I JUST REWATCHED MADAGASCAR AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Marty is a wild child! Escaping the cage, getting his friends shipped across the world, and overall rebelling. He is the embodiment of a 10 year old boy. Loyalty and all.

I JUST REWATCHED IT AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

I’m just saying, if I saw a clown randomly appear in front of an abandoned house I, for sure, would not stick around to figure out if it was friendly or dangerous. It can kill me from behind, but at least I won’t have to look at it’s multiple rows of teeth.

I JUST REWATCHED 22 JUMP STREET AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Remember college? Was it the same as Schmidt and Jenko’s experience? Hopefully not since they’re trying to stop a drug ring … but who am I to judge. At least they’re making the most out of their short time there.

I JUST WATCHED A QUIET PLACE AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

For a movie all about being quiet, there sure is a lot going on in it. Nosies, for one, and lots of fear, but who wouldn’t be afraid of a stealthy, swimming ninja, gorilla running, tetris head death eater coming after you. I found myself staying physically quiet during the movie, although that didn’t stop my mind from screaming at full strength about all of my questions and observations from this creepy film:

What is so special about day 89? If you could pick any number, why that high of an odd?
Also, if it’s been 89 days how is the pharmacy so well stocked still? And why are all the pill bottles the only section that doesn’t look destroyed?
What kind of childhood do you have in this world? Can’t run around screaming on the playground or throw a temper tantrum. Pure anarchy
Poor little boy just wants to play with that rocket
How likely is it that these kids will ever find love? I mean, how many people are left in this society?
Are shoes too loud? How does no one have splinters from walking barefoot on the railroad tracks?
Why would the parents let the smallest member of the family walk in the back of the line?
Well … that was terrible! The little boy, really?! The dad should not have put the batteries within his reach. And let’s not forget sister sin who gave him back the rocket
All of a sudden we’re 400 days in the future? What is this timeline?
Let’s be honest those newspapers would not look so pristine for being 400 and something days old
If they all survive, they’d be amazing ninjas. So stealthy
Of course she’s pregnant – imagine trying to give birth silently … I’d rather die
Do they cut their own hair, COVID style, or no?
Are the monsters blind? Did all of their senses go to their hearing because they don’t seem to be trying to hide so much as be silent
What are the chances she’s taking her prenatal vitamins? I’m assuming the pharmacy has long since run out
Showers are loud, yes? So how are they staying somewhat clean?
Again, the monsters supposedly have amazing hearing and we think they aren’t going to be able to hear the dog whistle that is the hearing aid?
Same with washing clothes, right? These everyday activities are loud and yet, her dress was very blue and clearly had not been half-washed for 400+ days
Let me get this straight, we jumped almost 90 days, then almost 400 days, and then we jumped one day. A singular day
Why risk having a baby in this post-apocalyptic world? Babies do what? Everybody! Cry! Babies cry!
They’re living in a farmhouse so who lives / lived in the big white one? That I’m assuming is creaky
Math class, seriously?! Shouldn’t you be more concerned with escaping the monsters? Or finding a way to kill them? Seems more pressing
And a fine example of the daughter getting stereotyped into staying home while the son gets to roam the fields and learn survival skills
Yes, running away seems like a smart idea for a young girl in a scary world
If you feel resistance on the laundry bag, why would you not back down the steps and carefully untangle it? Instead of forcefully pulling it?
There’s always a creepy, abandoned house in scary movies
Who would have guessed that aforementioned creepy, abandoned house would lead to a monster scene? Literally everyone
I’m assuming the marks on the walls of their house (?) are from the monsters and not just peeling wallpaper … am I right?
I know that stepping on that nail hurt
What an unfortunate series of events for the mom. Punctured foot, most likely a tetanus risk, in labor, and with monsters literally in your home. Talk about bad timing
Is there a reason the monsters have crab arms? Just because or is it a murdering mechanism?
Did they forget about their other two children who are somewhere in the wild?
Is putting a baby inside a coffin with some sort of mask over its face ethical? Probably the least of their concerns I suppose
And suddenly the parents remembered the rest of the family
How did the dad not see / hear the gushing water headed straight towards mom and the new baby?
If I saw the monster go under the water, I would most certainly not keep walking through the water
A little children of the corn vibe going on with the silo scene
Some tetris head looking crab man kind of monster. Who designed them?
Did the little girl kill one? From killer to hero all in a few short film minutes
Pretty sure the shotgun blast will attract ALL of the monsters. But good job for killing one
How are you going to end the movie right before the mass destruction? What kind of absolute nonsense is this?!
Are we to assume that the humans won since there is a sequel? I honestly find that impossible to believe

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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I JUST REWATCHED THE PRINCESS DIARIES AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Genovia, the land I call my home! Genovia, Genovia, forever will your banner wave! And all of your outdated rules about how a princess should behave. Despite some questionable requirements for royalty, who doesn’t love a good rags to riches story? With the glow-up of the century to boot. Mia embodies a true confused millennial spirit as she is presented with the throne of a country and as much as I love this story, there are moments that confuse even myself – a fellow confused millennial. Please enjoy all of my questions and observations presented by official TRP decree:

The opening credits have a very 90s animated movie type, but it was 20 years ago so I’ll let it slide (unlike Clarice)
Imagine living in a refurbished fire station … your alarm clock could be the siren
Their neighbor is Mr. Robitussin? Like the cough medicine?
I see electric scooters were cool even in the the early 2000s
Lana, Anna, and Fontana give off pre Mean Girls Mean Girls vibes
Why does Lilly carry around a rubber band ball? Did they not have stress balls back then?
Imagine if debate was a required class in high school. The absolute trauma as if high school isn’t stressful enough
Is rock climbing an approved future princess exercise? I would have guessed yoga or pilates
I wish someone would tell me to meet them somewhere with zero context and give me the address to a consulate
Mia’s social skills are impeccable all throughout the movie
‘You’ve got pears in your flowers’ – yes, good eye detective Amelia
I admire Mia’s ability to be 100% herself even in the presence of royalty, part one
Kind of them to accept the challenge of turning Mia into a princess, like they had another option
Why open the gate if she’s running away? Why not keep her locked in?
The Thermopolis home looks like a modern art museum
Is Mia qualified to be a princess owning a cat, not a dog? Pretty sure that’s the main dealbreaker to lead people … someone should alert Clarice
Does San Francisco not have safe drinking water? Why open a water bottle to pour it in the cup?
Not sure I would put Spain and Portugal on hold until a teenage girl gets over their current mood swing. Could be years before they even out
Mia in a limo for the first time is me with every new piece of technology I get
Good thing Mia is a princess because she definitely isn’t going to be a professional athlete
Does Mia not know how saliva works? It definitely doesn’t work like glue
Cringe moment! The mom is dating a teacher? Come on mom! You might as well kill all of the (little) social potential Mia had
Who keeps putting Mia on sports teams? She clearly is not capable in that area of life
‘I’ve never put on pantyhose, but it sounds dangerous’ – Joe, and every man ever who has experienced a woman putting them on
Paolo, Gretchen, and Helga – the Charlie’s Angels of the fashion world #GenoviaStyle
Why does everyone wear sunglasses indoors in the early 2000s? Was that acceptable then? Because it still isn’t acceptable now
Eye for an eye. Glasses for a brush. Seems fair to me
Michael has an OG High School Musical Zac Efron vibe going on
Lilly doesn’t seem to be best friend level in tune with Mia’s emotions most of the first half of the movie
Mia’s sense of self never ceases to amaze me in this movie. Truly the best part of the whole thing, part two
Not the friendship charm! In the dirt?! That’s too far Lilly
Why has no one created a business from throwing darts at paint balloons? We have trampoline parks and DIY pottery, but no dart painting? Smh
Does Mia ever do homework?
Gupta’s phone conversations are the definition of efficiency
Is Paolo the equivalent of Judas? Hollywood version and #GenoviaStyle?
The school announcements are so great. Don’t submit assignments virtually, stop rearranging the lawn tables, etc.
There always has to be a villain trying to get their face on postage stamps
We’ve all accidentally set something on fire at a fancy dinner, haven’t we? Why must there always be candles? We have electricity
Were there no dinner etiquette courses during Mia’s training?
How did Mia find the creepiest arcade in the whole world to take Clarice too?
Look at Clarice, sneaking out of a ticket with that famous womanly charm and made up titles
And, just when you think Mia is growing up, her 15 year old brain kicks in and she falls for the popular boy’s ruse. Bailing on Lilly AND Michael – rude
Who would have guessed that Josh would double cross Mia? Literally everyone
Can Mia be any more naively trusting of the worst people in school? She did it to herself I don’t feel that bad about the sailor Josh and Banana triplets incidents
Wait … Grove high school has a soft serve ice cream machine in their courtyard. I really missed out in public school
Why do Mia and Lilly keep going back to sports? It’s been established that they’re more of the artistic type well before this rooftop apology scene
Not sure I agree with the choice to waste an entire ice cream cone to make a point. Could have used anything else and saved the ice cream
What is the purpose of taking the cat to Colorado? It can’t climb the rocks with you. It can’t hike with you. It can’t go anywhere with you. It would just be a mooch
Of course there is a pear juggler because why not
Pretty sure pizza and M&Ms do not go together in the same bite
At what point do you stop putting money into a car and count your losses?
Shocking tear jerker moment when Joe shows up to rescue Mia from the storm and save all of Genovia – my emotions were not ready
And with one speech we crush the uprising of the evil Baron and Baroness … and their postage stamps
The queen just awkwardly leaves Mia in the middle of the dance floor to find her own partner? What if Michael had not shown up? Would Jeremiah have been chosen? Joe? Some rando?
20 years later – still a fantastic movie with an even better lesson, part three

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I JUST REWATCHED WONDER WOMAN 1984 AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Wonder Woman. Enough said. She’s a woman casually saving the world and making it look so effortless. Makes us ponder the age old dilemma: can women have it all? I think Diana Prince has given us a strong yes to that question, especially as we get a look at her superhero journey and struggling between love and saving the world. Despite all the wonderfulness that is this movie, I still had hella observations and gnarly questions:

Starting off strong – what parents let small children roam aimlessly through endless forests? Seems unsafe … animals eat children
I realize now why I will never be a superhero. I am unable to do anything remotely gymnastics based other than tumble into the soft block pit
If someone could explain the rules, and / or purpose, of the beginning contest to me and why a child would be competing against grown adults that’d be great
Life lesson #1: no true hero is born from lies
Is Diana not tired after all the warm up running she did before the competition and then, you know, the whole competition?
Are you even at a mall if it doesn’t have a JCPenney’s?
I think we all would like Wonder Woman to come deal with some of our exes, or maybe a co-worker, or maybe the line at the DMV after the beatdown she put on at the mall
Barbara is all of us at one point or another and she’s my favorite character. So awkward, so genuine, so innocent
Have to love the random gusts of air inside a building in the movies. The realism is insane
Life lesson #2: talking behind people’s backs is rude. They can hear you
‘Have you ever been in love?’ ‘So many times, yea. All the time’ – me every time I’m about to eat cheesecake
Who goes to bed in full makeup? That’s how breakouts happen you’d think Wonder Woman, of all people, would know that
New pickup line option: ‘I have a great relationship with Sears’
Is Barbara not suspicious of her newfound attention from men, and people, in general?
Who was in charge of casting Maxwell and Allister? I don’t see the resemblance
Walking in heels should be an Olympic event
Did … did Steve look different when first talking to Diana?
Life lesson #3: futons are not comfortable and should be cancelled
Have you ever been caught in bed stuffing your face with Pop-Tarts? If not, did you even go to college?
Why were swimsuits the gym fashion of choice for females? What did they wear to the beach?
80s fashion was truly a sight
Good to see the DC Metro looks the exact same that it did 40 years ago
Did anyone else know the extensiveness of the Smithsonian career network before watching this movie? I, for one, thought they were purely for visitation …
Life lesson #4: the truth is bigger than all of us
Imagine getting to spend some time in the future. We would all be Steve
Where on the National Mall is there a hidden airfield? How did that happen? How did they get there? Do those planes even work?
How terrifying would it be if a giant wall just appeared where you were trying to drive?
Did the taxi driver not think to ask for a ride after losing his car? Where is he going to go in the desert?
Does Diana always pack her superhero suit? Or is she always wearing it?
I wish I could just jump on a trampoline half as gracefully as Wonder Woman vaults through the air after being flung from a tank
Those children would not be ok after falling onto the pavement from that height and at that speed. Hollywood lies, I see
Is it just me, or did Diana change outfits during the Cairo trip? I remember seeing no luggage on the plane
Even Wonder Woman isn’t immune to the kryptonite of love
What is the decor theme in Maxwell’s office? What does it have to do with business, or oil?
Who brings a sword to a gunfight?
Where is the White House security team during the gunfight, by the way? Does this raise no alarms?
Oh dear … Barbara has turned evil in an unsurprising, but still disappointing, twist
And there’s the White House security team. 3 years later
I appreciate the nice creative twist on the worst case Cold War outcome, though
Life lesson #5: true love lasts the test of time
Steve is the true hero of the movie. If he hadn’t convinced Diana to renounce her wish the world would have imploded
How does Diana’s hair not get so incredibly tangled while literally flying?
Wonder Woman takes ride the lightning to a whole new level
Again, where does the gold suit come from? Did she have to go home and get it? Does it magically pack down into a portable size?
Why does Barbara look like a cat from your worst nightmare? She could have been anything
I take back what I said about Barbara being my favorite
Even though we all knew the ending was coming, I still loved it
Life lesson #6: greed is not the path to happiness
Did everyone just forget the chaos that occurred and the almost end of the world? Or do they just have holiday amnesia?
What happened to the guy whose body Steve took over while Steve was in it? Did he go into a coma? Did he miss all the insanity?
Does she ever miss her family?
A brief Asteria appearance at the end … what does that mean?! Is she still alive?! Where has she been?!
Is love your kryptonite?

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I JUST REWATCHED MONSTERS, INC. AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Nobody likes having monsters under their bed at night. At least not until we learned how absolutely lovable they are! I think monsters have gotten a bad reputation in the human world for some time, and thankfully Mike and Sully helped shed some valuable insight into the reasons behind the scare. Despite the questionably logical approach to energy creation in Monstropolis, I have some unanswered questions, and plenty of observations from this adorable film:

We get a very Soul type vibe in the intro. Jazz music and all. Nice recycle here Disney, though Soul did have a necessary modernization for it’s 2020 release
The main monster in the intro skit looks like a venus fly trap
This little boy in the simulator is not suspicious that his closet door opened on its own? Fake news
How does Flem manage to destroy the entire room?
I enjoy the intern vibe of the assessor’s “assistants” not knowing the answer to clearly a basic question
Mr. Waternoose is correct – there is nothing more deadly or toxic than a human child. Thus, my current lack of them
If screams produce energy, why does Mr. Waternoose casually let a whole capsule free just to prove a point? Seems like a waste
‘Less talk, more pain Marshmallow boy’ – if that isn’t motivating, I don’t know what it
Does Sully just wake up and work out, growling at Mike and all, without brushing his teeth?
Monsters, Inc. matches children to their ideal monster? That is a nightmare factory of a serial killer
We’ve all been Mike in the Monsters, Inc. commercial – covered up by the logo and not giving a darn
How is it efficient for the building doors in Monstropolis to all be customized to its residents?
Grocery is not spelled Grossery, but maybe monsters can’t spell
If the monsters are walking, why does the sign say Don’t Stalk / Stalk? Nowhere else in the movie is it referred to as stalking
Do any calls get through at Monsters, Inc.? Celia puts everyone on hold
You could roll Celia into a ball and she would still only be about half as round as Mike
Why would you put a slug monster in charge of keeping the floors clean?
‘My succulent little garden snail’ – wow, incredible use of adjectives for what is obviously a monster version of a Karen
If monsters created the ability to jump through some space time continuum into human bedrooms, why haven’t we figured out the reverse?
The scare floor is quite the operation … like a factory line … for nightmares
‘A kid almost touched me. I could have died!’ is a relatable feeling for all young, single millennials
The announcement for neverminding Randall’s temporary lead is like every day on the job where you think you’re doing a good job, then realize you’ve been doing it all wrong
One would think there was a less intense process to remove a single sock from a monster. A kid, yes, then the CDA seems necessary, but a sock? So extreme
How do you become a scare recruit versus an ordinary Monstropolis citizen? How hard is it to get accepted?
Lol odorant instead of deodorant
Is Mike the only assistant that doesn’t file his paperwork? How has he not been fired?
Why doesn’t Sully just throw Boo in her room, like a football, and slam the door? It would be more effective
Did Sully really think flushing those toys down the toilet would work?
Is Boo demented? Why does she want to play with Sully? Who is a monster
I think having an octopus as the sushi chef is a bit of animal profiling and also a sick joke. He’s probably chopping up his friends
No one notices a walking bag in a nice restaurant? That doesn’t raise any concern?
‘It is my professional opinion that now is the time to panic’ – a news report in Monsters, Inc. that also could run at any point in today’s current society
Imagine you’re a giant monster, and there’s a tiny child – why not just scare them and let CDA handle it?
If Sully and Mike live in the penthouse, how did they just walk out the door onto the street?
Did they not realize how innocent kids were when they were asleep? Why does Boo have to be the one to show them?
How many kids have walk-in closets? Apparently everyone in the world. And how many remember to close them each night? I don’t even close my closet door
Bring an obscure relative to work day – how does Mr. Waternoose not know he didn’t approve that
Is Boo actually potty trained? I find that hard to believe
How is Boo so slippery? Why does Sully keep losing her?
‘Put that thing back where it came from, so help me’ is the Pixar short we all need in our lives
Why is Celia in a neck brace? How did that happen? What was her arrest like? It seemed pretty docile
Mike legit forgot that lunch was in 5 minutes? I’m calling BS since every employee ever knows when their lunch break is
Sully basically saw his pet get run through a trash compactor and pounded into a block. His poor emotional state
All the CDA agents were using the bathroom at the same time. Why? Are all their relief cycles synced up?
No wonder Sully is single, he gets attached way too quickly
‘1, 2, 3, 4 get the kid back through the door’ – a babysitting moto
When in doubt, go down the dark tunnel completely unprepared for what you may encounter
‘If you’re gonna threaten me, do it properly’ is why we all love Mike Wazowski
Mike says hello to the scream extractor. Those actual words. ‘Hello.’ It’s a machine
Does no one else in the company know this dungeon lab of Randall’s exists?
Who names their kid Fungus? Poor guy
Was Sully previously unaware of his scare face? He had to know, right?
So, let me get this straight … Monsters, Inc. had a door specifically to banish monsters out of? For what reason? Why not just fire them? So dramatic
The Abominable Snowman looks like a giant sheep
Why are the monster lips so realistic looking? With wrinkles and all it’s slightly creepy
Mike is so emotional, but his communication skills are on point
Celia is very up and down with rattlesnakes on her head – what does Mike see in her?
‘What a plan, simple yet insane’ is me before every workout
Do the doors have to move at warp speed in the warehouse? Is that necessary?
Would it not have been easier to climb up the three doors to Boo’s instead of travelling through random kids’ closets?
Sully, the number one rule is to close the door. And what did you not do? Close the door. You deserved to be kicked out
Did the CDA not see Mike and Sully’s claws on top of Boo’s door? Quite observant this group
Mr. Waternoose moves surprisingly well for an old crab
Of course Roz is number one at the CDA. Who else should we have expected?
Was Boo not ever hungry during this adventure? When was the last time she ate?
Boo has a little Jesse, you know, from Toy Story because why not throw easter eggs in
How much therapy do we think Boo will need to mentally recover from this?
Why are Sully’s legs only about ⅕ of his total body height?
Sully pulls the last piece of Boo’s door off his clipboard, which was taped on there, and it comes off, but there’s no tape on there anymore. Never in my life has that been true. Where did the tape magically vanish to?

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I JUST REWATCHED LADY AND THE TRAMP AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

We all know everyone’s favorite spaghetti memory involves two dogs in love. Right? If you’ve never wanted to share the iconic meal on a date night to casually go in for a quick smooch, do you even have a soul? Anyways, I decided to rewatch the best dog love story created by Disney, to remind myself how great a dog’s love is, and have so many questions and furry observations:

The intro basically tells the entire plot through storyboard type drawings so why even watch the movie?
The fact that it’s dedicated specifically to dogs brings me more joy than it should
Remember mid-1950s animation? What a treat! But, also, thank goodness we’ve evolved technology wise
Lady’s Christmas present box has no air holes – she should be dead from the very start
Does Jim Dear actually think putting down a piece of newspaper is all it takes to house train a dog? And that it will ‘go right to sleep’? Were dogs not pets pre-1955 or is he just naive?
Let’s talk about all the dogs that can successfully only sleep on the bed for one night and then be fine sleeping somewhere else. And … we’re done. That’s not a real thing
Why would you give the dog coffee?! Are we to assume that it’s decaf? Because caffeine is poisonous for them
If anyone has ever owned a dog, you know that their dreams are the cutest thing in the world
What do we think they mean by getting the dog a license? Pretty sure you can buy a tag at anytime not just at the 6 month mark
How did the Tramp get in so good with all the restaurant owners? How do I also get them to know my name and give me free food?
Jim Dear and Darling are having a child, but they can’t still love their dog? Or even take care of it? Someone’s priorities are off
Why is Trusty going through the birds and the bees talk? Surely dogs don’t have sex ed
How does Jock know that babies are expensive?
Jim Dear is decorating a baby room for a boy while Darling is writing down baby names for a girl. They are not on the same page
Their baby shower feels more like a formal dinner party. Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part one
Why are Lady’s inner thoughts presented as a song? Am I the weirdo whose thoughts are spoken?
They had a boy, but the baby blanket is pink. For what reason? The 1950s were not that progressive
Aunt Sarah is a monster. Not appreciating Lady in the slightest
Ah, well that’s because she’s a crazy cat lady. Problem solved
The siamese cat song will haunt my dreams
How many animals do the Dear’s have? I’ve seen Lady, a bird, and a fish
Who does Aunt Sarah think she is? Buying a muzzle for a dog that isn’t her own? But also, how do Jim Dear and Darling not know how much she hates dogs and just send Lady to the kennel? Like responsible owners
Since when can dogs read?
If Tony loves the Tramp so much, why not adopt him?
How many customers are waiting for food while Tony uses his attention to give the dogs a full fledged date night?
Ah, the iconic spaghetti noodle scene is still beautiful
And shocker, by the time we get to Lady and the Tramp on the hill staring at the moon, we have seen all the important scenes from the storyboard intro appear in animated form
Are we supposed to infer that their relationship was sealed, so to speak?
What is Pidge? And how did Lady get that nickname?
The depiction of the dog pound is traumatizing. The Humane Society would have a field day with those conditions
How is Lady supposed to emotionally trust the Tramp after hearing Peg’s beautiful rendition of his lifestyle?
What kind of a love story is this? The Tramp is a pimp and Lady is just his current interest
Who keeps the windows open in a rainstorm? For starters, that’s how rain gets in. Apparently, that’s also how rats get in
Trusty magically recovers from losing his smell … we’re supposed to believe that? Or he was a liar in the beginning. We may never know
So Lady and the Tramp had time to have a litter of puppies, but Trusty is still in a cast?
Why don’t the puppies look more like a blend of Lady and the Tramp? Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part two

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I JUST REWATCHED BACK TO THE FUTURE AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Marty McFly – the name synonymous with zero shame, bad decisions, and questionable friendships. Dr. Emmett Brown – the name synonymous with crazy, but genius. What an interesting character combo. If my only friend was the town “scientist” who was much older than me, my parents wouldn’t have been so nonchalant about it. Anyways, I decided to rewatch the start of all our current reality let downs and I have so many questions and observations:

Is the beginning a scene from Back to the Future or part of Captain Hook’s nightmare. Clocks everywhere, but there is a nice foreshadowing clock with the man hanging off the arm
In 1955, Doc’s mantle featured pictures of 4 famous inventors, but his modern 1985 abode only retains Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Albert Einstein … why?
Does it bother no one else that the coffee pot is missing? The water would have spilled all over the floor
I like my smores marshmallows burnt, but not as burnt as the toast Doc supposedly eats for breakfast
It’s nice to see Doc is following top notch safety measures with a key hidden under the doormat
Where’s the one place people usually look for missing things? Under the bed. And yet, that’s where the plutonium is being stored
Where was the giant amp hidden? And how can Marty still hear anything after getting destroyed by a wave of sound? Don’t get me started on the damage to Doc’s place
Doc’s warehouse is casually “hidden” by the Burger King. This is accurate. Had it been a Wendy’s, this would have been a poor location choice
Pretty sure you can’t ride a skateboard behind a car. Just need to throw that out there
The encouragement from the school principal is … lacking. Also, slacker isn’t really an insult, I’m not sure it ever was
Only in high school would the excuse ‘you’re too darn loud’ be used to kick a band off stage
You’re telling me that Jennifer casually chose the bench with a Zales Jewelers advertisement on it to tie her shoe in front of Marty? She’s here for the long game
Was the crazy street lady really concerned with saving the clock tower or stopping public PDA?
How far away does Marty live from the town that he needs multiple different illegal car hitches to get there and arrives at dusk? In 1955 it said 2 miles. And he had a skateboard so what are we looking at – a 30 min trip? Max?
What does Marty do with his guitar during the day? Does it go in a music room? A locker? Doc’s place? He doesn’t have it at home, that’s for sure
Biff is just lovely in the original, non-tampered with 1985. ‘Who’s going to pay for this beer spill?’ So he’s admitting to drinking and driving? Which was also illegal in 1985
If Ralphie, from The Christmas Story, grew up, he would be George McFly
What is the fashion sense in the McFly household? Dave is in wannabe golfer outfits, Linda is dressing like a country club housewife, and Marty is sporting suspenders and all denim
I’m pretty sure Marty’s sleeping position is now a yoga pose
A parked van with smoke coming out of it in the middle of the night raises zero questions
OUTATIME – what a vanity plate! Instance #1 of great slogan placement
How can Doc see anything with smoke filling the DeLorean?
Poor Einstein. He’s like the space monkeys of time travel
Wouldn’t you want to get out of the path of the car coming back into the present at a casual 88MPH so it doesn’t hit you?
How did Doc and Marty meet, get acquainted, become friends, and decide to trust each other?
The date examples of important moments in history are broad: the signing of the declaration of Independence, the birth of Christ, and of course, November 5, 1955
Did anyone else notice that Doc was wearing a Hawaiian shirt underneath a jumpsuit with a radiation symbol on the back? Is Hawaii toxic? What is the purpose of this outfit?
I’m not an expert on stealing things, but I would bet that admitting you stole something on camera is a good way to get caught
Clearly plutonium must be handled with care, but Doc treats the yellow box full of samples a bit rough. Using his foot to open it, throwing things on it, etc. I’m concerned for his longevity
Who are the terrorists? Where did they come from? Why are they after Doc? What is this scene?
The terrorists have chosen a VW van as their assasination vehicle. Why? I have to believe you would want something with better handling and overall speed
Why a rocket launcher? That feels a bit extreme for the situation. Which is unclear
Marty has to know he has something on his head when exiting the DeLorean, right? He had to feel that
Also, Marty drives away in the middle of the night, says one sentence, and is all of a sudden in the middle of the day a short distance from where he started
Miller was clearly the beer sponsor. OG 1985 McFly’s had Miller Lite, but Hill Valley is sporting the Miller High Life truck since obviously, the Hill is higher
Why does Marty walk through the town square backwards? That’s a good way to run into people
Hill Valley town slogan: Please Drive Carefully! I’m dead – instance #2 of great slogan placement
Glad to see that Biff picked up zero new insults in 30 years
Imagine if you woke up and your mom, in her younger years, was hitting on you. No amount of therapy could fix that
Poor Joey – behind bars the whole movie. At least he seemed to enjoy it at 2
A nice foggy night is an ideal setting to be hunting for the hidden time travel in the middle of nowhere
Did Marty always show up and get Doc on the time travel path? Or, was Doc just smart and actually invented the flux capacitor?
How can a picture disappear? It’s a movie on time travel, not magic. The photo was already printed. Fake news
Best introspective question from Doc: why are things so heavy in the future? Where do I even start with 2020
‘Make like a tree and get out of here’ – so, so close Biff. Just like with Lorraine
George’s favorite TV show was Science Fiction Theater? Really?! What is that?
‘Lou, give me a milk. Chocolate’ since nothing says confidence like a glass of chocolate milk
Lorraine has zero cares about Doc being in the room while flirting with Marty. Good for her. Ask for what you want, girl!
What is teenage George’s haircut? Part combover, part lower bowl fade, part buzzed, part something else – I’m so confused
Where is Marty getting his 1955 wardrobe from?
The police officer should be more concerned about what Doc is doing with his “weather experiment”
Won’t people from 1955 recognize Marty in 1985? Namely, his mother, father, and Biff?
The drama in George’s fight scene is too much to handle. Music, slow motion, evil laughter, a helpless woman, I mean, wow! And we get it again at the dance, my goodness
If Marty was really that good of a guitar player, he would have a record deal in 1985
Marty brings up a very specific, and clearly traumatizing, childhood memory to ask forgiveness for. 8 year old accidentally setting fire to the living room rug? Yes, bud, you should have been in trouble for that
Are we just going to breeze over the fact that Doc supposedly had a permit for the car and the weather experiment cables? We never saw proof
Great Scott! Absolutely iconic
I’ve found that when you’re on a very strict time deadline, it’s not a good time to get in an argument with someone
Will Doc connect the cable? Will Marty get the car started? Will it all work? My stress levels are low, but lots of good questions being asked here in the final scene
Is the takeaway that DeLorean’s are unreliable machines? Or that you shouldn’t mess with the past?
The cable can’t stand up to some wind but it can hold a ziplining Doc?
Why does Marty keep stopping the car when he knows it won’t start up again? Has he learned nothing in almost 2 hours?
Let’s think about sound. Specifically the sound the DeLorean makes as it disappears. So, no one in the neighborhood heard that and got concerned?
A Match Made in Space – instance #3 of great slogan placement
Poor Marty just can’t catch a break when he wants to kiss Jen
So Doc went to 2015 and got a flying car. We’re living in 2021 and I have yet to see a flying car
Did anyone else have date options that included going to the lake or traveling to the future in high school? Or did I just miss out?

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I JUST WATCHED CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES TWO AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

THIS IS A SPOILER POST! If you haven’t seen Christmas Chronicles Two, and were planning on it, I would not recommend going through these observations.

Netflix recently dropped the sequel to everyone’s favorite Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn Claus family portrayal. And who doesn’t need more of Kurt and Goldie in their life? I mean really, they’re adorable! Anyways, like with all holiday movies, some things don’t fully add up to … well … reality. Here are all of my holly jolly hiccup moments with this movie:

In any movie with elves, there’s always an angry elf. At least one and this one happens to have the name Belsnickle … what is a Belsnickle?
Belsnickle plots his revenge in a dark cave. AKA, the South Pole living conditions
Interesting choice in location for the mere humans starring in the movie. Cancun: where the drinks are plenty and the memories are few
Kate is what, 12? And all her friends are throwing parties? Pause – where are their parents
Bob is just casually a great singer, ok sure aren’t we all?
For a teenager who clearly is worried about missing social events, standing on a beach talking out loud to Santa isn’t necessarily the way to up your popularity
10 minutes into the movie and I can call the ending – Kate’s heart gets changed, she ends up loving Bob and they all have a very merry Christmas together
No child willingly admits to being a brat and can call an airline to change their flight. They would still be having a meltdown. This scene is fake news
So, let me get this straight, the parents willingly leave their kids alone at a resort in Mexico on Christmas and assume the teenage brother will “watch” them. Smart
Kate just trusts a random resort “worker” who says he can get to the airport in half the time with zero questions? She deserves to be kidnapped
Two pre-teens, who are dressed for a vacation in Mexico, end up at the North Pole and aren’t shivering? They’ll die before they find Santa – that’s very un-jolly
Is one of Santa’s superpowers supersonic hearing? Since when? How did he hear Kate and Jack’s cries for help?
In his free time, does Santa just hunt leopards in the tundra portion of the North Pole? Adds up to none of the stories
Let’s talk about basic physics where a sleigh traveling super fast would not stop within 10 feet of entering a barn
I’ve never been able to make any sort of warm drink in 5 seconds and yet here we are in th reindeer barn with a custom tea / herbal / medicinal / whatever ready immediately
Why are all the elves a cartoon mouse / rabbit hybrid looking thing? What is this based on? Furbies?
These kids supposedly wake up in the North Pole and don’t think they’ve maybe been roofied? Because my first thought would not be to hug the strange man who looks like Santa
Why are there cannons in Santa’s Village? Why? To get snow in? That’s a stretch
Nice diss on all the major shipping companies. Combine all their production, quadruple it, and it might be close to what Santa’s Village does in a day? Mmkay
Santa codes video games now? What copyright laws does that violate? All of them probably
If you had an employee who was eating the inventory, would you keep him on the candy cane production line? With all that temptation? No
Dinner is all desserts? That’s not the way to live 1700 years. Also, painting a cake green and calling it broccoli doesn’t make it broccoli
Even in the north pole Kate is being a bit of a brat – she better end up on the naughty list
Has no one else noticed there’s another human in the village? Or that head elf Mina is missing? Strong observation skills these elves
So Santa Claus and his forest elves travelled from Turkey to the North Pole? Seems doable
A little bit of the Hulk action going on with Belsnickle’s transformation into a human
Was there no security on the star? You know, the thing that protects ALL of Santa’s Village? Again, smart
Blue powder makes the elves bad? Similar to the Despicable Me 3 movie a bit? I think so
You ever break something super important? Like the Star of Bethlehem maybe? Whoops
Maybe the North Pole has different snow, but when I slow roll a ball it doesn’t pick up speed and get bigger
Why did the elves even own chainsaws? How did that come up? They’re magical. In what scenario would they need a chainsaw?
Apparently Santa also visited the Matrix at some point – dodging all those arrows like an f boy dodges the word relationship
If someone sends you on a quest, a time-bound quest mind you, would you casually stroll along the path to find the end? I would hope you would put some pep in your step
Why is Hocken thanking Santa? Santa has done nothing except hold the star while a “dangerous” beam lit it up
Belsnickle’s “reindeer” look like the hyenas from the Lion King
Please just leave your sleigh and reindeer on the tarmac of a major international airport. They’ll be fine, I’m sure
Just when you think it can’t get any better, surprise! It’s also a musical, because why not?
There happens to just be a stage and a choir and a band at Boston Logan all at the same time?
Another huge twist, there’s a Back to the Future reference! And Kate meets her dad when he’s a teen – what other movies are we going to pull from?
Two teens are able to break out of airport jail? Meanwhile, there’s a Christmas concert happening in the terminal? I can’t keep up
And just like that, the song ends and all flights are now on time … makes perfect sense
One way to make someone need therapy is to call them dad when you’re the same age while crying and hugging them like they’re dying
Are there a million elves in the village, or thousands? A bit inconsistent on our estimates here
Is the solution to shoot the elves one at a time with a Nerf gun? How … how is that going to work? At all? There’s an unknown number of them
Exploding gingerbread cookies, though – incredible invention!
Mrs. Claus has the hairstyle of a who, so there’s our Grinch reference
We need to talk about Nerf gun range, too, apparently, since it’s not however far Jack shot it at the drone
I think that Belsnickle really just needs a friend, or a therapist
How old do you have to be to get a sleigh license? Santa is 1700 and Jack is what? 11? That’s a wide gap and yet both get to “drive”
Forgetting someone from time to time is as it should be? Where? With who? Why? What?
I’m scared to jump off, but I’ll get over that by backflipping off a highly elevated flying surface
Who has a caroling party in front of the ocean with no spectators? Who are they singing to?
Why is Belsnickle the only fat elf?
As a surprise to no one, it ends happily ever after with everyone singing a christmas song from the dinosaur age

Takeaway: if you have young children they’ll probably think it’s cute. If you have kids over the age of say, 7, this might out-age them. Interesting story line, but the first one was way better. A good background Christmas movie while decorating – not a must-see however.

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Tag: Movie Critic