Hollywood has never been accused of exaggerating, or lying, in their television series so it’s safe to assume that everything is 100% accurate with how the world works. Same as with things you read on the Internet. Totally factual. This is why I binge-watch (and am good at it, you can read more about how to do it like a pro in THIS POST). Purely for the knowledge and zero other reason. 

Some shows have been around since the dinosaurs. You know which ones I’m talking about. Anything in a double digit season, or on their fifth farewell season, or the ones where you think you’re watching a rerun, then realize that the description says it came out last week and you wonder if you invented time travel overnight successfully. I love playing the guessing game of whether or not this is really goodbye. You say this is the last time, and yet here you are…again…broadcasting all over my screens that you’re coming back for more. Then, when the end does come, your emotional bank is empty and you’re just left feeling confused, without direction for the evening ritual of mindlessness.

Criminal Minds is one of those shows. Unless you haven’t turned on a TV since 2005, you’ve seen Criminal Minds. Even if you didn’t realize you were watching Criminal Minds. It’s everywhere. I always forget that they’re still actively catching the world’s most disturbed individuals (because crime doesn’t stop). Well, that’s not entirely true. This is the year that it stops. Right? If the show is ending, have they caught EVERYONE? If not, then you better saddle back up cowboy and finish the job. How am I supposed to have any sense of safety in life sans my fictional saviors? It might be time to start preparing for the end of the world.

If they will no longer save me, then I’ll have to use all the lessons I’ve learned over the past 15 years to survive. Gaining this wealth of knowledge, though, and not sharing it seems selfish. And us millennials are known to be the most unselfish generation. Or maybe we are the most selfish? I can’t remember, I was thinking about myself when reading the article and I’ve forgotten.

Good Guys Always Win

Bad guys always get caught. Always. And if not in this episode, then at some point in the future with a breakthrough case that suspiciously links the missing pieces together. Exactly the same as in life. Never give up on being the good guy!

You Need a Jet if You’re in a Hurry

Do I need to elaborate on this? Jets are the best mode of transport. Faster than commercial airlines, trains, boats, cars, walking, etc. Just get a jet, it’s no big deal.

One Person Can Do it All

Call me Penelope Garcia and give me a task – I’ll get it done all by myself in the speed of light. Faster than a jet you could say. Faster than technically, physically, and humanly possible. Hard work and infinitely being on call will lead to results.

Time Off is a Myth

Oh, you put in for vacation? That’s cute, but we have this problem that you, and only you, can help with so come in ASAP. Drop everything – your book, your family, your marathon training, everything and get to the office. 

Everyone Has a Past

Even the crime fighters have secrets and regrets. Don’t hold on to this. Say what you need to say, take the high road, and stop letting it stress you out. Eventually it will impact other areas of your life (*cough* Gideon).

Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Cover

It’s always the pure, innocent seeming people that end up being guilty. We’re good at portraying ourselves how we want others to see us. Become a human lie detector and learn to trust your gut.

Lying Will Only Hurt You

Eventually you’ll get caught in the web you’ve spun yourself into, you little spider monkey. Lying is exhausting because you constantly need new ones to cover up existing ones. Do yourself a favor and tell the truth. Better yet, don’t kill people and then you won’t need to lie about it.

Know How to Google Search

A good Google search is the difference between being efficient and being frustrated. Need information quick (because someone’s life, or your lunch hour, depends on it)? Figure out how to get results instantly and become immediately valuable to your team.

I feel like I could more in depth, but, if I had to summarize all the years that we’ve spent together, that would be the gist of it. Of all long-running shows, I’m going to miss this one. The realness makes me feel alive and like I should maybe learn how to interrogate strangers, just in case. Good thing there’s endless reruns available everywhere cable is sold! Are you a hard-core BAU fanatic and feel like I’m off base, or that I missed one? Let’s chat about it. 

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you feel like you’re qualified to hunt down the weirdos out there to keep us safe, please let the directors know so we can end the madness that is the Criminal Minds finale. Thanks for reading!

---

FOLLOW TRP

Follow TRP on Twitter for shorter, daily insights on life as a millennial.

Get new content delivered directly to your inbox for maximum procrastination.