I JUST REWATCHED LADY AND THE TRAMP AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

We all know everyone’s favorite spaghetti memory involves two dogs in love. Right? If you’ve never wanted to share the iconic meal on a date night to casually go in for a quick smooch, do you even have a soul? Anyways, I decided to rewatch the best dog love story created by Disney, to remind myself how great a dog’s love is, and have so many questions and furry observations:

  • The intro basically tells the entire plot through storyboard type drawings so why even watch the movie?
  • The fact that it’s dedicated specifically to dogs brings me more joy than it should
  • Remember mid-1950s animation? What a treat! But, also, thank goodness we’ve evolved technology wise
  • Lady’s Christmas present box has no air holes – she should be dead from the very start
  • Does Jim Dear actually think putting down a piece of newspaper is all it takes to house train a dog? And that it will ‘go right to sleep’? Were dogs not pets pre-1955 or is he just naive?
  • Let’s talk about all the dogs that can successfully only sleep on the bed for one night and then be fine sleeping somewhere else. And … we’re done. That’s not a real thing
  • Why would you give the dog coffee?! Are we to assume that it’s decaf? Because caffeine is poisonous for them
  • If anyone has ever owned a dog, you know that their dreams are the cutest thing in the world
  • What do we think they mean by getting the dog a license? Pretty sure you can buy a tag at anytime not just at the 6 month mark
  • How did the Tramp get in so good with all the restaurant owners? How do I also get them to know my name and give me free food?
  • Jim Dear and Darling are having a child, but they can’t still love their dog? Or even take care of it? Someone’s priorities are off
  • Why is Trusty going through the birds and the bees talk? Surely dogs don’t have sex ed
  • How does Jock know that babies are expensive?
  • Jim Dear is decorating a baby room for a boy while Darling is writing down baby names for a girl. They are not on the same page
  • Their baby shower feels more like a formal dinner party. Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part one
  • Why are Lady’s inner thoughts presented as a song? Am I the weirdo whose thoughts are spoken?
  • They had a boy, but the baby blanket is pink. For what reason? The 1950s were not that progressive
  • Aunt Sarah is a monster. Not appreciating Lady in the slightest
  • Ah, well that’s because she’s a crazy cat lady. Problem solved
  • The siamese cat song will haunt my dreams
  • How many animals do the Dear’s have? I’ve seen Lady, a bird, and a fish
  • Who does Aunt Sarah think she is? Buying a muzzle for a dog that isn’t her own? But also, how do Jim Dear and Darling not know how much she hates dogs and just send Lady to the kennel? Like responsible owners
  • Since when can dogs read?
  • If Tony loves the Tramp so much, why not adopt him?
  • How many customers are waiting for food while Tony uses his attention to give the dogs a full fledged date night?
  • Ah, the iconic spaghetti noodle scene is still beautiful
  • And shocker, by the time we get to Lady and the Tramp on the hill staring at the moon, we have seen all the important scenes from the storyboard intro appear in animated form
  • Are we supposed to infer that their relationship was sealed, so to speak?
  • What is Pidge? And how did Lady get that nickname?
  • The depiction of the dog pound is traumatizing. The Humane Society would have a field day with those conditions
  • How is Lady supposed to emotionally trust the Tramp after hearing Peg’s beautiful rendition of his lifestyle?
  • What kind of a love story is this? The Tramp is a pimp and Lady is just his current interest
  • Who keeps the windows open in a rainstorm? For starters, that’s how rain gets in. Apparently, that’s also how rats get in
  • Trusty magically recovers from losing his smell … we’re supposed to believe that? Or he was a liar in the beginning. We may never know
  • So Lady and the Tramp had time to have a litter of puppies, but Trusty is still in a cast?
  • Why don’t the puppies look more like a blend of Lady and the Tramp? Going to give the 1950s benefit of the doubt here – part two

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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NETFLIX IS BAE, HULU IS THE MISTRESS, AND AMAZON PRIME IS THE ONE NIGHT STAND

There’s no better time than right now to go on a binge. A television binge, that is. Because what else are you doing? Working? Please. Working out? Let’s stop lying. Eating? Maybe, but eating is to bingeing as peanut butter is to jelly. The perfect complement. So there’s no good excuse not to find the remote, turn on the big black box, and be transported into a magical new world of your choosing. In other words, streaming services are the real life version of Narnia. Mythical creatures included if that’s your cup of tea. Villains a plenty if you prefer to live a stressful and dramatic adventure. And characters who make questionable decisions regardless of what selection you make.

Where were we? My mind can’t move past the image of Mr. Tumnus and his curious mashup of human and goat. Real quick, why a goat? Why not stick with the classic centaur? If I had the choice between the speed, grace, and majesty of a horse or the stubby, awkward, bleating of a goat then my choice is very clear. Not that I have anything against goats! Goat yoga is my jam and baby goats falling over are the cutest GIFs on the planet. But … I want to run. I want my leg muscles to absolutely shimmer when I move. I want my mane to flow behind me like an ancient goddess. I want to be the horse, if that was unclear.

Now that we all know where I stand on the clearly controversial horse or goat topic, we can return to the main programming. Streaming service options. Not all streaming services are the same. Mainly since not all of them have the same selection of offerings, for one. There’s also the obvious price differences, ads versus no ads, color scheme, app performance, etc. Those are boring though and any Google search will result in hundreds of comparison articles. This is not one of those articles. I’m comparing nothing. I’m very biased and am choosing one over the others. Because it is my favorite. And this is my blog.

In case you weren’t able to pick up on it from the title, I’m a Netflix kid through and through. I like that they were first. I like that they’re color scheme is dangerous, yet intriguing. I like that they’re basically their own TV network at this point. I like that they have no ads. I like that the stand up comedy selection is better than the Gotham Comedy Club. I like that they give me the most absurd and ridiculous categories for things. I like that their suggestions are sometimes just the top 10 things streaming because that means marketing is getting their voice heard in company meetings. But most of all, I like that every single remote for a smart TV has a Netflix specific button so that my life of bingeing can be achieved easily.

This is not to say that the other companies just suck. It’s 2021, that would be a lie. We live in the golden age of technology – the competition is doing just fine. They’re just all pretty clearly in second. Well, Hulu is in second anyways. I like cheating on Netflix from time to time because as great as Netflix is, it’s timeline for getting the hot new releases of TV series and movies is sometimes slower than waiting in line at the DMV. This is where Hulu shines! They’re speedy. They’re quick. They’ve got a fresh green color scheme that calms me. All of their categories make sense. And yet, once I finish what I was watching on Hulu I’m usually like cool. I’m done and can return home. To the land of zero commercials, ever. Regardless of my subscription level. $5 per month so I don’t have to watch ads?! Wow that’s almost a pint every month and is simply not worth it.

And then there was Amazon Prime who is … trying. If you are made of money, and would like to rent absolutely everything, then this is the service for you. If you aren’t on the ‘Included with Prime’ section, though, there is a zero percent chance that what you’ve chosen will be free. This service is really only good for the other s, shipping. 

Since there is a newcomer on the scene, I’d rank Disney Plus somewhere between Netflix and Hulu. It does come with a pretty great NSFW slang slogan so I guess there’s that. It also features pretty much everything Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars, and National Geographic. So there’s also that. And as an adult, there are times when I want nothing more than a feel-good Disney show or movie. Sometimes. Other times I want something rated above PG-13 and that’s where I once again land back in my trusted lover’s arms.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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I JUST REWATCHED BACK TO THE FUTURE AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

Marty McFly – the name synonymous with zero shame, bad decisions, and questionable friendships. Dr. Emmett Brown – the name synonymous with crazy, but genius. What an interesting character combo. If my only friend was the town “scientist” who was much older than me, my parents wouldn’t have been so nonchalant about it. Anyways, I decided to rewatch the start of all our current reality let downs and I have so many questions and observations:

  • Is the beginning a scene from Back to the Future or part of Captain Hook’s nightmare. Clocks everywhere, but there is a nice foreshadowing clock with the man hanging off the arm
  • In 1955, Doc’s mantle featured pictures of 4 famous inventors, but his modern 1985 abode only retains Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Albert Einstein … why?
  • Does it bother no one else that the coffee pot is missing? The water would have spilled all over the floor
  • I like my smores marshmallows burnt, but not as burnt as the toast Doc supposedly eats for breakfast
  • It’s nice to see Doc is following top notch safety measures with a key hidden under the doormat
  • Where’s the one place people usually look for missing things? Under the bed. And yet, that’s where the plutonium is being stored
  • Where was the giant amp hidden? And how can Marty still hear anything after getting destroyed by a wave of sound? Don’t get me started on the damage to Doc’s place
  • Doc’s warehouse is casually “hidden” by the Burger King. This is accurate. Had it been a Wendy’s, this would have been a poor location choice
  • Pretty sure you can’t ride a skateboard behind a car. Just need to throw that out there
  • The encouragement from the school principal is … lacking. Also, slacker isn’t really an insult, I’m not sure it ever was
  • Only in high school would the excuse ‘you’re too darn loud’ be used to kick a band off stage
  • You’re telling me that Jennifer casually chose the bench with a Zales Jewelers advertisement on it to tie her shoe in front of Marty? She’s here for the long game
  • Was the crazy street lady really concerned with saving the clock tower or stopping public PDA?
  • How far away does Marty live from the town that he needs multiple different illegal car hitches to get there and arrives at dusk? In 1955 it said 2 miles. And he had a skateboard so what are we looking at – a 30 min trip? Max?
  • What does Marty do with his guitar during the day? Does it go in a music room? A locker? Doc’s place? He doesn’t have it at home, that’s for sure
  • Biff is just lovely in the original, non-tampered with 1985. ‘Who’s going to pay for this beer spill?’ So he’s admitting to drinking and driving? Which was also illegal in 1985
  • If Ralphie, from The Christmas Story, grew up, he would be George McFly
  • What is the fashion sense in the McFly household? Dave is in wannabe golfer outfits, Linda is dressing like a country club housewife, and Marty is sporting suspenders and all denim
  • I’m pretty sure Marty’s sleeping position is now a yoga pose
  • A parked van with smoke coming out of it in the middle of the night raises zero questions
  • OUTATIME – what a vanity plate! Instance #1 of great slogan placement
  • How can Doc see anything with smoke filling the DeLorean?
  • Poor Einstein. He’s like the space monkeys of time travel
  • Wouldn’t you want to get out of the path of the car coming back into the present at a casual 88MPH so it doesn’t hit you?
  • How did Doc and Marty meet, get acquainted, become friends, and decide to trust each other?
  • The date examples of important moments in history are broad: the signing of the declaration of Independence, the birth of Christ, and of course, November 5, 1955
  • Did anyone else notice that Doc was wearing a Hawaiian shirt underneath a jumpsuit with a radiation symbol on the back? Is Hawaii toxic? What is the purpose of this outfit?
  • I’m not an expert on stealing things, but I would bet that admitting you stole something on camera is a good way to get caught
  • Clearly plutonium must be handled with care, but Doc treats the yellow box full of samples a bit rough. Using his foot to open it, throwing things on it, etc. I’m concerned for his longevity
  • Who are the terrorists? Where did they come from? Why are they after Doc? What is this scene?
  • The terrorists have chosen a VW van as their assasination vehicle. Why? I have to believe you would want something with better handling and overall speed
  • Why a rocket launcher? That feels a bit extreme for the situation. Which is unclear
  • Marty has to know he has something on his head when exiting the DeLorean, right? He had to feel that
  • Also, Marty drives away in the middle of the night, says one sentence, and is all of a sudden in the middle of the day a short distance from where he started
  • Miller was clearly the beer sponsor. OG 1985 McFly’s had Miller Lite, but Hill Valley is sporting the Miller High Life truck since obviously, the Hill is higher
  • Why does Marty walk through the town square backwards? That’s a good way to run into people
  • Hill Valley town slogan: Please Drive Carefully! I’m dead – instance #2 of great slogan placement
  • Glad to see that Biff picked up zero new insults in 30 years
  • Imagine if you woke up and your mom, in her younger years, was hitting on you. No amount of therapy could fix that
  • Poor Joey – behind bars the whole movie. At least he seemed to enjoy it at 2
  • A nice foggy night is an ideal setting to be hunting for the hidden time travel in the middle of nowhere
  • Did Marty always show up and get Doc on the time travel path? Or, was Doc just smart and actually invented the flux capacitor?
  • How can a picture disappear? It’s a movie on time travel, not magic. The photo was already printed. Fake news
  • Best introspective question from Doc: why are things so heavy in the future? Where do I even start with 2020
  • Make like a tree and get out of here’ – so, so close Biff. Just like with Lorraine
  • George’s favorite TV show was Science Fiction Theater? Really?! What is that?
  • Lou, give me a milk. Chocolate’ since nothing says confidence like a glass of chocolate milk
  • Lorraine has zero cares about Doc being in the room while flirting with Marty. Good for her. Ask for what you want, girl!
  • What is teenage George’s haircut? Part combover, part lower bowl fade, part buzzed, part something else – I’m so confused
  • Where is Marty getting his 1955 wardrobe from? 
  • The police officer should be more concerned about what Doc is doing with his “weather experiment”
  • Won’t people from 1955 recognize Marty in 1985? Namely, his mother, father, and Biff?
  • The drama in George’s fight scene is too much to handle. Music, slow motion, evil laughter, a helpless woman, I mean, wow! And we get it again at the dance, my goodness
  • If Marty was really that good of a guitar player, he would have a record deal in 1985
  • Marty brings up a very specific, and clearly traumatizing, childhood memory to ask forgiveness for. 8 year old accidentally setting fire to the living room rug? Yes, bud, you should have been in trouble for that
  • Are we just going to breeze over the fact that Doc supposedly had a permit for the car and the weather experiment cables? We never saw proof
  • Great Scott! Absolutely iconic
  • I’ve found that when you’re on a very strict time deadline, it’s not a good time to get in an argument with someone
  • Will Doc connect the cable? Will Marty get the car started? Will it all work? My stress levels are low, but lots of good questions being asked here in the final scene
  • Is the takeaway that DeLorean’s are unreliable machines? Or that you shouldn’t mess with the past?
  • The cable can’t stand up to some wind but it can hold a ziplining Doc?
  • Why does Marty keep stopping the car when he knows it won’t start up again? Has he learned nothing in almost 2 hours?
  • Let’s think about sound. Specifically the sound the DeLorean makes as it disappears. So, no one in the neighborhood heard that and got concerned?
  • A Match Made in Space – instance #3 of great slogan placement
  • Poor Marty just can’t catch a break when he wants to kiss Jen
  • So Doc went to 2015 and got a flying car. We’re living in 2021 and I have yet to see a flying car
  • Did anyone else have date options that included going to the lake or traveling to the future in high school? Or did I just miss out?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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HOW PREDICTABLE ARE HALLMARK MOVIE PLOTS?

Have you ever watched a Hallmark Channel movie? I won’t make you raise your hand since that’s something we still aren’t openly admitting to in society. It’s a fun little secret between you, your TV, and your cable provider. Similar to those who watch Lifetime and QVC. Or when we buy a pint of ice cream and tell ourselves it will be at least two servings when we know good and well it will be gone tonight. We’ve all done it, just maybe not publicly. 

If you’ve never seen a Hallmark Channel movie, you’re missing out on a whole amazing genre. The predictable dramance category. It’s truly an experience. An experience that can happen once and then you can use your knowledge to make highly educated guesses on all future endeavors into the category. In other words, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. And everyone has seen a Hallmark movie. Or a Hallmark movie commercial. Or been friends with a basic who mentions watching a Hallmark holiday movie. One and the same really.

So it’s been established that everyone has seen, heard of, or had a general knowledge of the existence of the Hallmark Channel movies. Now, I love a good Hallmark holiday movie. They always have happy endings and what better time than the holidays to lie to ourselves about the only possible outcome for life – happiness. Also, their winter themes are on point. Kudos to the set team who always brings the magic of the holidays to the screen. Winter wonderlands, white Christmases, perfectly decorated Hannukahs, holiday lights, adorable children, courteous and caring adults, zero family drama, perfectly cooked meals, the protagonist working in their dream job making no money but living in a beautiful historic home with endless hours off work, a gorgeous, on the inside and out, character that they will fall in love with. Everything is so believable and realistic. 

Just in case you are not aware of the Hallmark movie experience, let me give you a quick run down. This plot can be taken and applied to every single movie shown on that channel. I’m guessing the writers cut corners and simply have a plot template where character names and backstories can be written in to create a “new”, “fresh”, and “unique” movie. Clearly they never worked part-time at Wendy’s or they would know not to cut corners. Square burgers are simply better. More surface area. More burger. Less bun. Does life get better? Yes! With sea salt seasoned fries. Ugh, fast food burger / fry combo perfection. I’ve made myself hungry and lost the direction of this post. My apologies.

Anyways, let’s break down the plot template. Protagonist has either just moved to town, or is a native. They either are working their dream job, or are struggling in their peasant job while constantly day-dreaming and others about their dreams constantly. They are single. They are looking for love. They are gorgeous. They are either in the holiday spirit, or have been traumatized by love around the holidays and now hate this season. They are always wealthy, despite the same job in real life barely meeting the poverty line. Supporting characters may be family, friends, older town residents (potentially former babysitters?), children, pets, or strangers. Antagonist is always the direct opposite of the protagonist. Have either just moved to town, or is a native. They either are working their dream job, or are struggling in their peasant job while constantly day-dreaming and telling others about their dreams constantly. They are single. They are looking for love. They are gorgeous. They are either in the holiday spirit, or have been traumatized by love around the holidays and now hate the season. They are always wealthy, despite the same job in real life barely meeting the poverty line. Supporting characters may be family, friends, older town residents (potentially former babysitters?), children, pets, or strangers. The set is always in a cute little holiday town where everyone goes all out and is just tickled for it to be winter. It always ends happily ever after for all characters involved.

There you have it! And despite the same story getting told over and over by simply changing character, and town, names we can’t get enough. It’s not the holidays in our house if you don’t watch at least one corny Hallmark movie. Because deep down we like that they all end in happily ever after. Especially during the holidays. There are no problems during the holidays. If there are, you aren’t drinking enough eggnog – know what I mean? Too much amazing food and drinks to not be able to put yourself in a good mood. It’s the best time of year after all! Put a smile on! Even if it’s fake.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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I JUST WATCHED CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES TWO AND I HAVE QUESTIONS

THIS IS A SPOILER POST! If you haven’t seen Christmas Chronicles Two, and were planning on it, I would not recommend going through these observations. 

Netflix recently dropped the sequel to everyone’s favorite Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn Claus family portrayal. And who doesn’t need more of Kurt and Goldie in their life? I mean really, they’re adorable! Anyways, like with all holiday movies, some things don’t fully add up to … well … reality. Here are all of my holly jolly hiccup moments with this movie:

  • In any movie with elves, there’s always an angry elf. At least one and this one happens to have the name Belsnickle … what is a Belsnickle?
  • Belsnickle plots his revenge in a dark cave. AKA, the South Pole living conditions
  • Interesting choice in location for the mere humans starring in the movie. Cancun: where the drinks are plenty and the memories are few
  • Kate is what, 12? And all her friends are throwing parties? Pause – where are their parents
  • Bob is just casually a great singer, ok sure aren’t we all?
  • For a teenager who clearly is worried about missing social events, standing on a beach talking out loud to Santa isn’t necessarily the way to up your popularity
  • 10 minutes into the movie and I can call the ending – Kate’s heart gets changed, she ends up loving Bob and they all have a very merry Christmas together
  • No child willingly admits to being a brat and can call an airline to change their flight. They would still be having a meltdown. This scene is fake news
  • So, let me get this straight, the parents willingly leave their kids alone at a resort in Mexico on Christmas and assume the teenage brother will “watch” them. Smart
  • Kate just trusts a random resort “worker” who says he can get to the airport in half the time with zero questions? She deserves to be kidnapped
  • Two pre-teens, who are dressed for a vacation in Mexico, end up at the North Pole and aren’t shivering? They’ll die before they find Santa – that’s very un-jolly
  • Is one of Santa’s superpowers supersonic hearing? Since when? How did he hear Kate and Jack’s cries for help?
  • In his free time, does Santa just hunt leopards in the tundra portion of the North Pole? Adds up to none of the stories
  • Let’s talk about basic physics where a sleigh traveling super fast would not stop within 10 feet of entering a barn
  • I’ve never been able to make any sort of warm drink in 5 seconds and yet here we are in th reindeer barn with a custom tea / herbal / medicinal / whatever ready immediately
  • Why are all the elves a cartoon mouse / rabbit hybrid looking thing? What is this based on? Furbies?
  • These kids supposedly wake up in the North Pole and don’t think they’ve maybe been roofied? Because my first thought would not be to hug the strange man who looks like Santa
  • Why are there cannons in Santa’s Village? Why? To get snow in? That’s a stretch
  • Nice diss on all the major shipping companies. Combine all their production, quadruple it, and it might be close to what Santa’s Village does in a day? Mmkay
  • Santa codes video games now? What copyright laws does that violate? All of them probably
  • If you had an employee who was eating the inventory, would you keep him on the candy cane production line? With all that temptation? No
  • Dinner is all desserts? That’s not the way to live 1700 years. Also, painting a cake green and calling it broccoli doesn’t make it broccoli
  • Even in the north pole Kate is being a bit of a brat – she better end up on the naughty list
  • Has no one else noticed there’s another human in the village? Or that head elf Mina is missing? Strong observation skills these elves
  • So Santa Claus and his forest elves travelled from Turkey to the North Pole? Seems doable
  • A little bit of the Hulk action going on with Belsnickle’s transformation into a human
  • Was there no security on the star? You know, the thing that protects ALL of Santa’s Village? Again, smart
  • Blue powder makes the elves bad? Similar to the Despicable Me 3 movie a bit? I think so
  • You ever break something super important? Like the Star of Bethlehem maybe? Whoops
  • Maybe the North Pole has different snow, but when I slow roll a ball it doesn’t pick up speed and get bigger
  • Why did the elves even own chainsaws? How did that come up? They’re magical. In what scenario would they need a chainsaw?
  • Apparently Santa also visited the Matrix at some point – dodging all those arrows like an f boy dodges the word relationship
  • If someone sends you on a quest, a time-bound quest mind you, would you casually stroll along the path to find the end? I would hope you would put some pep in your step
  • Why is Hocken thanking Santa? Santa has done nothing except hold the star while a “dangerous” beam lit it up
  • Belsnickle’s “reindeer” look like the hyenas from the Lion King
  • Please just leave your sleigh and reindeer on the tarmac of a major international airport. They’ll be fine, I’m sure
  • Just when you think it can’t get any better, surprise! It’s also a musical, because why not?
  • There happens to just be a stage and a choir and a band at Boston Logan all at the same time?
  • Another huge twist, there’s a Back to the Future reference! And Kate meets her dad when he’s a teen – what other movies are we going to pull from?
  • Two teens are able to break out of airport jail? Meanwhile, there’s a Christmas concert happening in the terminal? I can’t keep up
  • And just like that, the song ends and all flights are now on time … makes perfect sense
  • One way to make someone need therapy is to call them dad when you’re the same age while crying and hugging them like they’re dying
  • Are there a million elves in the village, or thousands? A bit inconsistent on our estimates here
  • Is the solution to shoot the elves one at a time with a Nerf gun? How … how is that going to work? At all? There’s an unknown number of them
  • Exploding gingerbread cookies, though – incredible invention!
  • Mrs. Claus has the hairstyle of a who, so there’s our Grinch reference
  • We need to talk about Nerf gun range, too, apparently, since it’s not however far Jack shot it at the drone
  • I think that Belsnickle really just needs a friend, or a therapist
  • How old do you have to be to get a sleigh license? Santa is 1700 and Jack is what? 11? That’s a wide gap and yet both get to “drive”
  • Forgetting someone from time to time is as it should be? Where? With who? Why? What?
  • I’m scared to jump off, but I’ll get over that by backflipping off a highly elevated flying surface
  • Who has a caroling party in front of the ocean with no spectators? Who are they singing to?
  • Why is Belsnickle the only fat elf?
  • As a surprise to no one, it ends happily ever after with everyone singing a christmas song from the dinosaur age

Takeaway: if you have young children they’ll probably think it’s cute. If you have kids over the age of say, 7, this might out-age them. Interesting story line, but the first one was way better. A good background Christmas movie while decorating – not a must-see however.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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#SURVIVETHENIGHT … MORE LIKE #SURVIVETHEYEAR

Anyone else feel like this year has been a lot like drinking spoiled milk? Straight sour. Of all years that could be flushed down the toilet, I would not have guessed one that seems so appealing number wise. 2007? Sure, sounds questionable. 2013? Yep, unlucky number thirteen is a definite swerve. But 2020? So even. So round. So doubly delicious to write. And yet, this has been the year from hell. One thing after another with only a faint light at the end of the tunnel.

It started pretty normal, all things considered. At least for like a week anyways. Granted, mine took an early dive bomb with a concussion. Without going into details, I’m now a big supporter of helmets in all activities – winter or otherwise. I also think that ski resorts should not legally be allowed to charge extra for a helmet. If you’re renting equipment, just make it part of the cost, I won’t even notice. Make it extra, though, and all of a sudden I’m invincible and filled with the liquid courage of a college student on Spring Break. It was definitely a personal problem, I will admit. Nonetheless, that was about the extent of a TRP only related issue.

We all know what happened over the next few months. To summarize in a word: death. That’s never really how you want to look back and remember a period of life. Everyone has dealt with the events on differing levels and I’m not going to dive into that. Recently it feels like our reality has turned into something borderline Purge level. If you’ve never seen that movie franchise, you’re not missing anything except stress, fear, and a high level of untrust towards people everywhere. The basis is that there is a 24 hour period where no laws apply and people can live their wildest fantasies. Sounds pretty nice … in theory anyways. I, for one, would get a yacht and cruise along the French Riviera with bottomless bellinis and shrimp cocktails. Much to my disappointment, however, this is not the same image the movie characters have in mind.

If you were given a full day to do anything you wanted, would your first thought be murder, rape, or theft? I would hope not! Do people really lay awake at night dreaming of taking someone’s life? I literally cannot even process that thought. Yet, we have a giant cast of characters, in multiple iterations of the movie, that want nothing more than to terrorize and spread hate. They all happen to have those disturbing masks (you know, the clear doll ones with colorful outlines on the eyes, noise, and mouth). They go out looting stores and houses and generally destroying things just because they can. They want to hurt people because they think it’s entertaining, I guess.

Now, I have a lot of questions about #SurvivingTheNight that I want to put in your head so that you too can spend your days wondering about fictional things. Prepare yourselves, here they come:

  • If you knew the Purge was coming, because it is announced in advance, why would you not go somewhere far, far away to stay safe? Like, I don’t know, the middle of upper Canada or rent a sailboat and anchor down somewhere long from any shoreline?
  • Does everyone just have creepy doll masks in their houses or just demons? Is that the warning sign for your gut instinct that maybe you won’t get along with this person? 
  • How does the doll mask industry prep for the high demand? Do they even know it’s coming? Do the employees willing mass produce these knowing they will be part of acts that are literally unlawful, thus the point of the Purge?
  • Why doesn’t anyone do normal things like steal all of the Chewy Chips-Ahoy and illegally stream Disney Plus off a neighbor’s account?
  • What happens when you recognize someone and you both survive? How do you not judge that person forever for what they consider to be a deep dark fantasy?
  • Who is in charge of stopping the Purge and how is that enforced? Like do law enforcement officers suddenly appear from the graveyard and start arresting people?
  • Why don’t the Purge offenders target law enforcement? Then their beautiful, twisted, world could go on forever with no one to stop it?
  • After knowing about these movies, and about other events in the world today, why on Earth do you not / are in the process of getting an underground bomb shelter?!

Those were all of my questions just from the trailer, so if I actually watched the full film I’m sure we could 100x that list. But, alas, scary movies are not my jam so I stick hard and fast to my rule that if the commercial freaks me out I will in no way be watching the movie. Scary commercials really should come with warnings before hand – it still confuses me that those can be shown to anyone but as soon as someone says sh*t the bleepers earn their pay. You can read my whole post on that nonsense HERE.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this and want to share it with them, that would seriously mean a lot to me. I’m so grateful to all the current readers and subscribers. If you want to get these in your inbox twice weekly don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks for reading!


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WARNING! SCARY COMMERCIAL COMING

It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of HALLOWEEN – more specifically, I’m not the biggest fan of frightening things. I don’t like to be scared…it’s not my idea of a good time. People who like to be scared confuse me. There are plenty of other ways to have a mini heart attack and induce nightmares for weeks that don’t involve creatures from the deepest, darkest, depths of hell.

I mean, really, where do people even come up with some of these ideas?! Kind of seems like they take something that’s supposed to be calming and happy and they turn it into a devil that terrorizes innocent people because why? Because they can? Where do these people even come from?! What happened in their childhood to make it so that their joy is derived from the terror of others? I honestly don’t even understand how one gets to that state mentally.

My list of questions about who is creating this content, why they think it’s acceptable, the people who pay money to partake in this, etc. are endless. Regardless of my feelings on the matter though, scary movies are wildly popular. All year long. Even during seasons that are supposed to be purely delightful, pleasant, and merry. I won’t even get started on the Christmas horror movies that have appeared recently. No, just no – those need to die.

So we have these scary movies out there, and, for some reason, it was decided that airing commercials for these movies on public television was completely fine. This would be alright if they didn’t show any of the scary parts. Let’s all agree that you can tell it’s going to be a scary movie by the state of the family’s house. Or by the emphasis on one of the children – usually looking like they aren’t fully there mentally. Or by the creepy music in the background. Or by just general human intuition that lets you know something isn’t quite right with what you’re watching.

Why, then, must we show the demon, or the zombie, or the clown, or whatever the freaking antagonist is?! And why is it always as a jump scare?! Can we not casually just fade in their picture with the movie title?! Scary movie lovers will know what the deal is and all normal people of the world won’t have to go find a change of pants.

From a marketing perspective, I get it, I really do. You want to show the people a preview to get them hooked into watching the whole thing. Alright fine, you can keep the scary part of the commercial in there. But please, for my sake, if no one else’s, put some sort of warning up on the screen before you play it! Then I can look away, or go find a snack, or water my succulent, or return the voicemail someone left for me last month, or ANYTHING besides watching what is assaulting my television.

The irony is not lost on me that anyone, including those under 17, can watch said commercials. Yet if that movie minor wanted to go pay to watch it in a theater they could not. Another reason to take the scariness, or the R ratedness out of the previews? I think so! Don’t agree? I take it you’re one of those disturbed humans who enjoys that ridiculous then?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who gets scared easily (like mwah) then pass this along so they can know that other scary commercial survivors exist and we have safe havens waiting – The Food Network and HGTV. Thanks for reading!


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