#SURVIVETHENIGHT … MORE LIKE #SURVIVETHEYEAR

Anyone else feel like this year has been a lot like drinking spoiled milk? Straight sour. Of all years that could be flushed down the toilet, I would not have guessed one that seems so appealing number wise. 2007? Sure, sounds questionable. 2013? Yep, unlucky number thirteen is a definite swerve. But 2020? So even. So round. So doubly delicious to write. And yet, this has been the year from hell. One thing after another with only a faint light at the end of the tunnel.

It started pretty normal, all things considered. At least for like a week anyways. Granted, mine took an early dive bomb with a concussion. Without going into details, I’m now a big supporter of helmets in all activities – winter or otherwise. I also think that ski resorts should not legally be allowed to charge extra for a helmet. If you’re renting equipment, just make it part of the cost, I won’t even notice. Make it extra, though, and all of a sudden I’m invincible and filled with the liquid courage of a college student on Spring Break. It was definitely a personal problem, I will admit. Nonetheless, that was about the extent of a TRP only related issue.

We all know what happened over the next few months. To summarize in a word: death. That’s never really how you want to look back and remember a period of life. Everyone has dealt with the events on differing levels and I’m not going to dive into that. Recently it feels like our reality has turned into something borderline Purge level. If you’ve never seen that movie franchise, you’re not missing anything except stress, fear, and a high level of untrust towards people everywhere. The basis is that there is a 24 hour period where no laws apply and people can live their wildest fantasies. Sounds pretty nice … in theory anyways. I, for one, would get a yacht and cruise along the French Riviera with bottomless bellinis and shrimp cocktails. Much to my disappointment, however, this is not the same image the movie characters have in mind.

If you were given a full day to do anything you wanted, would your first thought be murder, rape, or theft? I would hope not! Do people really lay awake at night dreaming of taking someone’s life? I literally cannot even process that thought. Yet, we have a giant cast of characters, in multiple iterations of the movie, that want nothing more than to terrorize and spread hate. They all happen to have those disturbing masks (you know, the clear doll ones with colorful outlines on the eyes, noise, and mouth). They go out looting stores and houses and generally destroying things just because they can. They want to hurt people because they think it’s entertaining, I guess.

Now, I have a lot of questions about #SurvivingTheNight that I want to put in your head so that you too can spend your days wondering about fictional things. Prepare yourselves, here they come:

  • If you knew the Purge was coming, because it is announced in advance, why would you not go somewhere far, far away to stay safe? Like, I don’t know, the middle of upper Canada or rent a sailboat and anchor down somewhere long from any shoreline?
  • Does everyone just have creepy doll masks in their houses or just demons? Is that the warning sign for your gut instinct that maybe you won’t get along with this person? 
  • How does the doll mask industry prep for the high demand? Do they even know it’s coming? Do the employees willing mass produce these knowing they will be part of acts that are literally unlawful, thus the point of the Purge?
  • Why doesn’t anyone do normal things like steal all of the Chewy Chips-Ahoy and illegally stream Disney Plus off a neighbor’s account?
  • What happens when you recognize someone and you both survive? How do you not judge that person forever for what they consider to be a deep dark fantasy?
  • Who is in charge of stopping the Purge and how is that enforced? Like do law enforcement officers suddenly appear from the graveyard and start arresting people?
  • Why don’t the Purge offenders target law enforcement? Then their beautiful, twisted, world could go on forever with no one to stop it?
  • After knowing about these movies, and about other events in the world today, why on Earth do you not / are in the process of getting an underground bomb shelter?!

Those were all of my questions just from the trailer, so if I actually watched the full film I’m sure we could 100x that list. But, alas, scary movies are not my jam so I stick hard and fast to my rule that if the commercial freaks me out I will in no way be watching the movie. Scary commercials really should come with warnings before hand – it still confuses me that those can be shown to anyone but as soon as someone says sh*t the bleepers earn their pay. You can read my whole post on that nonsense HERE.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this and want to share it with them, that would seriously mean a lot to me. I’m so grateful to all the current readers and subscribers. If you want to get these in your inbox twice weekly don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks for reading!


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WARNING! SCARY COMMERCIAL COMING

It’s no secret that I’m not the biggest fan of Halloween – more specifically, I’m not the biggest fan of frightening things. I don’t like to be scared…it’s not my idea of a good time. People who like to be scared confuse me. There are plenty of other ways to have a mini heart attack and induce nightmares for weeks that don’t involve creatures from the deepest, darkest, depths of hell.

I mean, really, where do people even come up with some of these ideas?! Kind of seems like they take something that’s supposed to be calming and happy and they turn it into a devil that terrorizes innocent people because why? Because they can? Where do these people even come from?! What happened in their childhood to make it so that their joy is derived from the terror of others? I honestly don’t even understand how one gets to that state mentally.

My list of questions about who is creating this content, why they think it’s acceptable, the people who pay money to partake in this, etc. are endless. Regardless of my feelings on the matter though, scary movies are wildly popular. All year long. Even during seasons that are supposed to be purely delightful, pleasant, and merry. I won’t even get started on the Christmas horror movies that have appeared recently. No, just no – those need to die.

So we have these scary movies out there, and, for some reason, it was decided that airing commercials for these movies on public television was completely fine. This would be alright if they didn’t show any of the scary parts. Let’s all agree that you can tell it’s going to be a scary movie by the state of the family’s house. Or by the emphasis on one of the children – usually looking like they aren’t fully there mentally. Or by the creepy music in the background. Or by just general human intuition that lets you know something isn’t quite right with what you’re watching.

Why, then, must we show the demon, or the zombie, or the clown, or whatever the freaking antagonist is?! And why is it always as a jump scare?! Can we not casually just fade in their picture with the movie title?! Scary movie lovers will know what the deal is and all normal people of the world won’t have to go find a change of pants.

From a marketing perspective, I get it, I really do. You want to show the people a preview to get them hooked into watching the whole thing. Alright fine, you can keep the scary part of the commercial in there. But please, for my sake, if no one else’s, put some sort of warning up on the screen before you play it! Then I can look away, or go find a snack, or water my succulent, or return the voicemail someone left for me last month, or ANYTHING besides watching what is assaulting my television.

The irony is not lost on me that anyone, including those under 17, can watch said commercials. Yet if that movie minor wanted to go pay to watch it in a theater they could not. Another reason to take the scariness, or the R ratedness out of the previews? I think so! Don’t agree? I take it you’re one of those disturbed humans who enjoys that ridiculous then?

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who gets scared easily (like mwah) then pass this along so they can know that other scary commercial survivors exist and we have safe havens waiting – The Food Network and HGTV. Thanks for reading!


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