SOME THINGS IN LIFE ARE UNSATISFYING

I’m going to come out and say it – I don’t like cleaning. It’s one of those necessary evils in life. If you don’t do it, eventually, bad things happen. Like roaches. And hard, hard, hard pass on that. Does anyone actually want roaches? Or who knows what other rodents come with a dirty place of living. Let’s not go down that fun train of thought on an otherwise rodent free day. At least for me, I guess it’s not fair to assume that’s the same for everyone. Some people have rats as pets. Why? I literally have zero idea. 

Anyways, sure, I feel so great and very adult after cleaning. Who doesn’t? It’s like organizing your life at the most basic level. You are taking something and making it brand new. Think of it as a new year’s resolution for your stuff. They have all that time where mistakes are made. Things get spilled. Dirt gets dragged in. The recycling piles up. It happens. It’s life. And then, like a ball drop, you come in and give them a chance to start fresh. Start clean. No big deal. Clean the crumbs off the counter. Take out the trash. Vacuum the carpet. Wipe down the windows.

Wipe the windows? Wait a second. Is it just me or is cleaning windows the most mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging cleaning task ever? You spend all that effort and finally get the windows clean only to find out that there are what? Streaks! The absolutely most frustrating thing in the history of adult things you can partake in. You clean to get rid of the streaks. Except they don’t go away. They come back. Like a leech. Or a stray cat.

Windex streak-free is a lie. Let’s start there. I have yet to use that product and successfully come away fully streak-free. So someone is not being honest. Either I don’t know how to clean glass or the people at Windex still haven’t figured out the streak-free formula. Hard to say. Mirrors are one thing, but if we’re looking at the range of frustration on glass products, it’s the most minimally infuriating. House windows are annoying, side windows in the car are next, followed closely by the rearview mirror and dash panel coverings. 

Top of the list, with zero competition, are the front and rear windshields in the car. I mean, come on. You can look at it from all angles and see nothing, but once a stray ray of sunshine comes in you’re blinded by stripes. From where?! There were none and now they are like an invasive plant species. Or a stray watermelon seed that gets dropped in your front lawn at a summer cookout. It’s like a cruel trick that the universe is playing on drivers everywhere who try to be responsible and take care of their car.

What’s the point of cleaning? If you’re just going to have to keep cleaning? All the time apparently. There’s all these special products you can buy that supposedly also are streak-free. But we both know that it’s simply a marketing tactic at this point. Obviously, since I still have streaky windows. What’s up with that?! The online options are not helpful either. Wipe off the dirt. Clean with rubbing alcohol. Clean with glass cleaner. Clean, again with rubbing alcohol. Who has the time honestly? It’s a windshield. Bills are a thing, but I’m not above paying for a high level interior car wash. Make them have to deal with my streaks. Take some stress out of my life.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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I’M NOT A HOARDER, I’M SENTIMENTAL

You know how the saying goes: the more space you have, the more space you’ll fill up. I think that’s how it goes…but now that I’m thinking about it there’s a good chance I made it up. The concept is what’s really important here though – that being that you will “grow” into whatever extra space you have. Why is that? Seems like a very first-world problem where we have this need to fill the emptiness in our lives with something.

That just got way, way, way too deep for this blog so I’m going to take a massive step back into borderline nonsense territory before I scare some readers away. Anyways, back in the comfort of the half-joking, half-serious, and fully sarcastic world that I live in, I have noticed that I do tend to fill every last inch of space that is in the place where I’m living, or working, or eating lunch, or being chauffeured around in, or anywhere really that I ever am (regardless of whether or not I own said space). 

Extra shelf in the linen closet? Seems like the perfect place to store all the exercise equipment I’m not using. Extra drawer in the kitchen? Obviously I should put whiteboard markers in there just in case I ever buy a whiteboard for my fridge. Extra space on my desk? Seems like a good day to take an “extended lunch break” and see what goodies lie in the Amazon universe of office accessories. Extra seat next to me in the Uber? Clearly meant to put my backpack, coat, water bottle, keys, cell phone, lunchbox, and camera on (because putting them in the backpack would be ridiculous).

Can you relate? Duh – who doesn’t?! Why do you think tiny houses are so popular right now? The less space, then, by default, the less stuff you are allowed to have. Nothing like cutting out 95% of your square footage to force a serious spring cleaning. I mean, that is the only purpose of those houses right? Because who would willingly just live in that tiny of a space where the bathroom and the bedroom don’t only share a wall, they are one and the same. Be honest with yourselves for a second…every once in a while something tears right through your digestive system and leaves a very unpleasant output. Nobody’s trying to have that literally hanging in the air when trying to sleep, or eat.

So, for all the regular house living people in the world, who else has trouble getting rid of things? No need to raise your hand, I can’t see you. Just have that thought to yourself and know that you and I have at least one thing in common. Now, it’s not for a lack of trying, I have to say. I attempt to get rid of things (like random grocery store receipts, and instructions to appliances that I no longer own, or clothing that I bought in high school and it really should have stayed in high school) at least once every few months. The best motivation is right after I go through and online shopping spree and realize that there isn’t enough room for everyone at the party and I’ll be darned if my brand new friends get kicked out.

If you’re anything like me, then you go through everything you own and have excuses for simply throwing away the bare minimum amount of items. Thoughts like these dance through your head (because rule number one rule of having to throw away your “precious” is to have some killer dance music playing):

  • I don’t own a Mr. Coffee pot anymore, but what if I decide to buy one again someday (if all the Keurigs turn into robots and run away) and it DOESN’T come with instructions?!
  • I haven’t worn XS shirts since I was 5, but what if I lose all the weight on my body and become just a walking skeleton?! I would need this shirt
  • I don’t need 4 different backpacks, but what if three of them all break in some fashion?! I would need the fourth one as a back-back-backup
  • I haven’t shopped at this store in years, but what if I can still go online and get the $5 off coupon?!

Inevitably, then, nothing goes away as all of our incredibly logic thoughts convince us to keep them *just* *in* *case*. Does that make us hoarders? No, I like to believe it simply makes us sentimental. Besides, there’s always room under the bed, and in some closet/cabinet to store things, right?! If not, you aren’t shoving hard enough.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who has a hard time parting with their belongings, share this post so we can trade war stories of being knee deep in socks and still trying to carefully find a place to put the newest few pairs. Thanks for reading!


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