SWIVEL CHAIRS ARE THE SLICED BREAD OF OFFICE FURNITURE

Think about your job for a second. I know, I’m sorry to take you there, but play along. Trust me. Now, think about your office building – specifically your desk. What do you love about your desk? Is it the pictures of your friends/family that prove you have a life when you leave the building? Is it the holiday decorations that you refuse to take down because who says you can’t have a cheerful spirit all year? Is it the snack stash that you have for “stressful” times (AKA, every second of every minute of every hour of the work day)? Is it the dividers blocking you from having to actually *gasp* talk to your co-workers?

Sure, those things are all fine. But think more superficially and less emotionally. Think about your desk chair. Are you blessed with a swivel chair? Then you, my friend, are blessed enough! Swivel chairs are my favorite part of the office. Arguably, my favorite invention. Who doesn’t love a good swivel chair?! Monsters, that’s who.

Are there crappy swivel chairs out there? Sure. There’s crappy cars, crappy phones, crappy streaming services, crappy memes, crappy tacos. And yet, we still have a deep connection with all of those things, yes? When you eat a taco that is not your favorite, you don’t go back to that place. You find a better taco joint. When you see a mediocre meme, you keep reading through memes until you find one you can’t stop laughing at. When your streaming service decides to drop the handful of channels you actually watch, you cancel your subscription and level up to a better one.

Same concept with your desk chair. Not all swivel chairs are created equally – I’ll be the first to admit that. Which is why I keep stealing my old chair back when they “upgrade” us to whatever new and innovative seat someone found on the Internet. They can hide it wherever they want, I will find it. That’s how much I like my chair. For the amount of time I’m forced to sit in it, I better LOVE it! So if you don’t love where you’re sitting, find out who in the office is in charge of rear comfort and make fast friends with them. Then ask to be leveled up. Or find a desk with a chair you enjoy, work late one day, casually roll yourself over there, stand up, then accidentally sit back down in the better chair, and roll away.

I’m a self-proclaimed chair testing pro, I can sit in a chair and know immediately whether or not it’s going to bring me comfort or sadness during my time in it. Have you ever gone to an office supply store and just tested out every chair option they have? No? Well that’s why you sit in a chair of disappointment. Because you don’t know what you’re missing. And that makes me sad. A good chair can change your work life. Well…ok, maybe not completely, but it will at least make you happy to sit down.

Now that we all have a blissful place to sit at work, let’s talk about how amazing of a thing swiveling truly is. Have you ever thought about how cool this is? Like really, truly thought about it? Probably not, but I forgive you because I tend to go deep into the details of the most basic things – thus this blog. Need a break from staring at your computer? Don’t get up, simply turn away. Need to ask your co-worker, who sits behind you and always has headphones on, something? Don’t get up, simply turn around and get their attention. Need a quick workout because you’ve skipped the gym sesh for the past couple of years? Don’t get up, simply lift your feet off the floor and use those abdominals to twist from side to side! Need a distraction in your meeting because, you know, meetings? Don’t get up (that’s rude), simply focus on the calming motion of moving in a circle.

Endless opportunities for fun. So the next time you’re having a hard time finding something to look forward to at work, might I suggest your chair? If your company is not progressive and all the chairs are immovable, it might be time to find a job with people not stuck in the last century. I mean, outside of kitchens I didn’t realize static chairs were still “in”. Seems like a waste of office furniture potential.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you have a swivel chair and have never been thankful for it, today’s a good day for that. If you don’t have a good swivel chair, find someone who does, and permanently borrow it from them. Thanks for reading!


FOLLOW TRP

Follow TRP on Twitter for shorter, daily insights on life as a millennial.

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox for maximum procrastination.

IF PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY, THE GYM HAS TAUGHT ME I HAVE ZERO STRENGTH

‘You know it was a good workout when you can’t feel your legs the next day’ – all the fitness gurus. ‘If I can’t feel my legs, that seems like a serious medical condition’ – Me

Pain is weakness leaving the body. Who came up with that phrase?! What weakness are you removing? Are there no other ways to get stronger? This seems like a backwards mentality – if you workout until you are in pain, then yes, eventually you’ll get stronger after you fully heal. On the other hand, if you push yourself without crossing the pain threshold, you’ll wake up feeling normal and will be able to do another workout…the very next day. Not 4-6 weeks later.

I mean sure, DOMS is satisfying (if you don’t know what DOMS is, it stands for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness), but soreness is the key word here. This isn’t DOMP for a reason. Pushing through pain leads to injury which leads to recovery AKA time spent on the couch doing little physical activity, but still eating like you’re training for the Olympics. (because we’re Americans and have zero control).

Can we all also agree that this statement is rude as hell?! What about all the workout beginners who are just in pain because working out is THE WORST and, if you have taken any extended amount of time off, you know that it will all hurt for a while. Just because life thinks it’s funny I guess. ‘Oh you want to be healthy and live longer? I’m going to make you work, suffer, and cry for it’ – Life. ‘Oh you want to be happy, comfortable, and pain free? I’m going to make sure your metabolism disappears and that just thinking about eating will make you gain weight’ – also Life.

Is that why yoga is so popular now? You can “work out” and feel like you didn’t do anything. I don’t want to get into my opinions on yoga…don’t feel a need to drive away mass amounts of readers for no real reason. All I’ll say, is that I believe yoga is a great supplement to other physical activities. I’m not a yogi, if you couldn’t tell. I’ve never felt good after a yoga workout, though, which is probably the reason. The instructors always tell me to stretch deeper which is PAINFUL because my flexibility leaves a lot to be desired if I’m honest. And, in case you missed the point of this post, pain is NOT what I’m aiming for.

Pilates I like. Barre should not even be considered a low impact workout – I didn’t know there were so many muscles in my butt that could hurt so bad. I’ve iced my a** one time and I’ve done a Barre workout one time. Coincidence? 100%! That was one of those workouts I had to take constant breaks from…at a random point during an exercise and not during designated water breaks. I also shed several tears.

Running is weird because jogging is considered low impact, but running is high impact? I’m as confused as you are with that sentence, but it’s actually true (Google it, I dare you). What’s the difference between running and jogging? I still haven’t figured that out because all knowing Google describes jogging as a pace that allows one to maintain a conversation…it also describes running (other than full on sprinting) as conversational pace. I’m about as lost as I was in every history class ever. Whole different topic though, let’s not even touch that right now.

So, Restless Professional, how am I supposed to stay physically active without finding myself in pain?’ – You, the reader. Cycling then? Rowing? Stairmaster? Horizontal running? You do you – there’s lots of options out there. For clarification, I never claimed to be a fitness expert. Merely an opinionated person who doesn’t believe in the pain for gains mentality. I like being able to walk without waddling and not having my co-workers judge my assumed personal life decisions. You know what they say about assumptions Karen?! They make an a** out of you…also me I think but that part seems irrelevant here. And we’ve entered another quote rabbit hole.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you are someone who also actively avoids pain then we are twinning hard core and you should share this with them. Brag about that to your peers. Thanks for reading!


FOLLOW TRP

Follow TRP on Twitter for shorter, daily insights on life as a millennial.

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox for maximum procrastination.

I FREQUENTLY COMPLETE MARATHONS…BINGE WATCHING MARATHONS

Marathon runners confuse me. Actually, runners in general confuse me. I’ve done my fair share of running and can’t say that I find it enjoyable. Every time I have to go for a run, I try to find a good excuse to get out of it. With all the different options available for cardio, it’s not my top choice. Or even in my top few choices. It hurts my knees.

Running a 5K is hard – that’s why there’s so many couch to 5K training plans out there. Because it isn’t easy. Anything past that is pure torture. Why run 6.2, 10, or 13.1 miles when you could just not? You could just choose to bike, or swim, or stair step, or use an elliptical, or do strength training, or HIIT, or literally ANYTHING else! And those are just the tip of the running iceberg.

I don’t even like driving 26.2 miles as that is just a long ways. So why on Earth would I want to run that distance? Spoiler alert: I do not. For the elite, that takes what, 2 hours? 2 HOURS! OF RUNNING! WITHOUT A BREAK! I couldn’t even tell you the last time I ran for 2 hours in a week, let alone at one time. But that’s the elite – it takes normal people much longer.

In case it wasn’t clear, I am not a marathon runner. I am, however, great at binge-watching marathons. Put me in front of a TV for 2 hours and I don’t even blink (not actually because that seems highly unnatural, but you get the point). The invention of auto-play is the best, most unhealthy thing that has graced the streaming empires.

Although, I’m not a fan of the Netflix troll. “Are you still watching?” Take your judgement somewhere else. Yes, I am still watching. Have you noticed that the amount of episodes you can watch before that message comes up has shortened? It used to be 6, but now after 4 in a row it gets sassy. Maybe it’s part of the initiative to encourage physical activity…like running. Or maybe it’s just a way of encouraging you to do survival things like eat, drink, use the bathroom, find a window to see the outdoors, etc.

Maybe I tend to be more prepared than most people. If I know it’s about to be a long night with me, my feelings, and some (hopefully) decent television, I put snack options and at least two drinks on the table in front of me. Then I cocoon myself in a blanket, curl into the smallest possible ball that I can (it’s almost like a challenge between me and myself now), and make sure I can reach everything without moving. I’m not an animal though, I do pause when needed for bio breaks. So there’s no need to ask if I’m still watching. I will tell YOU when I’m done…don’t worry about me.

Internet trolling is a fun topic to dissect, but that’s not the point of this post so I will withhold the rest of my sentiments there. Personally, I believe that everyone can be a binge-watching champ. There’s a streaming service for everyone. Almost as if Oprah went to the TV world offices and was like “You know what? Monopolizing this market seems unfair. So, Amazon – you get a streaming service! Disney – you get a streaming service! YouTube – you get a streaming service! Apple – you get a streaming service! EVERYONE GETS A STREAMING SERVICE!

Sometimes I walk into my office and adapt this giving mentality. Melissa – you get one of my tasks! Joe – you get to finish one of my projects! Karen – you get to buy me lunch today! Nathan – you get to have the one-on-one with my manager! EVERYONE GETS TO DO MY WORK TODAY! Surprisingly, I have yet to experience the same amount of overwhelming thanks that Oprah always seems to receive…most curious. I feel like I say it the exact same way with very different results.

Long story short, anyone can be a marathoner. Maybe not a physical marathoner, but horizontal running is a thing thanks to Fat Amy. So sit that hiney on the couch, prep with all the necessary fluids, carbs, and proteins in an easy to reach place, get your hydration station ready, and click that power button on the remote.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who enjoys running, give them that look that says “What’s wrong with you?”. Then continue to not torture yourself and instead, enjoy yourself. Thanks for reading!


FOLLOW TRP

Follow TRP on Twitter for shorter, daily insights on life as a millennial.

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox for maximum procrastination.