PICTURES ARE WORTH MORE THAN A THOUSAND WORDS

Communicating with people can be a challenge. Let’s not lie to ourselves. Especially when it’s done in any form that isn’t face to face. Which is pretty much the only thing we do now-a-days. Send text based messages to friends, family, co-workers, clients, significant others, love interests, enemies, random people on the Internet, etc. There’s so many ways to relay a message where the recipient is left to interpret the tone and delivery all by themselves. What could possibly go wrong with that? So. Many. Things.

Before going further, I think we need to take a quick rest stop and think about the different kinds of communicators that exist. Because there are several and they are not the same. At all. In fact, the range from direct to detailed is huge and all of them leave so much room for interpretation. Here are my 6 main categories, but many people flow between several depending on their mood:

  • Straight to the Point Steve
    • This is the person who just asks for what they need. They won’t respond unless absolutely necessary. Typically comes off a bit cold and standoff-ish
  • No BS Nancy
    • This is the person who will respond, but will not show any emotion. No exclamation points, or emojis, will be found in their communication. Typically comes off as stressed, but focused
  • One Word Owen
    • This is the person who can’t keep a conversation going to save their lives. Their answers are one to two words / emojis long. Typically comes across as dull or rude
  • Makes No Sense Meredith
    • This is the person who won’t respond to what you sent. They’ll get on a tangent and neither one of you will understand what is being communicated. Typically comes across as scattered and frustrating
  • Emoji Ethan
    • This is the person who loves their emoji / GIF keyboard more than anyone should. Every word has an emoji after it. Typically comes across as immature and unprofessional
  • Way Too Detailed Wanda
    • This is the person who will respond to absolutely everything you sent and then continue to ask questions. Typically comes across as a lot

Great! A fun starting guideline to how we communicate with each other has been established. And, as you probably have experienced in your own life, the same message from all of these people will be interpreted very differently. For example, let’s say they were all giving you a lunch order:

Steve: Chicken salad sandwich on a croissant. Apple on the side. Hold the lettuce.

Nancy: For lunch, I would like a personal hawaiian pizza.

Owen: Cheesesteak

Meredith: Oh, I had the best salad from that new deli the other day. I can’t remember the owner’s name, but they were certainly lovely. We had the nicest talk about our dogs!

Ethan: Yes 🙂 lunch! Sushi 😛 

Wanda: Perfect! I’m so hungry 😛 can I please have a kale smoothie for lunch, if you don’t mind? What are your plans for dinner, btw? Maybe we could cook a chicken dish 🙂

See? Which one of those would you rather receive? Personally, I use emojis to relay my own tone and delivery. I also use them to gauge the other person’s tone and delivery. It may just be me, but Ethan and Wanda would be my preference over the other four. How else would I let them know that saying ‘I hate you’ is simply a joke unless I put the cry laughing emoji next to it? Or used a GIF of an unimpressed child’s side eye? They would actually think I hated them. Which, I have to believe, would cause some big problems. How did everyone communicate pre-emoji? What a nightmare.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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DATING APPS ARE OUT OF CONTROL

Why is love so hard? Well, it doesn’t have to be! We all have a set of standards and expectations that are used to filter out potential partners. Good familial relationships, excellent cook, no aspirations of a dad bod, compassionate, 6’2”, has a job, gives strong preferential treatment to dogs over all other pets, has friends, etc. You know what yours are. In my experience this list of requirements varies greatly between each of us. The majority of the list makes sense since they are values that are important to you. Or at least help aid your agenda of producing the next Stephen Curry. 

But if you’re honest with yourself for a split second, there is probably at least one item on there that is more of a suggestion. It would be great if they didn’t judge my afterwork habits. It would be great if they showed up at my door just to drop off a package of Chewy Chips-Ahoy cookies when I have a bad day … and then of course leave me alone with my cookies and feelings. It would be great if they drove a sports car, or at least had an interest in owning one someday. Blah, blah, blah. These aren’t so much dealbreakers as dealmakers. When you’re trying to decide between several potential candidates and it comes down to the little details. 

Thankfully, several different companies have popped up to target all of your oddly specific criteria for a partner. In my opinion, some of them make sense since they still allow for a broad enough range of options outside of the main focus. A lot of them, however, simply saw the line (the ‘you’re taking it too far’ line) and flew right by it without even blinking. For those of you not overly familiar with the online dating options, or for those that like to play it safe with the most popular options, let’s look at what all is available to you (according to Google – and GOOGLE KNOWS ALL) ranked from most sensible to ‘wut?’:

  • Christian Mingle
    • If Jesus isn’t giving you what you need romantically, at least the Internet will
  • Farmers Only
    • Plow the fields can be taken in several different directions, so at least there’s lots of good pick-up lines here
  • Elite Singles
    • For all the wealthy people who somehow have trouble finding all the gold diggers of the world
  • Uniform Dating
    • While a lot of people look sharp in a uniform, seems like a shaky thing to base a relationship on
  • 420 Singles
    • I’m sure there are more than 420 people using this platform
  • Miss Travel
    • Their business model (summarized): beautiful women seek rich men to travel the world with on “dates”
  • Gluten Free Singles
    • Finally, a platform where not eating gluten spares you from all judgement
  • The Ugly Bug Ball
    • Don’t feel pretty enough for mainstream dating apps? Welcome to the Ugly Bug Ball
  • Sea Captain Date
    • Oddly specific, but seems to be a wavy twist on the Uniform Dating platform
  • Date a Golfer
    • Most golfers I know are taken … because they golf … which is awesome … but also, just put that you play golf on your profile. This feels like we’re beating the horse to death with a club
  • Herpes Fish
    • It’s illegal to not disclose that you have Herpes to a sexual partner. Here’s the loophole
  • Mullet Passions
    • Mullets are not for me, but they are for some. For the passionate, this is for you
  • Clown Dating
    • Surely this is a thing of nightmares, I do not understand this at all
  • Vampire Passions
    • Well, vampires aren’t real so this may be some funky cosplay alternative
  • Amish Dating
    • I don’t even know where to start on this one. Amish people don’t use technology. Ergo, Amish people don’t use the Internet. Ergo, how would an Amish person get registered on this site? And how would they even know it existed. How does this even work?!

Wow, I mean, what a time to be single! As you can see, it takes a turn into weirdville quite quickly. I’m curious as to how all of these sites are able to maintain any sort of feasible user base. Outside of about the top three, or four. Seems to me like most of these things are easily handled via a good profile on a more well-rounded platform. But, then again, I don’t really know. These are just observations based on site name and their splash pages. Regardless, I had a super fun time diving down this Internet rabbit hole and will unashamedly take all of my new browsing ads to date a clown, to embrace the Herpes, and to settle down without any of the technical advancements I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying up until now.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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