LIFE LESSONS FROM CRIMINAL MINDS

Hollywood has never been accused of exaggerating, or lying, in their television series so it’s safe to assume that everything is 100% accurate with how the world works. Same as with things you read on the Internet. Totally factual. This is why I binge-watch (and am good at it, you can read more about how to do it like a pro in THIS POST). Purely for the knowledge and zero other reason. 

Some shows have been around since the dinosaurs. You know which ones I’m talking about. Anything in a double digit season, or on their fifth farewell season, or the ones where you think you’re watching a rerun, then realize that the description says it came out last week and you wonder if you invented time travel overnight successfully. I love playing the guessing game of whether or not this is really goodbye. You say this is the last time, and yet here you are…again…broadcasting all over my screens that you’re coming back for more. Then, when the end does come, your emotional bank is empty and you’re just left feeling confused, without direction for the evening ritual of mindlessness.

Criminal Minds is one of those shows. Unless you haven’t turned on a TV since 2005, you’ve seen Criminal Minds. Even if you didn’t realize you were watching Criminal Minds. It’s everywhere. I always forget that they’re still actively catching the world’s most disturbed individuals (because crime doesn’t stop). Well, that’s not entirely true. This is the year that it stops. Right? If the show is ending, have they caught EVERYONE? If not, then you better saddle back up cowboy and finish the job. How am I supposed to have any sense of safety in life sans my fictional saviors? It might be time to start preparing for the end of the world.

If they will no longer save me, then I’ll have to use all the lessons I’ve learned over the past 15 years to survive. Gaining this wealth of knowledge, though, and not sharing it seems selfish. And us millennials are known to be the most unselfish generation. Or maybe we are the most selfish? I can’t remember, I was thinking about myself when reading the article and I’ve forgotten.

Good Guys Always Win

Bad guys always get caught. Always. And if not in this episode, then at some point in the future with a breakthrough case that suspiciously links the missing pieces together. Exactly the same as in life. Never give up on being the good guy!

You Need a Jet if You’re in a Hurry

Do I need to elaborate on this? Jets are the best mode of transport. Faster than commercial airlines, trains, boats, cars, walking, etc. Just get a jet, it’s no big deal.

One Person Can Do it All

Call me Penelope Garcia and give me a task – I’ll get it done all by myself in the speed of light. Faster than a jet you could say. Faster than technically, physically, and humanly possible. Hard work and infinitely being on call will lead to results.

Time Off is a Myth

Oh, you put in for vacation? That’s cute, but we have this problem that you, and only you, can help with so come in ASAP. Drop everything – your book, your family, your marathon training, everything and get to the office. 

Everyone Has a Past

Even the crime fighters have secrets and regrets. Don’t hold on to this. Say what you need to say, take the high road, and stop letting it stress you out. Eventually it will impact other areas of your life (*cough* Gideon).

Don’t Judge a Book By It’s Cover

It’s always the pure, innocent seeming people that end up being guilty. We’re good at portraying ourselves how we want others to see us. Become a human lie detector and learn to trust your gut.

Lying Will Only Hurt You

Eventually you’ll get caught in the web you’ve spun yourself into, you little spider monkey. Lying is exhausting because you constantly need new ones to cover up existing ones. Do yourself a favor and tell the truth. Better yet, don’t kill people and then you won’t need to lie about it.

Know How to Google Search

A good Google search is the difference between being efficient and being frustrated. Need information quick (because someone’s life, or your lunch hour, depends on it)? Figure out how to get results instantly and become immediately valuable to your team.

I feel like I could more in depth, but, if I had to summarize all the years that we’ve spent together, that would be the gist of it. Of all long-running shows, I’m going to miss this one. The realness makes me feel alive and like I should maybe learn how to interrogate strangers, just in case. Good thing there’s endless reruns available everywhere cable is sold! Are you a hard-core BAU fanatic and feel like I’m off base, or that I missed one? Let’s chat about it. 

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you feel like you’re qualified to hunt down the weirdos out there to keep us safe, please let the directors know so we can end the madness that is the Criminal Minds finale. Thanks for reading!


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LIFE LESSONS FROM GAME OF THRONES

If you’ve never seen Game of Thrones, what’s wrong with you? Read this, learn your lessons, then park yourself in front of a television for the next week to catch up, binge-watching style, with the rest of humanity. For all the GOT faithful, I’m about to strike a nerve with a bunch of you, but I actually liked the way that it ended. How else would you have wrapped that up? Kill everyone? I guess then the lone dragon could summon dinosaur friends and kick off history. That would be a fun twist to our species! You could be a Targaryen, or a Stark, or a Lannister, or a Dothraki…probably wouldn’t be an Unsullied though. I’m guessing that part of the peace initiative would have included putting an end to torturing small children so they could be hard-core warriors.

For a few minutes there I was trying to figure out which house I descended from and then I remembered that I definitely made that up. Thank goodness for online quizzes. I’m a Greyjoy so that answers my questions. I always wanted to be a sailor, better put in my two-week notice at work tomorrow, then buy some ships and an isolated island. And probably a suit of armor because my people love to fight.

Anyways, watching the series helped me learn some valuable life lessons that I feel compelled to share…despite my people being on the more selfish side. Look at me breaking molds and forging my own path in life. My mom would be so proud.

Some Battles Are Not Worth Fighting

If the dead are coming, run! There’s no need to fight death. That’s a losing battle and the things you see will scar you forever. If you must stay, befriend a slightly psychotic girl who fears nothing, then find an amazing hiding place.

Maximize your Time Each Day

You can get anywhere in a day if you really want to, or if you are a television director and have lost touch with reality – across the castle, across town, across the ocean…doesn’t matter, it’s all the same.

Trust your Gut

Arya was with one man and decided she’d rather spend the rest of her life on a ship sailing to the end of the Earth. Gendry clearly did not keep her coming back for more.

Politics are Everywhere

There’s always going to be a small group of people making decisions in “your best interest”. Names are the only thing that really change – glad our long lost ancestors gave our government a solid template to copy.

If You Want to be in Charge, Get a Dragon

This seems self-explanatory. Find a dragon, train it (like a dog I’m assuming), and learn how to fly it. You’ll help save the environment by not using fuel so that will make people happy, but if they aren’t buying in you can threaten them with fire…from your dragon. Fear is a powerful motivator.

Being Cold is Mental

Like OG eskimos, a significant amount of characters lived in winter all year round…on purpose. I’m hoping that stone structures are surprisingly warm, despite their gray and freezing look. What if the whole story was just a delusion from a frost-bitten, almost frozen wildling?!

Act Confident

No one in the show seemed to be suspicious of a stranger dressed in black and wearing a hood. Confidence will get you far, even into a heavily guarded castle without anyone giving you a second thought.

Lead by Example

The head honchos of war frequently appear at the front of a battle sans helmet. Seems unsafe. I also find this interesting since all their henchmen do have helmets. Who is correct? Probably the henchmen, who tended to survive.

Everyone is Human

Battles never seem to start until after the staring contest is over. Is this because they are all hoping one side will surrender and they won’t have to spend hour after bloody hour fighting for their lives? Dunno. Seems like just getting the thing started will make it end quicker.

Treat Other People’s Things Like your Own

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of respect for other people’s property. Specifically castles. Is it possible to win a war without destroying every piece of infrastructure in a city? My gut says yes, but the show says no. If I’m going to take it, I want to be able to use it. Otherwise it’s just a pile of stone and bricks.

Everyone Can be an Influencer

Constant drinking is a sign of great wealth and power – alright, check, I’ve got that going for me at least. Look out world! 

Know When to Move On

In certain situations, it’s best to cut your losses and move on. Not calling out anyone specifically, but if a dragon is lighting up your city, it may be best not to watch from the tallest window in your castle. Just saying – a white flag works well too.

Materialism is Alive and Well

Metal chairs with zero padding are most desirable and you should stop at nothing to own one.

Always Apologize

Even when a building is collapsing, you have time to hug, make up, reconcile your lifelong differences, apologize, forgive, kiss, go through every detail of how you get here, make a baby, etc. Might I suggest getting out and saving yourself?

Small Talk is Underrated

Some people are not good at small talk. That’s ok – just throw some ridiculous statement onto the table and see how people react. Need a suggestion? The king of small talk, Tyrion Lannister, has you covered: ‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel’. I have so many questions.

Walls Only Divide People

Our ancestral tribes had a wall to keep the dead, and the wildlings, out of their country. How did the dead and the wildlings feel about this though? Well, they tore part of it down so I’m thinking not great. Side note: where did the wall come from? Did someone build it? Did nature put it there? How does it not melt when winter ends? It’s ginormous!

Know your Worth

Jon “The Virgin” Snow was supposedly an outcast and undesirable at the start of the show, yet had zero trouble picking up the only wildling who knew what makeup was and Westeros’ most eligible bachelorette like a pro. He knew he was worth it. 

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who hasn’t watched GOT, shame them. Then make them watch it. Otherwise, take the wisdom from the people of Westeros and go forth into the world. Thanks for reading!


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