MAKING MY PARENTS PROUD, MY SIBLINGS ARE

I’m going to start by saying that I love my siblings very much. Just needed to put that out there so I don’t get blackballed from future family gatherings / gift exchanges. It has, however, recently been brought to my attention that I am the least successful sibling. Which is interesting. Because I don’t remember when I went from first to worst. Last time I checked I was riding a solid middle of the pack wave.

At some point, fairly recently, I clearly fell down the totem pole. Could it have been because the rest of my siblings are annoyingly successful at everything? Probably. They’re those people who could get pushed backwards out of a first story window and land on their feet. That’s barely possible for cats. Who are known for their nimbleness and immortality. Do you know someone like this? No? Then you’re probably this person. Own it! Not all of us have been blessed by the life gods. 

Nothing like accomplishing something you didn’t think was possible, like landing a real adult job after graduation, only to have your freaking sibling pipe up right after to announce they’ve been invited to have dinner with the Prime Minister for their dedication to inclusion with the international students on campus. What?! Excuse me, but this is not your sharing time. I am now officially contributing to society at the lowest possible level a college degree will get you. Go somewhere else with all that. Maybe the UK? They seem to want to talk more about what an amazing human being you are. 

Has this ever happened to you? Do you find it irritating? It’s kind of like ordering an amazing cone of ice cream at the beach just to step outside and have the whole thing melt immediately in the sauna and fall to the ground. Then you have to figure out what your next “big” move will be. And then, you have to figure out how to actually implement the next “big” move. And then, you have to start tracking towards the end goal of your next “big” move. And then, when you finally accomplish this “big” move, your siblings have casually become a walk-on star athlete, a National College Student of the Year, and the go-to security engineer at a major tech company. It’s fine. That’s fine. I’m fine. If anyone cares I’ve learned how to use my Crock-Pot. 

It’s an endless cycle. Because now I have to find an even bigger “big” move. One that will surely outdo whatever my siblings decide to bring up in casual dinner conversation. Get a puppy? So much commitment, though. Start a business? But doing what? Become a celebrity? Highly plausible. The ultimate social media achievement. Lots of influence. This is clearly an attainable goal that will outshine whatever grandchild, Nobel Prize, or technological creation my siblings will be able to speak on. 

I believe the real issue here may be time-management. While I am able to successfully work, be mildly social, and a binge-watching pro (more on how to successfully complete a binge-watch marathon in THIS POST), it appears that some people have an extra block. Dedicated to actual goals? Where do I sign up for this? My schedule is clearly very full as is. I guess I could give up social things? Is it worth it? Nah. All my siblings are very social so that must not be the weak spot here. Oh! Duh! It’s work. I need to quit my job. Can’t believe I was today years old when I realized what a freaking ball and chain the office was in my pursuit of most successful sibling.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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I FREQUENTLY COMPLETE MARATHONS…BINGE WATCHING MARATHONS

Marathon runners confuse me. Actually, runners in general confuse me. I’ve done my fair share of running and can’t say that I find it enjoyable. Every time I have to go for a run, I try to find a GOOD EXCUSE to get out of it. With all the different options available for cardio, it’s not my top choice. Or even in my top few choices. It hurts my knees.

Running a 5K is hard – that’s why there’s so many couch to 5K training plans out there. Because it isn’t easy. Anything past that is pure torture. Why run 6.2, 10, or 13.1 miles when you could just not? You could just choose to bike, or swim, or stair step, or use an elliptical, or do strength training, or HIIT, or literally ANYTHING else! And those are just the tip of the running iceberg.

I don’t even like driving 26.2 miles as that is just a long ways. So why on Earth would I want to run that distance? Spoiler alert: I do not. For the elite, that takes what, 2 hours? 2 HOURS! OF RUNNING! WITHOUT A BREAK! I couldn’t even tell you the last time I ran for 2 hours in a week, let alone at one time. But that’s the elite – it takes normal people much longer.

In case it wasn’t clear, I am not a marathon runner. I am, however, great at binge-watching marathons. Put me in front of a TV for 2 hours and I don’t even blink (not actually because that seems highly unnatural, but you get the point). The invention of auto-play is the best, most unhealthy thing that has graced the streaming empires.

Although, I’m not a fan of the Netflix troll. “Are you still watching?” Take your judgement somewhere else. Yes, I am still watching. Have you noticed that the amount of episodes you can watch before that message comes up has shortened? It used to be 6, but now after 4 in a row it gets sassy. Maybe it’s part of the initiative to encourage physical activity…like running. Or maybe it’s just a way of encouraging you to do survival things like eat, drink, use the bathroom, find a window to see the outdoors, etc.

Maybe I tend to be more prepared than most people. If I know it’s about to be a long night with me, my feelings, and some (hopefully) decent television, I put snack options and at least two drinks on the table in front of me. Then I cocoon myself in a blanket, curl into the smallest possible ball that I can (it’s almost like a challenge between me and myself now), and make sure I can reach everything without moving. I’m not an animal though, I do pause when needed for bio breaks. So there’s no need to ask if I’m still watching. I will tell YOU when I’m done…don’t worry about me.

Internet trolling is a fun topic to dissect, but that’s not the point of this post so I will withhold the rest of my sentiments there. Personally, I believe that everyone can be a binge-watching champ. There’s a streaming service for everyone (you can find out which one I like best in THIS POST). Almost as if Oprah went to the TV world offices and was like “You know what? Monopolizing this market seems unfair. So, Amazon – you get a streaming service! Disney – you get a streaming service! YouTube – you get a streaming service! Apple – you get a streaming service! EVERYONE GETS A STREAMING SERVICE!

Sometimes I walk into my office and adapt this giving mentality. Melissa – you get one of my tasks! Joe – you get to finish one of my projects! Karen – you get to buy me lunch today! Nathan – you get to have the one-on-one with my manager! EVERYONE GETS TO DO MY WORK TODAY! Surprisingly, I have yet to experience the same amount of overwhelming thanks that Oprah always seems to receive…most curious. I feel like I say it the exact same way with very different results.

Long story short, anyone can be a marathoner. Maybe not a physical marathoner, but horizontal running is a thing thanks to Fat Amy. So sit that hiney on the couch, prep with all the necessary fluids, carbs, and proteins in an easy to reach place, get your hydration station ready, and click that power button on the remote.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who enjoys running, give them that look that says “What’s wrong with you?”. Then continue to not torture yourself and instead, enjoy yourself. Thanks for reading!


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