Satan and trying to impress his demonic self. That’s a whole different topic – some people just need a hug, a smile, and a whole lot of Jesus. Anyways, so we’ve started to weed people out. Satan be gone! Who’s next? Well all the people who made bad decisions – so every adult ever. Boom! Knocking off suckers left and right! Anyone else? All the kids who don’t believe because they’re trying to be “cool” and “grown up”. News flash: growing up is not as cool as it looks. Just trust me on this.

Who does that leave? Literally only anyone under 5 because even Santa has a little bit of a soul and knows they are so innocent they can’t really do anything massively wrong. Problem solved. Santa stalks us and waits to see that one little slip up because you had just broken up with bae and were confused and that couple was all about the PDA life and it was just too much at that time so you told them to eff off and get a room. Welp, congratulations! Your name just earned a huge strikethrough. Good thing I’m an adult now and can buy myself presents to make up for the lump of coal I’ll be getting from the big man.

In a shocking twist, I have some serious concerns, though, about Santa’s delivery method for the people that are lucky enough to remain on the nice list. When I order something, from say Amazon, the package shows up at my front door. I owe the delivery person nothing. The delivery person has never set foot in my house. Life is good. On Christmas, however, this is not the case. Front doors are too visible, I guess, for Kris Kringle, so the chimney is his vessel of choice. And not just to throw the presents down – that would be too easy and law-abiding. No, Santa chooses to break into the house. And we all welcome it! We actively leave snacks for him as a reward for committing a crime. What is this teaching children exactly?

Moving past this blatant disregard for human safety. An unknown man is in our house (because, let’s be honest, nobody really knows who he is), eating food that we paid for, and leaves us gifts that he knows we want since he stalked us. Putting it like that doesn’t sound so ho ho holly jolly now does it? What if he wasn’t a happy old fella and was actually disgruntled and angry? That would be a very different story Christmas morning – why is our living room trashed and all our valuables missing? Mmhmm makes you think, doesn’t it. He could be a serial killer. Yet it’s more important that we have someone else come up with gifts for our offspring than to just go buy something for them. But happy holidays!

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you also feel weird about the conspiracy that’s coming from the North Pole, best to keep that to yourself. As weird as it is, the big man seems sane and happy for now so no need to stir that pot. Thanks for reading!

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I JUST WATCHED CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES TWO AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

THIS IS A SPOILER POST! If you haven’t seen Christmas Chronicles Two, and were planning on it, I would not recommend going through these observations.

Netflix recently dropped the sequel to everyone’s favorite Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn Claus family portrayal. And who doesn’t need more of Kurt and Goldie in their life? I mean really, they’re adorable! Anyways, like with all holiday movies, some things don’t fully add up to … well … reality. Here are all of my holly jolly hiccup moments with this movie:

In any movie with elves, there’s always an angry elf. At least one and this one happens to have the name Belsnickle … what is a Belsnickle?
Belsnickle plots his revenge in a dark cave. AKA, the South Pole living conditions
Interesting choice in location for the mere humans starring in the movie. Cancun: where the drinks are plenty and the memories are few
Kate is what, 12? And all her friends are throwing parties? Pause – where are their parents
Bob is just casually a great singer, ok sure aren’t we all?
For a teenager who clearly is worried about missing social events, standing on a beach talking out loud to Santa isn’t necessarily the way to up your popularity
10 minutes into the movie and I can call the ending – Kate’s heart gets changed, she ends up loving Bob and they all have a very merry Christmas together
No child willingly admits to being a brat and can call an airline to change their flight. They would still be having a meltdown. This scene is fake news
So, let me get this straight, the parents willingly leave their kids alone at a resort in Mexico on Christmas and assume the teenage brother will “watch” them. Smart
Kate just trusts a random resort “worker” who says he can get to the airport in half the time with zero questions? She deserves to be kidnapped
Two pre-teens, who are dressed for a vacation in Mexico, end up at the North Pole and aren’t shivering? They’ll die before they find Santa – that’s very un-jolly
Is one of Santa’s superpowers supersonic hearing? Since when? How did he hear Kate and Jack’s cries for help?
In his free time, does Santa just hunt leopards in the tundra portion of the North Pole? Adds up to none of the stories
Let’s talk about basic physics where a sleigh traveling super fast would not stop within 10 feet of entering a barn
I’ve never been able to make any sort of warm drink in 5 seconds and yet here we are in th reindeer barn with a custom tea / herbal / medicinal / whatever ready immediately
Why are all the elves a cartoon mouse / rabbit hybrid looking thing? What is this based on? Furbies?
These kids supposedly wake up in the North Pole and don’t think they’ve maybe been roofied? Because my first thought would not be to hug the strange man who looks like Santa
Why are there cannons in Santa’s Village? Why? To get snow in? That’s a stretch
Nice diss on all the major shipping companies. Combine all their production, quadruple it, and it might be close to what Santa’s Village does in a day? Mmkay
Santa codes video games now? What copyright laws does that violate? All of them probably
If you had an employee who was eating the inventory, would you keep him on the candy cane production line? With all that temptation? No
Dinner is all desserts? That’s not the way to live 1700 years. Also, painting a cake green and calling it broccoli doesn’t make it broccoli
Even in the north pole Kate is being a bit of a brat – she better end up on the naughty list
Has no one else noticed there’s another human in the village? Or that head elf Mina is missing? Strong observation skills these elves
So Santa Claus and his forest elves travelled from Turkey to the North Pole? Seems doable
A little bit of the Hulk action going on with Belsnickle’s transformation into a human
Was there no security on the star? You know, the thing that protects ALL of Santa’s Village? Again, smart
Blue powder makes the elves bad? Similar to the Despicable Me 3 movie a bit? I think so
You ever break something super important? Like the Star of Bethlehem maybe? Whoops
Maybe the North Pole has different snow, but when I slow roll a ball it doesn’t pick up speed and get bigger
Why did the elves even own chainsaws? How did that come up? They’re magical. In what scenario would they need a chainsaw?
Apparently Santa also visited the Matrix at some point – dodging all those arrows like an f boy dodges the word relationship
If someone sends you on a quest, a time-bound quest mind you, would you casually stroll along the path to find the end? I would hope you would put some pep in your step
Why is Hocken thanking Santa? Santa has done nothing except hold the star while a “dangerous” beam lit it up
Belsnickle’s “reindeer” look like the hyenas from the Lion King
Please just leave your sleigh and reindeer on the tarmac of a major international airport. They’ll be fine, I’m sure
Just when you think it can’t get any better, surprise! It’s also a musical, because why not?
There happens to just be a stage and a choir and a band at Boston Logan all at the same time?
Another huge twist, there’s a Back to the Future reference! And Kate meets her dad when he’s a teen – what other movies are we going to pull from?
Two teens are able to break out of airport jail? Meanwhile, there’s a Christmas concert happening in the terminal? I can’t keep up
And just like that, the song ends and all flights are now on time … makes perfect sense
One way to make someone need therapy is to call them dad when you’re the same age while crying and hugging them like they’re dying
Are there a million elves in the village, or thousands? A bit inconsistent on our estimates here
Is the solution to shoot the elves one at a time with a Nerf gun? How … how is that going to work? At all? There’s an unknown number of them
Exploding gingerbread cookies, though – incredible invention!
Mrs. Claus has the hairstyle of a who, so there’s our Grinch reference
We need to talk about Nerf gun range, too, apparently, since it’s not however far Jack shot it at the drone
I think that Belsnickle really just needs a friend, or a therapist
How old do you have to be to get a sleigh license? Santa is 1700 and Jack is what? 11? That’s a wide gap and yet both get to “drive”
Forgetting someone from time to time is as it should be? Where? With who? Why? What?
I’m scared to jump off, but I’ll get over that by backflipping off a highly elevated flying surface
Who has a caroling party in front of the ocean with no spectators? Who are they singing to?
Why is Belsnickle the only fat elf?
As a surprise to no one, it ends happily ever after with everyone singing a christmas song from the dinosaur age

Takeaway: if you have young children they’ll probably think it’s cute. If you have kids over the age of say, 7, this might out-age them. Interesting story line, but the first one was way better. A good background Christmas movie while decorating – not a must-see however.

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DIFFERENT TYPES OF HOLIDAY SHOPPERS

It’s the holiday season! And who doesn’t love the holidays? I mean, I’m sure there are some people. I’ve heard stories about actual Scrooges, but have yet to meet one in real life, thankfully. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle it. My absolute joy during this time of year fighting with their absolute dread, and hate, for this time of year sounds like a collision I don’t need. That’s like the ultimate holiday rivalry. Good versus evil. Light versus dark. Carolina versus Duke. Emotions running high. Things get said that you can’t take back. Nope.

I need to take a deep breath for a moment. Whew. Ok! Needed to clear that out of my mind. I have space for light shows, gift giving, cookies, and friends / family this time of year. Oh, and of course my dog. She’s an all year round treat, but at the holidays the decorations confuse her and that makes me laugh. Anyways … one of the biggest parts of the holiday season is getting gifts for other people. Some people love this. Some people hate this. Most people still do this, however.

Not everyone takes the same approach to purchasing gifts. Not everyone even puts the same amount of effort into finding gifts, if we’re being honest. Is there a right way to holiday gift shop? Certainly not! But I, at least, find it fascinating to examine the different approaches. And thus, deeply over-analyze them. Because clearly I have no life and this is as good as it gets as an adult. What can I say? I lost all shame for these types of posts a while ago. So get ready – we’re about to deep dive into what makes each individual shopper unique. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself on the list. Maybe you won’t. We all lie to ourselves sometimes, it’s fine.

The Prepared Shopper

Picks up gifts throughout the year so they don’t have to rush during crunch time

The Last Minute Shopper

Literally is trying to finish getting all their gifts the night before, or the morning of

The Thoughtful Shopper

Really puts an effort into the gifts they give to people and does a good bit of research, both on products and by talking to the gift receiver

The Leftover Shopper

Will pick up whatever candy happens to be in the checkout lane just to present you with a gift

The Online Shopper

Orders everything online so they can get the best range of colors, styles, and availability

The In Store Shopper

Enjoys not having to wait for items to ship, and thus, the potential that it never arrives so takes their chances in stores

The Gift Card Shopper

Either doesn’t like the list they received from you, or simply doesn’t want to buy anything on that list, and gets you a gift card instead … so that you can buy your own gift

The Highly Stressed Shopper

Goes exactly by the list – no room for error if you wrote that you wanted a 25oz water bottle by mistake (since that isn’t really a size) they will not buy anything unless it’s specifically what you want. 24 oz simply won’t do

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I DON’T ALWAYS EAT UNTIL I CAN’T MOVE … WAIT, YES I DO!

The holiday season is probably the most divisive three months of the entire year. Sure, it’s a time to be thankful, and joyful, and giving, and terrified (you can get my full thoughts on Halloween’s place in the season HERE), but it’s also a time to pick a side and fight for it. No, I’m not talking about a political side, or a side of the dinner table, or a side of the family – those can be chosen at any time of the year. You don’t need pumpkins, dead turkeys, or cookies to do that to yourself.

Obviously I’m talking about when it’s acceptable to begin decorating for Christmas and playing some classic carols non-stop. In my experience, people tend to fall into one of these three categories:

Thanksgiving is a full on holiday and I don’t even get merry for Christmas until Black Friday
Thanksgiving is just a happy accident on the way to the best holiday of the year
All holidays are the same and should be treated equally

I’m not even going to touch that last category – you’re just wrong and that’s not true at all. Don’t be that person. Pick at least one to go all in for! Personally, I tend to fall into the middle category and if you’re with me, let’s drink some eggnog and play All I Want for Christmas is You on repeat. For everyone else, the ones in the first category in case you couldn’t keep up, I do not understand you at all. ‘You can’t skip Thanksgiving! It’s a time to be thankful and eat all of the food!’ – Thanksgiving lovers.

Mmkay … first of all, you should just be thankful like all of the time. If you need a holiday to remind you of that then it might be time to reevaluate your priorities. Yes, you get to eat … a lot. You know when else you can eat a lot though? THE ENTIRE CHRISTMAS SEASON! Which is 12 days long traditionally, 25 days if you’re Freeform, or year round if you’re like me so why do I want one day to eat when I can have multiple? I’m a big fan of eating (THAT’S NO SECRET), but Thanksgiving is just one day. 24 hours. That’s it. Nothing more. What is the appeal of that?

Might I also point out that the Thanksgiving meal is shockingly similar to Christmas dinner. But without all the delicious cookies and holiday drinks. Makes no sense to me. I don’t need someone to tell me it’s ok to eat until my pants start to feel way too tight. I’m a grown adult, I can do that any day of the week. Don’t get me wrong, I love having those days off work and seeing my family. But it does bother me that both Thanksgiving and Black Friday are company holidays while only Christmas day is. Christmas Eve is just as big a deal. Corporate America never ceases to confuse me.

Anyways, to be clear, this is not a post complaining about Thanksgiving itself. It’s more of a general confusion around all the people who wait until the day after to begin celebrating Christmas. Can your spirit literally not handle double the joy and excitement? Why get excited for one holiday when you can be psyched up for two? Again, this is very simple math. 2 > 1. 12 > 1. 25 > 12 > 1. 365 > 25 > 12 > 1.

I have zero shame when it comes to Christmas. November 1 I take in my desk decorations and it’s a miracle I hold out until then because, if we’re honest, it’s never too early to be put in a hella amazing mood by looking at Christmas lights. It’s always a fun game to see how long after the New Year that my co-workers tolerate me keeping it up … my current record is February 8 and I think next year I’m going to beat that. Mostly since my main co-worker at the moment is my dog and she doesn’t care. Then it’s basically time to get stoked for that year’s Christmas so I don’t know why I even give in to peer pressure and take it down. I am a peacock, let me spread my wings and be merry!

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you love Christmas as much as I do, let’s debate who sings the best versions of each classic Christmas song. If you are a Thanksgiving turkey, then you may have your holiday, but come Black Friday, you better be jollier than Santa stealing cookies from random houses all over the world. Thanks for reading!

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HOW EARLY IS TOO EARLY? HOLIDAY MUSIC EDITION

You already know what time of year it is! Holiday season is in full swing. The weather wants to get colder, but some of us in the South are still living in heavy after-effects of summer. Much to the disappointment of our northern brethren probably. Football season is, for the most part, happening. The Masters just wrapped up. Themed store displays, and candy, are everywhere. Halloween was less terrifying than usual due to social distancing at haunted houses. Pumpkin flavored everything is available. The news is talking about how to enjoy a virtual Thanksgiving with your loved ones. Or, for the daredevils of the world, how to safely meet in person. You know, just a standard year filled with standard holiday happenings.

One of my favorite things about this time of year, outside of the lights, is the holiday music scene. Well … let me rephrase. One of my favorite things about any time of the year is holiday music. It just brings a whole new hype level when we’re actually within the 55 day mark. Which, of course, is HALLOWEEN. A most ironic symbol. Terrifying horror stories kick off the final countdown to love, peace, and joy. And fresh starts. I think for most people, all we want for Christmas is for 2021 to finally arrive. But also the iPhone 12 because we still have people to impress on social media.

Despite my personal feelings on the matter, I’m very aware that not everyone is in the same sleigh here. Everyone has their ‘it’s too early’ line and are rarely willing to cross it. Which then begs the existential crisis of a question – how early is too early? I tend to think that your answer to this very much depends on where you stand on Thanksgiving. Specifically on the following questions that I have answered to help clear up any confusion:

Is it a holiday?
- Yes! Of course it’s a holiday – some 401 years ago someone landed here and ate to celebrate. And so we continue to celebrate their miraculous sea voyage out of respect
Is it a holiday that needs a buildup?
- Definitely not! It’s a meal. At the end of the day, it’s simply a family meal. A typical Sunday lunch for some people. Just with more effort involved in cooking and cleaning
Is it a holiday we decorate for?
- Nope! What would you do? Throw out some gourds, put leaves on your walls, and place a fake cornucopia in the middle of the table? So basically if you were decorating for the leaves changing colors then, ok
Is there specific Thanksgiving events that would lead to an intense hype?
- There are! Turkey Trots anyone? Because deep down we know what kind of annihilation we’ll be bringing on our stomachs later in the afternoon so we try to get ahead of it
Is it really just a few days off work?
- Technically, yes! It’s just part of the standard holiday days at most companies. Along with Black Friday because we’re all too full to move still. And thus productivity would be non-existent
Is it simply another excuse to supersize our meals?
- For sure! There’s literally zero reason that Thanksgiving dinner needs to have more food than a normal family would prep in a week. Also, what’s with the skipping lunch tradition? Hard pass – I still want 3 meals that day regardless of how it happens
Is it just an old tradition that involved food so we stuck with it?
- Probably! What other holidays survived? Ones that involve eating, or drinking in some fashion. Give the people what they want!
Is it necessary?
- 100%! If we didn’t have Thanksgiving we would just have this weird almost 2 months between Halloween and Christmas where panic would ensue. There would be no clear, this is now Christmas time, for all the people who believe Thanksgiving deserves 3+ weeks of buildup. When would they start listening to holiday music? When would they decorate with trees and snowmen and elves? Would they just accidentally miss Christmas?! The horror
Is there an exchanging of gifts?
- If you’re asking this question, you clearly are the person who listens to All I Want For Christmas is You one time and plays Silent Night before bed on Christmas Eve. Then preps for New Year’s. Gifts? Of food maybe

Not sure if that clears up your dilemma on when you believe it’s socially acceptable to turn those holiday jams on. But if you agreed with any of my answers, jump aboard the 55 day train and blast some Mariah, some JB, some Kelly, some PTX, or anyone else you enjoy! If you feel bad about Thanksgiving, don’t. There’s still plenty of people out there who are giving the turkeys their fair share of time. Besides, it’s not like you’re not going to celebrate it? Thanksgiving will still get its day of love and full bellies.

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Tag: Christmas