I JUST REWATCHED MONSTERS, INC. AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Nobody likes having monsters under their bed at night. At least not until we learned how absolutely lovable they are! I think monsters have gotten a bad reputation in the human world for some time, and thankfully Mike and Sully helped shed some valuable insight into the reasons behind the scare. Despite the questionably logical approach to energy creation in Monstropolis, I have some unanswered questions, and plenty of observations from this adorable film:

  • We get a very Soul type vibe in the intro. Jazz music and all. Nice recycle here Disney, though Soul did have a necessary modernization for it’s 2020 release
  • The main monster in the intro skit looks like a venus fly trap
  • This little boy in the simulator is not suspicious that his closet door opened on its own? Fake news
  • How does Flem manage to destroy the entire room?
  • I enjoy the intern vibe of the assessor’s “assistants” not knowing the answer to clearly a basic question
  • Mr. Waternoose is correct – there is nothing more deadly or toxic than a human child. Thus, my current lack of them
  • If screams produce energy, why does Mr. Waternoose casually let a whole capsule free just to prove a point? Seems like a waste
  • ‘Less talk, more pain Marshmallow boy’ – if that isn’t motivating, I don’t know what it
  • Does Sully just wake up and work out, growling at Mike and all, without brushing his teeth?
  • Monsters, Inc. matches children to their ideal monster? That is a nightmare factory of a serial killer
  • We’ve all been Mike in the Monsters, Inc. commercial – covered up by the logo and not giving a darn
  • How is it efficient for the building doors in Monstropolis to all be customized to its residents?
  • Grocery is not spelled Grossery, but maybe monsters can’t spell
  • If the monsters are walking, why does the sign say Don’t Stalk / Stalk? Nowhere else in the movie is it referred to as stalking
  • Do any calls get through at Monsters, Inc.? Celia puts everyone on hold
  • You could roll Celia into a ball and she would still only be about half as round as Mike
  • Why would you put a slug monster in charge of keeping the floors clean?
  • ‘My succulent little garden snail’ – wow, incredible use of adjectives for what is obviously a monster version of a Karen
  • If monsters created the ability to jump through some space time continuum into human bedrooms, why haven’t we figured out the reverse?
  • The scare floor is quite the operation … like a factory line … for nightmares
  • ‘A kid almost touched me. I could have died!’ is a relatable feeling for all young, single millennials
  • The announcement for neverminding Randall’s temporary lead is like every day on the job where you think you’re doing a good job, then realize you’ve been doing it all wrong
  • One would think there was a less intense process to remove a single sock from a monster. A kid, yes, then the CDA seems necessary, but a sock? So extreme
  • How do you become a scare recruit versus an ordinary Monstropolis citizen? How hard is it to get accepted?
  • Lol odorant instead of deodorant
  • Is Mike the only assistant that doesn’t file his paperwork? How has he not been fired?
  • Why doesn’t Sully just throw Boo in her room, like a football, and slam the door? It would be more effective
  • Did Sully really think flushing those toys down the toilet would work?
  • Is Boo demented? Why does she want to play with Sully? Who is a monster
  • I think having an octopus as the sushi chef is a bit of animal profiling and also a sick joke. He’s probably chopping up his friends
  • No one notices a walking bag in a nice restaurant? That doesn’t raise any concern?
  • ‘It is my professional opinion that now is the time to panic’ – a news report in Monsters, Inc. that also could run at any point in today’s current society
  • Imagine you’re a giant monster, and there’s a tiny child – why not just scare them and let CDA handle it?
  • If Sully and Mike live in the penthouse, how did they just walk out the door onto the street?
  • Did they not realize how innocent kids were when they were asleep? Why does Boo have to be the one to show them?
  • How many kids have walk-in closets? Apparently everyone in the world. And how many remember to close them each night? I don’t even close my closet door
  • Bring an obscure relative to work day – how does Mr. Waternoose not know he didn’t approve that
  • Is Boo actually potty trained? I find that hard to believe
  • How is Boo so slippery? Why does Sully keep losing her?
  • ‘Put that thing back where it came from, so help me’ is the Pixar short we all need in our lives
  • Why is Celia in a neck brace? How did that happen? What was her arrest like? It seemed pretty docile
  • Mike legit forgot that lunch was in 5 minutes? I’m calling BS since every employee ever knows when their lunch break is
  • Sully basically saw his pet get run through a trash compactor and pounded into a block. His poor emotional state
  • All the CDA agents were using the bathroom at the same time. Why? Are all their relief cycles synced up?
  • No wonder Sully is single, he gets attached way too quickly
  • ‘1, 2, 3, 4 get the kid back through the door’ – a babysitting moto
  • When in doubt, go down the dark tunnel completely unprepared for what you may encounter
  • ‘If you’re gonna threaten me, do it properly’ is why we all love Mike Wazowski
  • Mike says hello to the scream extractor. Those actual words. ‘Hello.’ It’s a machine
  • Does no one else in the company know this dungeon lab of Randall’s exists?
  • Who names their kid Fungus? Poor guy
  • Was Sully previously unaware of his scare face? He had to know, right?
  • So, let me get this straight … Monsters, Inc. had a door specifically to banish monsters out of? For what reason? Why not just fire them? So dramatic
  • The Abominable Snowman looks like a giant sheep
  • Why are the monster lips so realistic looking? With wrinkles and all it’s slightly creepy
  • Mike is so emotional, but his communication skills are on point
  • Celia is very up and down with rattlesnakes on her head – what does Mike see in her? 
  • ‘What a plan, simple yet insane’ is me before every workout
  • Do the doors have to move at warp speed in the warehouse? Is that necessary?
  • Would it not have been easier to climb up the three doors to Boo’s instead of travelling through random kids’ closets?
  • Sully, the number one rule is to close the door. And what did you not do? Close the door. You deserved to be kicked out
  • Did the CDA not see Mike and Sully’s claws on top of Boo’s door? Quite observant this group
  • Mr. Waternoose moves surprisingly well for an old crab
  • Of course Roz is number one at the CDA. Who else should we have expected?
  • Was Boo not ever hungry during this adventure? When was the last time she ate?
  • Boo has a little Jesse, you know, from Toy Story because why not throw easter eggs in
  • How much therapy do we think Boo will need to mentally recover from this?
  • Why are Sully’s legs only about ⅕ of his total body height?
  • Sully pulls the last piece of Boo’s door off his clipboard, which was taped on there, and it comes off, but there’s no tape on there anymore. Never in my life has that been true. Where did the tape magically vanish to?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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WHAT DO COVID AND VOLDEMORT HAVE IN COMMON?

Unless you’ve been living underground for the past six-ish months, more than likely you’re aware about the pandemic happening throughout the world. COVID-19. Coronavirus, if it’s feeling fancy. There’s a lot to be said about how our lives are being changed daily in response to the incredibly rapid spread of the ‘Rona, but I’m not super interested in the facts or political aspect of it at the moment. Like most people, it’s been on my mind a lot. Unlike most people, I’ve been trying to find how it’s different from Voldemort and have been wildly unsuccessful.

When you really put some thought into it, I think that you too will be left unconvinced that this is not the magical moment Harry Potter fans have been waiting for since 1997. Magic in the muggle world. And with that, the possibility that you, or me, are secretly wizards about to receive our Hogwarts summoning. Some of you may already own wands, robes, and house colors. Like any good wizard trapped in a muggle body, though, you are well aware that your love for a certain color combination gives you zero preference with the sorting hat. I would venture that some of you need to brace yourselves for that reality.

How to become a wizard is a fun discussion topic and one that I, obviously, have a lot of thoughts and questions on. But, unfortunately, today is not the day to jump on that train. No, we are here to examine cold hard facts that our suffering is being caused by You-Know-Who. Is it really so hard to believe that this would be his next choice of form? What is dead may never die (thank you GAME OF THRONES for teaching us that lesson) and clearly his soul has been dead for a long, long, long time. Besides, of all ways to finally kill Harry Potter, this seems like the most unsuspecting and overall destructive. 

Ok! Enough with the build-up – what do COVID and Voldemort have in common? Aliases, choice in profession, hobbies, relationship status, adaptability, reputation, and personality. As we do here at TRP, let’s break those down for clarity:

Aliases

This feels like a good starting point, because it’s obvious. Voldemort and COVID are nicknames. Tom Marvolo Riddle and Coronavirus are their given names. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and ‘Rona are how they’re mostly known by those with no personal connection. And of course, one is You-Know-Who while the other is You-Know-What.

Choice in Profession

Voldemort’s profession is hunting Harry Potter and anyone who stands in his way. COVID’s profession is also hunting Harry Potter and anyone who stands in its way. In other words, what they do does not come from a college degree. It comes from having no soul or empathy.

Hobbies

Master death and become immortal. One of the two has successfully achieved this and it isn’t a supposedly fictional character. Coincidence? No, I think it was just a matter of time before the Dark Arts progressed enough to get on this level. Thus, we have Tommy Boy in tiny virus form everywhere.

Relationship Status

If hearing that everyone’s favorite noseless monster is single surprises you, I’m deeply concerned about your ability to read other people. I would venture to say that Corona is also not the romantic type and tends to fly solo, stealing love from others.

Adaptability

Voldemort has taken on many forms so who are we to deny the most current one being a deadly, highly contagious, virus. COVID has been disturbingly adaptable to all methods of prevention and treatment. Only a monster would keep switching things up to avoid being put down. And we all know that Voldemort is a monster.

Reputation

For the wizarding world, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is infamous and known by everyone, but not in a popular way. More of a fear-instilling, stay far, far away, type. For the muggle world, we all know that not even limes can make Corona better and are not thrilled about its persistence.

Personality

Tom clearly suffers from a lack of a soul, or I guess, technically, a damaged soul. I believe that COVID has no soul. Which, clearly means that Tom has finally split his soul so many times seeking immortality that it has been destroyed. Also, from a visual standpoint, a very closeup image of a ‘Rona virus has the same “skin” color as Voldemort and red “eyes”, like Voldemort. Plus interacting with either one of them is basically a death sentence so all the signs match up.

If you’re still on the fence, you must not know who Voldemort is. This connection is so obvious. Or … oh my. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you’re a muggle. That is the only logical explanation. Us wizards are able to see what’s happening because we have the gift of sensing when evil is around us. Don’t worry, though, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Just watch out for the death eaters: coughing, shortness of breath, and fever. 

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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