Ghosts are cowards. All they do is sneak up on people, tease them, scare them, and then vanish into the safety of the darkness never to be seen or heard from again. It’s about time to bring out my Proton Pack and send all these little bitties where they belong – to the Containment Unit.
Read More...Remember high school? Some people loved it, some people tolerated it, and some people wanted nothing less than to get out. Regardless, one way or another you made it through! For better, or worse, high school happened and now it’s a distant memory for a good portion of us. No matter what your feelings were during the experience, and probably even to this day, can we all agree that it was nothing like high school is in the movies?
I’m not sure if screenwriters skipped high school, went solely to the most expensive private high schools where money can buy you a degree, or if they have the memory of a goldfish and forgot the minute they left, but how they portray the puberty nightmare is very different than what the real world is like. All of the made up drama that goes away just so easily … where everyone is accepting of you and is willing to change overnight … where kids have no chores to do … and money is endless … what planet is this high school scenario on?
Let’s take a journey down memory lane, but reimagine it as if we were movie stars and always had a happy ending. Starting, of course, with freshman year. Day one, specifically. New school year, new school, obviously, have to start with some circumstantial drama or else viewers wouldn’t stay engaged. The most popular kid at school notices you and takes an interest in you. Ergo, overnight you become popular and have successfully quelled the ‘will I get invited to parties’ hurdle.
Your first year goes seamlessly and you enter the summer on top of the world. But alas, everything is about to go horribly, horribly wrong. You get caught in a romantic moment with someone other than your partner. That secret crush of yours that you’ve been eyeing since you first saw them, but was already taken so couldn’t act on it. Instead of having an adult conversation about it, your current partner jumps to a conclusion and starts to act stand-off-ish. Out of revenge, or confusion, you do the same. Rumors start and by the time Sophomore year comes around you’re the jerk who everyone hates. Everyone except your secret crush.
You spend most of year two repairing broken relationships, that, again, could have easily been avoided by not believing everything you hear. In a remarkable twist, by the end of the year you’ve grown into a more mature person and are once again back on top of the food chain. Until it comes out that despite having seemingly endless amounts of money based on your leisure activities, your family lives on the not as wealthy side of town.
Once again you enter the summer, but this time with a solid group of real friends around you. Despite having people in your life who don’t care about how extravagant of a present you’re going to get them, you feel sad. And start to ditch your actual friends to chase the elusive popularity once more. Annoyed, as they should be, your real friends get tired of your nonsense real quick and decide to stop inviting you to things. So you head towards Junior year angry and alone yet again.
If this is all starting to sound like a ridiculous cycle of unnecessary drama and unbelievable forgiveness you would be right! Can you believe that Junior year you eventually apologize to your real friends and start to finally be comfortable with who you are? You stop caring so much about what other people think and start to make decisions for yourself, and not because of how many likes it will get you. You cruise through your last two years like a freaking pro – end of story. You live happily ever after and become a tech entrepreneur, or highly successful author, or a professional chef, or something where you for sure make a lot of money and people want to be you. What possible discrepancies are there between that and how it actually went?
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Have you ever been in love? Let’s back up, have you ever been in a relationship? Mmm, further back, have you ever liked someone? AKA, been single and ready to mingle? If that’s you, no worries at all! There is still more than enough time and plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t give up hope – your person, or people … not here to judge … is out there. This is the ideal time to live your best freaking life and do all of the things that make you happy. No asking, no schedule arranging, no double booking, no awkward in-law interactions, no trying to conceal your quirkiness. Just pure you.
While I fully support a solid, soul enhancing, single period of your life, most of us, at some point, want to find the peanut butter to our jelly. And I have to say, there is no better feeling than meeting someone who you just vibe with. Who you love spending time with doing absolutely nothing. The person who is your travel buddy, picture taker, food explorer, and best friend. Someone who pushes you to be a better version of yourself and is your biggest cheerleader. That feeling is special.
True love, or infatuation, if you’ve felt it, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re anything like me, however, the longer you’re with your partner, the more comfortable you get with them. And thus, the longer the list becomes of just truly questionable things that you do where you wonder how you aren’t single. How someone would watch you do something so off the wall without batting an eye and move on like nothing happened. If you’re really jamming on the same keyboard with your partner, they might even respond back, matching your weirdness without a second thought.
For my singles peeps, I’m sure you can also think of several reasons keeping you from finding your soulmate. Although I would argue that they aren’t preventing you from meeting that special someone, you just haven’t found the right person who loves that about you. To be honest, sometimes you have to pick through a lot of weeds to find a beautiful flower. Some weeds may look like a catch on the outside, talking to you dandelions, but when you start to dig deep you realize they’re toxic. So don’t beat yourself up! You deserve someone much, much, much better.
Anywho … enough mushy talk. In case you’re embarrassed by your quirks, or are in denial that you’re a weirdo, I’m more than happy to share some of my strange habits to make you feel better about yourself. Starting with the fact that apparently I make dinosaur noises at random points throughout the day. I never really know when it’s going to happen. One minute, I’m a professional, and the next I’m channeling my inner pterodactyl to communicate my hunger to my partner. Who usually just responds with a dinosaur noise as well, so if that isn’t a soulmate I’m not sure what is.
Dinosaur noises may sit at the top of my list, but please enjoy all these other quirks that comprehensively should make me single according to social standards:
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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The older I get, the more aware I am of all the social stigmas that exist in society. And there’s a lot of them. A lot a lot. An unnecessary amount of things that other people use as some sort of basis for judging your life. You know what I’m talking about, right? By what age you should be married. How old is too old to have children. What is an acceptable job coming out of college. What is an unacceptable job coming out of college. The amount of drinks you should consume at once, and in a week. How often you should use the microwave to make a meal. The list goes on and on.
It seems to me, that one of the biggest categories for these stigmas is the dating world. Especially in today’s society where we have these fun little things known as dating apps. Not all of them are winners, but there are definitely options for everyone. And I do mean everyone. Yet, as with pretty much all things in life, people feel a certain type of way depending on what name you drop when asked how you met your current significant others.
I also think people like to assume that using dating apps means you’re hindered in the personality department. Since meeting someone casually in a random bar and striking up a conversation and falling in love isn’t overly common today. Because we have smartphones. And, thus, no longer have a need to talk to strangers at a bar. We wait for our friends to arrive. Or, more accurately, we play on our phones until we finish our drink and then leave. I don’t know a single person who would go out and just willingly approach other social groups to introduce themselves with zero reason other than to hopefully make a new friend.
Enter technology. You know I love technology. I’m a millennial – technology is practically my middle name, after all. The best thing about technology is that now you no longer have to be socially awkward and approach strangers unless you’re simply that extroverted. But if you’re that extroverted, chances are you’re there to meet your friends anyways. And approaching other groups of people when you are in a group of people is exponentially easier. So, basically, you can meet other humans on your terms and not feel like you’re intruding on a private conversation. How fun!
In this new age, you match with someone, then decide if you like them enough to meet them in person and actually talk to them. If you don’t want to do that, you don’t have to. You no longer have to sit through a dead end conversation with someone who only talks about themselves. Or who only knows how to answer questions with one word. Or who could not be less interested in learning anything about you. Anything at all. Not that dating apps eliminate bad dates, but at least you get some sort of a chance to weed out the duds beforehand.
Anywho, assuming you and your match are super compatible, and you actually like each other *gasp*, then you start going down a more involved path. Whatever that looks like to you. Dating, a relationship, friends with benefits, talking to them once a week … I don’t know you, but I know you know what I mean. If it goes a route where you talk about them to your friends and family, well then they always want to know how you met. Enter our friend, the dating app stigma.
Not all dating apps are created equal. Not all dating apps attract the same types of people. Not all dating apps typically end a date in the same way. Ergo, the stigma around the names. So if you fall in love on Tinder, that’s fantastic! Just know that chances are higher that people will question the long-term validity of your relationship. Much how we question how real the engagements are on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. If, however, you fall in love on eHarmony, more than likely people will be expecting wedding invites at some point in the future.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Sports are a way of life. Not for all people, certainly, but for a lot of people. Because who doesn’t love getting overly invested in the performance of your favorite team and favorite players? Probably people who enjoy more stress-free ways of living or low blood pressure. It’s irritating when your team is not playing well, or worse: losing, or even worse: losing to your rival. In those moments you learn a lot about yourself as a person – where your priorities truly lie, how you handle stress, what you’re like under the pressure of trash talk, whether or not you’re a gracious loser, and how competitive you are regarding things that you have less than zero control over.
While sports have a lot of positives, there are some negative aspects that you have to deal with. Rioting, losing friendships, scandals, losing money, cheating, drugs, etc. And then, of course, you have the announcers. Sport announcers are there to say helpful things and aid in the viewing experience of the game. Supposedly. There is a most curious breakdown of things that can, and will, come out of an announcers mouth during the period of play. Ask any sports fan and they have announcers that they like, announcers that they tolerate, and then announcers they cannot stand.
Regardless of how you feel about the announcer, their dialogue can best be summarized as follows. Usually they throw some fun statistics in there and some inspiring story about the team, or a specific player. Constantly they will talk about what can best be described as sport conspiracy theories regarding playoffs based on the team’s performance to date. This includes, but is not limited to, previously played games, the current game being played, upcoming schedule of games, and what both a win and a loss mean going into the next day. It’s great to hear when they’re talking in favor of your team, and it’s the most obnoxious thing in the world when it’s against your team.
Some of the time they will interject with memories about their time participating in said sport, which usually feels more like a backdoor brag than anything. But then, the rest of the time is spent with them saying ridiculous things that anyone else in the whole freaking planet could also say. Sports fan, or not. And it just makes you stop and think about how they landed this cushy, well-paid, gig when you could also easily make broad statements about the nature of a sport. Statements such as:
I could go on, but this feels like an inclusive enough list to make my point. Basically, sports announcers just find different ways to state the obvious. Or to say the wrong mascot for a team. People want to win. People don’t like to lose. Other people are often in charge of making decisions that you may, or may not, agree with. Failing to reach the end goal is never satisfying. And reaching a longtime dream is the best feeling in the world. None of that feels overly exclusive to sports – more of a life thing in general. All I’m saying is change the sport terms into everyday terms and you’ve got a recipe for inspirational sayings. Kind of feels like anyone could do it.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Finding real love is hard. Some people don’t ever really find it. Some people find it every other week. Some people find something close enough to what they wanted, so they make it work. Some people get lucky and do find the kind of love they always dreamed about. Wherever you fall along Cupid’s arrow, I think we can all agree that people want to find love. I would argue that most people want to find their soulmate. Whether it’s one of many that will walk into their lives, or the only one, feeling that connection is special.
Feeling that connection with dogs is too easy. Easy enough that I fall in love with every cute little pupper that I see. Why? Because it’s so fluffy, I’m gonna die! Is this a problem? Some people in my life might think so. However, as much as we all know I could talk about dogs for pages and pages, this post is not about falling in love with our pets. It’s about the challenge of finding that strong feeling for human people. Whaaaaaaaaaat?! Indeed. Love between two human beings.
If right now you’re thinking, ‘you got to be kidding me’, totally valid. Hear me out, though, I believe that Pixar has solved all of our issues when it comes to soulmate expectations. Sure, sure, there are plenty of movies out there that do the complete opposite and fill our heads with thoughts of how our love story should look. Realistic, or not, it’s our current reality. Thank you social media and technology and Hollywood. It leaves a lot of us confused. Or worse. But instead of going down that rabbit hole of something awful from the past, let’s instead talk about happier times.
Lightbulb! Enter everyone’s favorite little yellow banana men. Dave, listen up please! I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I believe that the minions may be the ultimate soulmate created in an animated fashion by an entertainment giant. They’re extremely loyal, for starters. I mean come on. Unless they’ve been injected with some evil liquid that messes with their DNA and literally makes them a different species, they would die for Gru. With zero questions asked. It’s a simple existence, with minimal stress. Get directions, follow directions, look back and laugh at the complete misunderstanding of said directions.
Let’s move past this blind full send mentality of theirs, because that’s not an appealing quality for everyone. The minions are highly adaptable and resilient to everything in life. Do they ever get hurt? Can they even die? Do they ever get sick? Can they even feel pain? Imagine how much money you’ll save on doctor’s bills, lab bills, life insurance bills, etc. You could go on so many nice vacations for that! Or get so much food and beverages of choice!
If that alone isn’t appealing, have you ever had to pay a medical bill before? But fine, ok, moving onwards and upwards to more exciting things. Let’s talk about the instant number of new followers you’ll get … I mean, there’s hundreds of them and they’re all best friends. So if you nail down one, by the nature of the minion loyalty pact, you are in with all of them. Imagine Thanksgiving dinners. Wow! So much entertainment. So many shared dishes brought. Although, let’s be honest, the majority will probably be bananas but those are good to prevent leg cramps so you can stretch to your heart’s content.
For all the banana haters of the world, never fear! Think about all the challenges you have with communication. Imagine a world where that would not be an issue. Nobody knows what they’re saying. And they don’t really understand you. So it would be this fun world where you just had to interpret, to the best of your ability, what they told you. Lots of siren sounds would for sure be in play, which could be good or bad, but who’s to say which way.
Like with all soulmates, though, there are downfalls. Nobody’s perfect after all. They have the maturity of a toddler. They light things on fire. They’re tiny so there would have to be appliances of different sizes in the home. Might have you yelling ‘curse you tiny toilet’! Trying to get them away from Gru, Agnes, Edith, and Margo is pretty much impossible. We don’t know what human food does to their digestive system. They have a lot of combat skills, one would assume, given the nature of the work they do. And to wrap it all up, they’re technically villains.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Nobody likes having monsters under their bed at night. At least not until we learned how absolutely lovable they are! I think monsters have gotten a bad reputation in the human world for some time, and thankfully Mike and Sully helped shed some valuable insight into the reasons behind the scare. Despite the questionably logical approach to energy creation in Monstropolis, I have some unanswered questions, and plenty of observations from this adorable film:
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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There’s a lot of unwritten rules in life. If you know them, you will save yourself a lot of awkward, frustrating, and / or embarrassing moments. Leave it in better condition than you found it. Look at the menu before it’s your turn to order (so you don’t hold up the line, obviously – more on restaurant ordering rules in THIS POST). Replace the toilet paper roll if you use it up. Free flowing right hand turns mean you don’t have to stop (they are not a yield sign either, KNOW THE DIFFERENCE). Greasy foods taste better after you’ve been drinking. Walk right, pass left (how is this so complicated, it’s the golden SIDEWALK RULE). Pick up after your dog. Wine is better out of the bottle (it’s also the OFFICIAL DRINK OF LOVE). Don’t show up on Christian Mingle looking for a one night stand.
I could go on, but I believe you get the point. Some things are simply courteous. Others are respectful. And yet others are downright intuitive. How do you feel when you go to wipe and the person before you decided it was beneath them to put a new roll on? Like you want to leave your present somewhere for them probably. Or when you go to frolic around in your luscious yard and find that someone let their dog have their way for you to clean up?
Better yet, how obnoxious is it when you’re looking for something real, like a consistent ice cream date, or love, and the other person is like ‘oh, yea, I’m only interested in a short term deal’. Bruh, this is Match, what are you even doing here? That’s not how this works. While life may have a lot of rules, online dating really just has one: stay in your lane. Everyone with the tiniest bit of social knowledge can understand how the different platforms work. They all have their unique reputations. But just in case you haven’t heard about this very special app phenomenon, I am here to guide you down the yellow brick road of love. Since I like categories, and I’m the one writing this, let’s examine the different tiers that exist and where each popular platform falls among those:
Now that we have a somewhat organized sense of what the most popular sites are centered around, it’s easier to understand why someone looking for marriage in the next 6 months is going to hit nothing but a wall of frustration using Tinder. And vice versa – a player is going to probably get blocked all the way off eHarmony. There’s so many options now with dating sites that there’s really no good reason why you aren’t able to stay in your lane and find your people. Read the room. Read the vibe. Read the situation. Make smart choices. It’ll save you time, trouble, and heartbreak.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. What are some of your unspoken ways to win at life? Feel free to drop them in the comments below, I’d love to hear them! If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Why is love so hard? Well, it doesn’t have to be! We all have a set of standards and expectations that are used to filter out potential partners. Good familial relationships, excellent cook, no aspirations of a dad bod, compassionate, 6’2”, has a job, gives strong preferential treatment to dogs over all other pets, has friends, etc. You know what yours are. In my experience this list of requirements varies greatly between each of us. The majority of the list makes sense since they are values that are important to you. Or at least help aid your agenda of producing the next Stephen Curry.
But if you’re honest with yourself for a split second, there is probably at least one item on there that is more of a suggestion. It would be great if they didn’t judge my afterwork habits. It would be great if they showed up at my door just to drop off a package of Chewy Chips-Ahoy cookies when I have a bad day … and then of course leave me alone with my cookies and feelings. It would be great if they drove a sports car, or at least had an interest in owning one someday. Blah, blah, blah. These aren’t so much dealbreakers as dealmakers. When you’re trying to decide between several potential candidates and it comes down to the little details.
Thankfully, several different companies have popped up to target all of your oddly specific criteria for a partner. In my opinion, some of them make sense since they still allow for a broad enough range of options outside of the main focus. A lot of them, however, simply saw the line (the ‘you’re taking it too far’ line) and flew right by it without even blinking. For those of you not overly familiar with the online dating options, or for those that like to play it safe with the most popular options, let’s look at what all is available to you (according to Google – and GOOGLE KNOWS ALL) ranked from most sensible to ‘wut?’:
Wow, I mean, what a time to be single! As you can see, it takes a turn into weirdville quite quickly. I’m curious as to how all of these sites are able to maintain any sort of feasible user base. Outside of about the top three, or four. Seems to me like most of these things are easily handled via a good profile on a more well-rounded platform. But, then again, I don’t really know. These are just observations based on site name and their splash pages. Regardless, I had a super fun time diving down this Internet rabbit hole and will unashamedly take all of my new browsing ads to date a clown, to embrace the Herpes, and to settle down without any of the technical advancements I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying up until now.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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Love looks different for everyone. Some people love men, some people love women, some people love themselves, some people love food, some people love their dogs, some people love their cats. But no matter where your heart lies, it’s your business. Who, or what, you love is your decision. This is not a one-way street, though. If you get to enjoy zero judgement from other people on where you choose to shoot Cupid’s arrow, then you don’t get to judge other people.
That’s the definition of pot calling the kettle black. Hypocritical to the max. I, for one, do not have the mental, or emotional, capacity to get worked up over what other people do. I’m trying to remember where I parked my car. I can’t also be trying to remember when was the last time I saw Billy date a girl. Who cares? Seriously, how is it any of your business? It only impacts you if you constantly think about it, complain about it, go out of your way to voice your opinion about it, you get the point. It’s a choice to be angry. Which I don’t understand at all. Why would you not choose to just be happy? Happiness > Angriness. Basic math. First day of kindergarten. First day in Sunday School. First life lesson we all learn. Life is better when you’re in a good mood.
Let’s use food as an example because I don’t know anything more relatable to humankind as a whole than the concept of food. We all have different preferences, right? Some of us like sweet foods, some of us like salty foods, some of us like healthy foods, some of us like to drink our meals, etc. Doesn’t mean that we will all like the same things. For example, I still like to hang out with my friends who eat vegetables and support their cooking adventures by showing up for dinner and finding creative ways to feed their dog. Even though my go to food is chocolate.
This same logic can be applied to people. Just because you may not understand why someone likes to eat apples as dessert doesn’t mean you can’t let them live their life in peace. If they show up to the party with a box of unfrosted, organic Pop-Tarts you can simply choose to eat something else. Like the white cheddar popcorn you brought. And life goes on, everyone is happy, everyone is full, everyone is having a good time.
I’m not sure why this is such a difficult thing for us to put into practice. It’s no secret that I don’t really enjoy cats. Not their company, not their habits, not their attitude, not much about that specific species. However, when I have to be in their company, I let it happen. I embrace the cat. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be going out to adopt one anytime soon, but I still hope they find loving homes. Nobody, and especially no animal, should be unloved. What kind of a way to live is that? Just you, your thoughts, your feelings, your pet rock, your succulents (more on how we need to stop the madness that is the succulent party favor in THIS POST), and your food.
Oh, wait, I’m being informed that some people find that to be relaxing. The alone time. Maybe I’m much more outgoing than I originally thought? That is my legitimate nightmare. Thus why I constantly overfill my social calendar. Then I can be fashionably late to everything. And always have to “check my schedule” before committing to things. AKA, buy myself a few minutes to decide if it’s an event I actually want to participate in.
Point is, live your life. Don’t try to live someone else’s. No need to throw your opinions all over another person’s canvas. That just ruins their masterpiece. Take a breath. Let it go. Take a few more. Let them go. Understand that you are ultimately only responsible for yourself and how you choose to respond to different situations in life. So choose to make yourself happy. By not worrying, stressing, or getting upset over other people.
Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!
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The Restless Professional 
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