HONKING WON’T MAKE TRAFFIC MOVE ANY FASTER

The car horn can save lives…when used correctly. Unfortunately, like most things with good intentions, it gets abused. Heavily, obnoxiously, unnecessarily abused. Despite popular belief, the sound of a car horn is not pleasant and doesn’t instill feelings of confidence, peace, and joy. No, the car horn usually evokes feelings of panic, fear, and anger. So why do so many drivers think it’s acceptable to play a little horn karaoke during every commute that they take?

This may come as a surprise for our horn-loving friends, but your horn is not all powerful. In fact, it cannot do any of the following:

  • Make ALL the cars in front of the one you’re stopped behind move
  • Clear up an intersection traffic jam
  • Make a lane blocking accident disappear into thin air
  • Change a light from red to green
  • Make a highway parking lot suddenly move
  • Force the pedestrian to walk faster
  • Make the muscle movement to take the foot off the brake and put it on the gas any faster than immediate when the light turns green

If any of those surprise you, or if you just disagree, then you are a horn abuser and need to chill. Clearly you are hoping to accomplish one of those things, right? But you can’t. It’s impossible. That’s not how the car horn works! Let me enlighten you on the PROPER ways to use your horn:

  • To scare the crap out of someone who is trying to merge into your lane, but isn’t paying attention and is about to merge into you
  • To scare the crap out of an oblivious pedestrian who thinks that the crosswalk rules don’t apply to them and just cross the street wherever…even in the middle of traffic
  • To scare the crap out of a driver who is backing up, but not paying attention, and is about to back right into your front bumper
  • To scare the crap out of a pedestrian who doesn’t believe in speed and is literally crawling across the crosswalk for zero reason
  • To scare the crap out of someone who isn’t paying attention to the traffic lights and has been sitting at the green light for more than 5 seconds (because reaction times vary)

In other words, horns are used to scare the crap out of people so they don’t hurt you, or themselves. Otherwise, it just pisses people off and trains them not to pay attention to the piercing, eardrum-bursting, sound that is a horn. So in effect, you horn-happy idiots are making it worse. Do you not get that?! Especially since the state of drivers in this country is already questionable, at best. We don’t need to give them one more excuse to drive like brainless children.

So the next time you’re stuck in traffic, and are late, and have to use the bathroom, and are already in a terrible mood because work, just roll your window down and let the drivers in front of you know how you really feel about sitting on the highway. Save the horn for when it actually counts – to save lives. Words are more powerful than sounds anyways because it allows you to elaborate in a colorful manner and really get your point across. Sounds are interpreted differently by everyone so they might think you’re just honking because you love Jesus. Stop the madness, end the unnecessary honking, and learn how to communicate with others.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who tends to lay on the horn for no reason, pass this along so they can practice verbalizing their thoughts and opinions on me instead of simply using a horrible sound to try and relay a point. Thanks for reading!


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