Tag: St. Patrick's Day

HULU’S COMMERCIAL ALGORITHM: THE ULTIMATE TROLL

Hulu has crashed onto the streaming services scene and has really been making waves. Offering a live TV option. Giving you the fastest access to current seasons. Beginning to rival Netflix’s quality and quantity with their Hulu Originals. Having one of the best color schemes in television apps. Green is honestly superior to red. It’s the color of money for one. And half of the Christmas color scheme. Supposedly, according to my BIF (best Internet friend) Google, our minds associate it with life, nature, energy, growth, freshness, safety, and ambition, among other things.

Despite all the good things going it’s way, though, Hulu has a dark side. Some might think that’s their default advertisement tier. Those people would be partially right. I mean, sure, there is the option to pay for Hulu with no ads. But who has that kind of frivolous spending in their budget? It’s twice as much. And then I would lose my built in bathroom, and snack, breaks. In other words, for more of my money, I would physically have to pick up the remote to pause what I was watching to take a break. That feels backwards. A little unfair, honestly. Thus, I am but a Hulu peasant living with their commercial breaks.

Side tangent aside, the commercial breaks are a necessary evil in my current lifestyle. If you’re living the 1% life and don’t have the basic plan, then you may not be able to relate to the one major downside to Hulu. Which, of course, is their commercial algorithm troll. During my PH years – that’s pre-Hulu in case it was unclear – I thought I was kind of an average, normal-ish millennial. Sure I had my quirks, but overall believed I was in the same general range as my peers. From a lifestyle and preferences standpoint.

However, after leveling up to multiple streaming services and adding the big green H to my TV apps, I’ve realized that I am both a middle aged soccer mom and a lonely college student. I am neither a mom, nor am I middle aged, nor am I lonely, nor am I a college student. At least, I didn’t think I was. Enter Hubert the Hulu Troll. In my mind this algorithm is an angry old man, so I figured Hubert best fit that analogy. Hubert made me realize that I’ve basically been living in some weird dream as a mid-twenties millennial. 

I’m no algorithm expert, but I know that at a basic level it takes your viewing preferences and suggests commercials based on what category it thinks you fall into. Oh, and obviously your smart TV, and any other devices with your Hulu app, listens to your conversations and throws out commercials based on your conversations. So it takes the data it has, steals data from private conversations and stereotypes you. How fun is that?! 

If it feels a bit creepy, that’s because it is. I’ve been talking about adopting a new puppy since the fall. Simply talking. And texting. With my friends and family. On my phone. Which doesn’t have the Hulu app. Yet, guess who keeps getting Petfinder and Hill’s Pet Nutrition commercials? Correct, yours truly. Although, if we’re being honest, it could have been a much worse topic for them to take from my non Hulu related activity, so I guess there’s a silver lining. I get to see adorable dogs on my commercial breaks. On the flip side, though, it also thinks that I have children. I get a disturbing amount of Pull-Ups, minivan, and Hornitos tequila commercials. If Hulu is listening, please just send me more puppies.

Like all good technology, it doesn’t always get it right. Occasionally I get commercials for Meow Mix and I know you don’t know me, but I’m not a cat person. I don’t own a cat. I won’t own a cat. Stop trying to sell me on the impossible. I also find it funny when I get whiskey commercials since I hate whiskey. And all of my private conversations would indicate that. Maybe my significant other is whispering sweet nothings in Hubert’s ear to try and get me on the brown liquor train. But I will stand strong. 

My favorite part about Hubert, is that for a while I naively believed it was just random placements of ads to the highest bidder. Then my siblings, one who is in college and one who just graduated from college, informed me that they got Trojan, Tinder, and Tito’s commercials. At which point I realized that Hubert genuinely believes that I’ve outgrown my youth. I have not received a single commercial for any of those products. And I love a good moscow mule so what’s up with that?!

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!

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KISS ME, I’M IRISH…BUT ACTUALLY

Erin go Bragh! Sláinte! That would be Ireland forever and cheers to all you non-native Irish speakers. Ireland speaks English, technically, but in a very Irish way and I mean that with all the love in the world. Kind of how Southerners have created their own language, bless their hearts. So raise a pint because it’s St. Patrick’s Day – the best adult holiday on the planet! I’m not sure if minors celebrate this day or not. What would you do? Permanently dye your mouth green with all the “naturally” flavored treats in the shape of a shamrock? Go around pinching people for not wearing green? Sounds like a good time.

Thankfully, I am a legal adult in every single country on this beautiful planet. At one point in my life, I was not, but several (legal) St. Patrick’s day celebrations have caused me to forget my entire youth. Well, not the entire thing. Just the boring parts like thinking I was cool for pinching other people. If I was really trying to punish them, a backhand would have worked better. Because it should be a crime not to wear green today. It’s the one requirement all year. Wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. If you do nothing else, you must wear green. Unless you’re a Mean Girl, in which case, on Wednesdays you wear pink.

A true historian would roll over in their grave, though, because blue was the original color of this celebration. It became green when people started associating it with Ireland and all it’s rolling green hills, jolly green giants, Lucky Charms, green beans…wait. No, it’s the shamrock. That’s Ireland’s official emblem. How lucky. No wonder the Earth blessed them and banished all the snakes from the island.

St. Patrick’s Day is an interesting holiday, because everyone associates it with Ireland, but St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. He merely moved there for a job as one does. Also, until as recently as the 1970’s, pubs in Ireland were closed. If the pubs were closed, how did this become a giant keg stand throughout the world? What did people used to do it not drink? These are all good questions. I don’t want to try and assume what the people did, since you know what they say when you assume. If I wanted to go on an imagination journey though, down the rainbow to the pot of gold, I would say they ate. That’s what I would do if I couldn’t drink. Correction, that is what I do when I can’t drink.

Interestingly enough, Boston held the first American celebration in 1737. Now there is not documentation, that I could find anyways, indicating whether or not there were large quantities of alcohol present at this celebration. Having visited Brewston, though, I would like to say yes there certainly way…but only if I was journeying through the marshmallow forest with Lucky himself because we don’t assume. Despite Boston being first, Chicago does it best. If you thought that McDonald’s dying their McFlurrys and Shakes green was clever, Chi-Town decided to dye AN ENTIRE RIVER. Let me emphasize this. The Windy City turns a river (normally blue-ish) and makes it green. What?! I’m no color expert, but I’m pretty sure you have to mix yellow with blue to get green. What is in this dye? Is it…is it from a human? No wonder you’re not supposed to swim in the river.

In true American fashion, we spend over $6 billion celebrating. That’s billion, with a b. Is it all on booze? No! The themed cakes, cookies, ice cream, candy, etc. and of course the traditional corned beef and cabbage probably all account for about 1% of that total. Bars everywhere will feature themed green drinks, but if you want to truly celebrate, you have to go with the staple. The most Irish of all beers. A bold selection brew. A Guinness. According to USA Today, 13 million (just with an m) pints of this bold-bodied brand will be sold around the world. Of all times to go with the status quo, it is most certainly March 17. So break out your green, find your ID, and head to a local bar. With or without friends. Nobody will judge you after about an hour. Or if you buy them a beer – whichever comes first.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who lives for St. Paddy’s day, then figure out why that person isn’t you and get excited! It’s a national holiday that office businesses just aren’t quite recognizing yet. Cheers, thanks for reading!

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