Do you often struggle to figure out what you want to eat for dessert? Do you sometimes wonder if you want dessert at all? Do you occasionally find yourself avoiding sweet things? Ok, that’s just crazy talk right there. No, obviously. Sweets are what make life, well, sweet. I eat meals so that I can eat the post-meal treat without being judged by my peers. If I just ate a pint of ice cream for dinner my family and friends would just be like it is what it is, you’re an adult. Which is why I like them and also why I don’t like most strangers. So judgemental … let me eat cookies for breakfast if I want to.

It is my personal opinion that vegetables were the obstacle created to make you work for your dessert as a child. Think about it, what would you always have to finish before you could leave the dinner table (and go to the candy jar)? Yes, your vegetables! I have yet to meet a child under the age of about 12 that willingly eats vegetables. That looks forward to getting some steamed broccoli, peas and carrots, celery sticks, carrots and ranch, you name it added to their menu. Maybe I’m hanging out with the wrong kids, though. 

Or maybe I’m hanging out with the right ones and they’re the baby Einsteins feeding the family dog. Another reason to get a furry canine for the family! Not that you really needed another reason, but you’re welcome anyways. After ridding yourself of the greens, however, you get to the browns and that’s when you know the good stuff is coming. Enough suffering, it’s reward time! But which reward to choose? It always reminds me of being a kid in an arcade with a couple hundred tickets trying to decide what prize to pick.

Cake? Ice cream? Chocolate? Candy? Brownies? Pie? Donuts? Animal crackers? Cheesecake? Cookies? I mean really you can’t go wrong. Except with pie – I don’t understand pie people. It’s like the most ok dessert option in the whole world. Most of it is a pastry and that’s just kind of there. The filling is where it’s at, but then most fillings are fruit so like what on Earth?! I’m not trying to mesh healthy and sweet together when I eat dessert. I’m going for sweet and need to go to the gym at some point that week to feel better about my decision kind of dessert.

Despite society’s shame on treating yourself after making through a bunch of kale, not all desserts carry the same satisfaction. Particularly when it comes to cookies and the bake on them. There are two types of people in this world. Crunchy cookie people and chewy cookie people. If I was in the market to visit my dentist on a regular basis, I might be a crunchy cookie person. Or if I wanted to eat something overcooked, I might also be a crunchy cookie person. But, like with crunchy peanut butter, I just want to know why? 

Chewy cookies practically melt in your mouth! It’s the safest form of cookie dough. Gooey, soft, melty, delicious, warm, and suitable for all ages. I don’t want newborns, the tooth fairy, or dentures to prevent anyone from enjoying a cookie. This is the most inclusive the world has probably ever been so why carry anything but that into the cookie realm. There is zero effort required to eat a chewy cookie. You can also cook them as little as your heart desires. Essentially warm cookie dough soft, hard cookie dough soft, outsides are baked but the inside is raw soft, or baked but smooth like butter soft. 

Going crunchy, on the other hand, you have one option and that is burnt. I wish someone would make me cookies, take them out of the oven to test them, and put them back in to crisp up. Our relationship would end right that moment. Truly an unacceptable act of cookie-ing. If you pull it out and they aren’t “quite” done, they’re 100% done. There is only one time, and one time only, when it is acceptable to eat crunchy: when you purchase Famous Amos. The size is what makes them acceptable. One bite and you get all the little chips known to humans. Chips Ahoy, meanwhile, has a Chewy option so they clearly leveled up and made your decision super easy.

Alright, jumping off my pedestal for now. If you know someone who would enjoy this post and want to share it with them, that would be awesome. Sharing is caring, after all. Don’t forget to subscribe to get these in your inbox twice weekly and follow TRP on Twitter for frequent musings. Thanks for reading!


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