I JUST REWATCHED MADAGASCAR AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Marty is a wild child! Escaping the cage, getting his friends shipped across the world, and overall rebelling. He is the embodiment of a 10 year old boy. Loyalty and all.

WHY ARE PUBLIC RESTROOM FLOORS ALWAYS WET?

Someone please help me understand what goes on behind a stall door that causes a tsunami on the floor because I genuinely do not get it. Am I the only one who can use the bathroom without making a mess?

RANKING CLASSIC THANKSGIVING SIDE DISHES

What’s the best part of Thanksgiving dinner? The side dishes, but not all of them have the same appeal. Here’s my vote on what to load up on and what to feed the dog.

RANKING CHORES FROM WORST TO ACCEPTABLE

Is there anyone who looks forward to chores? Or is everyone like me and sees it as just a to-do list item to check off on a somewhat frequent basis? On the bright side, some of them are not as painful as others.

STOUFFER’S COOKING TIMES ARE UNACCEPTABLE

Hello, hi, Stouffer’s? If you could cut your bake time in like a third that would be great. Sincerely, all the hungry people of the world.

SPEED LIMITS: MAXIMUMS OR MINIMUMS?

While technically a maximum, we all know that speed limits are the minimum you should be moving at. Including the police, thus the buffer of speeds above it.

KING BOO, SO NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US

Ghosts are cowards. All they do is sneak up on people, tease them, scare them, and then vanish into the safety of the darkness never to be seen or heard from again. It’s about time to bring out my Proton Pack and send all these little bitties where they belong – to the Containment Unit.

I JUST REWATCHED IT AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

I’m just saying, if I saw a clown randomly appear in front of an abandoned house I, for sure, would not stick around to figure out if it was friendly or dangerous. It can kill me from behind, but at least I won’t have to look at it’s multiple rows of teeth.

KARAOKE IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

There’s nothing more therapeutic than finding a song that matches your current mood and singing the lyrics. Even if you aren’t a professional singer – that’s what makes it more fun.

DEAR ENGLISH EXAMS: MY OPINIONS ARE NEITHER CORRECT, NOR INCORRECT, THEY JUST ARE

If the answer is opinion based, how can it A) be multiple choice and B) have incorrect answers?

The Restless Professional

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Tag: Fall